If I were a boy...

Listening to an old song and it strikes me harder than ever.

"If I were a boy" by Beyonce

Lyrics:

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

Guys, be better men and love her right.
If you don't make an effort, love her as much as you can and fight for the relationship, trust me, someone else will.
She gave you her heart, together with love, respect and trust.
Guard it, don't break it.
Make sure you deserve that.

Love,

N

Too Much to Ask For?

Usually this time of the day, I should be already in bed, sound asleep after a day of work.
But not for tonight.
I don't want to cry myself to sleep just to cry myself awake again in the middle of the night.
So I decided to get up and write something to get things out of my head.
The ground beneath my feet begins to shake, things around me seem to dismantle one after the other...

You know, it's just a fine line between being romantic and being pathetically unrealistic.
I couldn't tell which type I belong to.
By "pathetically unrealistic", I don't mean I'm looking for a billionaire to buy me big diamonds, or a model-like handsome man to make me breakfast every morning.
Turns out looking for a person who can share with me everything is already a "pathetically unrealistic" demand.
Is it?

If so, here is my quixotic idea of an ideal relationship with my dream life partner who of course doesn't exist in real life:
I want a man who dares to be nakedly honest with me; for both good things and the bad.

I don't need flowers or rocks, I need someone who gives himself to me; his heart, soul and body, everything.
He has to be a person who willingly and eagerly shares with me his dreams, his pride, what breaks his heart, his worries, fears, secrets, fantasies, and allow me into even the darkest corner in his mind and heart, and dying to know the same things about me.

I want to be soothed by the knowledge that in a world of over 7 billion, he chose me to open up to and I know him best.
When I love a person, I crave him in the most innocent, raw form; a simple but desperate way--I want him as a whole.

It is not only the good and glorious side of you that I'm interested in, it's also the "flawed" side of you that I crave; things that make you interesting, things that make you a human.
Everything. Every bit of it.

And if the person loves me the same way and as intense, I shouldn't have to fight for that privilege to have glimpses of his soul.
If he wants me in his life as much as I want him to be in mine, he'll just put me there.
I shouldn't have to fight for a spot.
I shouldn't have to demand for anything.
And I shouldn't have to spend a lifetime figuring out who he really is and what kind of a person he is.

You know, it's not about whether or not you betray or cheat on me, it's about our connection.
The moment you stop sharing genuinely, the door to your heart begins to close and the connection begins to fall apart.
Stop saying that it's normal for a relationship to evolve and the passion to cool.

To put it simply, I think I deserve to know the real you, with all the truth and honesty.
Is this too much to ask for?

Perhaps, it's too much to ask for...
I hope I'm not asking the wrong person though...

Love,
N

P.S. Dear readers, don't let my negativity affect you.

Forever Crazy

*Warning: Contains pictures with nudity

What cheered me up was...

the Crazy Horse Paris and their Forever Crazy show in town!

Crazy Horse (or Le Crazy), established in 1951, is the world's sexiest cabaret.

The show is more than strip dance or burlesque; the dances are fun, creative and tasteful.

The "Crazy Girls" (dancers) don't necessarily have the typical sexy "Playmates" bodies but they are very feminine.

Sitting in the front row turned out to be just perfect.

The stage wasn't too near nor was it high above eye level.

Close enough to see the dancers (and their amazingly silky smooth bodies) as well as their dance moves clearly.

I really like how the Crazy Horse celebrates the beauty of women and the art of nude while still keeping it fun, chic and classy.

The dances are unexpectedly fun and creative. 

Each one is different from the last. 

Visual effects, lighting and the music all went well. 

Maybe except for one dance in which the spotlight was blindingly right in my face and I could barely open my eyes to watch the girls twirling around the poles.

Other than that, I enjoyed the whole show and almost all the dances.

And the costumes are glamorous. 

All of a sudden, wearing a wig seemed to be a very sexy and tempting idea.

Oh! And also the very classic but seductive outfit--a trench coat and nothing inside!

Going to a Crazy Horse show is a great idea for a girls' night out.

Of course, it could be also a nice way to turn the heat up for couples on their date night too!

Dear readers, 

Stay sexy and dare to be crazy! ;)

Love,

N

The Last Straw

Have been updating for a long time.

Work is such a contradiction; it's enriching, sometimes fulfilling, but at the same time draining and not very inspiring.

Just as I thought I'm pass the phase of losing control over my emotions and taking everything too seriously, I was proven wrong...

Probation is finally over, which means I have been working for 6 months. 

Do I like my job? 

Of course it is not the best/perfect job, but I appreciate most of it usually.

While both of my bosses are pretty happy with my performance, I found out something that I'm not very happy with: someone is backstabbing me.

It is not difficult to find out who the backstabber is, it is actually pretty obvious.

Well, there are a few reasons why she hates me. 

And seriously, if a girl on her first proper job can spot your motivation and the insecurity behind the smear campaign, you should stop calling yourself a diplomat.

To be honest, I was bothered by the fact that someone "toxic" is making effort in ruining my reputation and devaluing me.

Luckily, it didn't take me long to decide that she doesn't deserve the attention.

I have goals and targets and kissing her ass isn't on the list. 

I shouldn't let her distract me.

And I have enough self-respect that I won't allow myself to fall victim to her false accusations and abusive comments.

Ok, office politics settled for now.

What really was the last straw was the gatherings with relatives.

Hypocrisy, boastful and arrogant people, indifference and empty-headedness...

All the exact opposites of what my real family as well as my boyfriend's family are.

Dinner was painfully long, then followed by an equally boring brunch the next day.

I went home, locked myself up in my room and had a full-fledged melt down.

It scared my boyfriend when I texted him very negative messages and was crying so so hard when he called me.

Then a few hours later, a pleasant surprise came to my rescue...

Wanna know what that was?

Please read the next post. :)

Love,

N