Lonely in the Crowd

'Heavy rain, terrible traffic, stinky & overpopulated city, time-wasting bureaucracy, didn't do what is supposed to be done'
Is this an accurate description of your day? Maybe for some of us. 

But really, today isn't a bad day for me. I'm actually quite happy, esp the afternoon. 

Started to feel bad again when I walk aimlessly by myself tonight in some of the busiest parts of the city.

How ironic it is to feel terribly lonely when I was alone in the heart of the city.

The loneliness doesn't come from being alone.

It comes from the ironic fact that I got a job offer. Just a part-time summer job, but might extend to a full-time contract.
Just 4 or 5 people knew it, they are happy for me, all except one: my boyfriend.

Getting this job is nothing big and I'm not expecting any celebration, I am not asking him to be proud of me.
I just want him to be happy for me, I just want him to share my happiness...

I didn't get any positive response, no 'congrats', no 'it's good', no 'i'm happy for you', no nothing.
Just 'as you like', followed by more complaints. 

Not to blame him, but honestly...sometimes this is why I escape.

When I finally couldn't take it anymore and said I only wanted him to share my happiness, everything got out of control and got worse.
I know, a vicious cycle: focusing on my stuffs, him complaining, I try to make it up, still dissatisfied, me feeling judged and misunderstood, don't wanna spend time with him, more complaints.

Sigh...I don't know what to do to break this cycle... :(

Thought I'd feel better if I go for a long walk by myself. Walked a lot but didn't feel any better.
How ironic it is that the more people around me (though strangers), the more lonely I feel.
Found people noisy on the minibus, so annoyed that before even thinking 'how noisy', I already heard myself saying 'shut the fuck up'. Shocked myself a bit that I literally said what was on my mind.

Didn't realize how tired I am until I got home and kicked off my shoes...feet were swelling and so tired that I couldn't touch the floor without feeling the sore.
Have to soak them in hot water...ouch!

But really, today isn't bad at all.
No matter how negative it is, use 'but' & finish it with something positive. Remember? Be grateful :)

Things that cheer me up today:  back at my withdrawing room, tasty strawberries, gluten-free-but-still-very-good chocolate brownie and sinfully-heavenly cookies.
Oh! And interesting perfumes from Demeter.
Know about this fragrance brand long ago, but only try their scents on paper until today.
It's amazing how people can artificially re-create the scents of rain, grass, dirt, wet garden, cocktails, apple blossom, etc.
Checked their entire collection online, spotted quite a number that I wanna try or give as gifts, mostly their food/drinks-related scents and natural/plants/floral scents.
But some of their scents are really bizarre: paint? glue? clean windows? plastic? sushi? Who'd wear those?!

My dear readers, have a saying to share with all of you today, most probably you have heard of it:

'It doesn't matter what you eat, where you eat, but who you eat with.'

How wonderful this saying is and how nice it is to know that someone enjoys your company.
It is even better when you enjoy the time as well.

To give this quote a twist to fit what happened today, this is it:

'It doesn't matter what the weather is, where you go, what you do, but who you are with.' :)

Love,
N