Even though I still have one more day of makeup class, yesterday was my official last day of class.
Counting from kindergarten, I've been a student for almost 20 years. 20 years! I'm just 22!
I still remember vividly how reluctant I was on my first day of school at the kindergarten; mum sent me on the school bus, I cried my heart out.
Going to university was similar--well, I didn't cry on my first day of school. But I was still far from being happy: I didn't want this major. The first year and a half was pretty miserable.
And now, in a blink of an eye, I'm about to graduate.
Losing my identity as a student--quite a change, isn't it?
Don't really have strong feelings like most do, knowing that this transition is perfectly natural and that I can't stop it from happening.
Didn't feel much yesterday. But today, on a second thought, I do feel...a bit awkward.
That mixed feelings and emotions.
Don't really know how to describe it, but perhaps I can share with you something that I ask/say to myself. :)
1) 'What can I feed my curiosity with?'
My prime concern.
I hear my heart and mind exclaiming: I need to learn! I need stimulation! I need inspiration! And I need plenty of them!! Will I be able to get enough of them outside school?
I'm born curious.
I love learning, I love reading (and staying up late to do so), I love thinking & developing new ideas, I love writing, I love attending lectures (well, most of them).
I even like exams--that adrenaline rush, that excitement. (Even though most of the time after an exam, I feel like I screwed up and I could have done much better. And that's doesn't feel very good)
Sometimes I like to imagine myself as a sponge, trying my best to absorb every drop of knowledge.
Yes, learning is that satisfying for me.And now these things are coming to an end, or at least I won't be doing these in a campus setting anymore.
Didn't feel much yesterday. But on a second thought, this is pretty scary.
I need plenty intellectual stimulation. What can I feed my curiosity with?
Don't call education/ learning an enrichment, it is a necessity for me.
2) 'Do I hate my major of study?'
Yes, for the first year and a half. But now? Not at all. I truly enjoy it
'Trying to love and enjoy it, trying my best to learn as much as possible, trying my best to excel at it'--that became my attitude.
Doing good in what you are good at or interested in is perhaps the most natural thing.
But under unfavorable circumstances, make the most out of it, enjoy and appreciate it, break your own walls and learn new things? That's the challenge.
I'm glad that I challenged myself. It is very humbling as well as satisfying.
2) 'Will I miss this university?'
While I'm sure that I'd miss university education, I'm not so sure if I'd miss this particular university.
Don't love it, nor hate it. Just no attachment to it.
It's just that I never really belonged.
Or maybe at the beginning I was simply too self-absorbed into being angry and disappointed with myself, that I never really allowed myself to appreciate this place.
Or the negative emotions are so much associated with this university that I could not love it.
Um...probably I won't miss it much.
One thing for sure: definitely NOT gonna miss the canteens and the stinky smell.
3) 'Which place(s) will I miss?'
Not the canteen, not the construction sites.
Maybe the library. And the cafe which is almost the only place that I eat at.
Maybe some particular classrooms which I have good memories about.
Definitely my withdrawing room.
4) 'Will I miss my classmates?'
When you are angry with yourself and don't feel like you belong too this new environment, it is easy that you close yourself to meeting new people as well.
The first half of the sentence happened, and I couldn't let the second half happen as well.
Even though I can name a few things about them that I cannot get used to, I do like my classmates. They are nice.
5) 'I'm gonna miss my profs.'
It's not even a question.
My grandma-like psychology prof who is so encouraging and supportive. feel like I'm a pampered little girl whenever I talk to her.
My insanely funny Jazz prof whose sense of humor I'd definitely miss. The Jazz class was so fun, one of the most enjoyable classes in 3 years.
My 'intellectual Santa Claus' who is so interesting and whose classes I really enjoy.
Among all the people I'd miss, the most important of all is definitely my awesome adviser/prof.
Definitely top on the list when I count the blessings about my university life.
Why? Tell you when I graduate. :)
Should go back to reading and start writing my papers now.
Grabbing my last chances and trying my best to be a good student.
Be curious & enjoy learning!
I need plenty intellectual stimulation. What can I feed my curiosity with?
Don't call education/ learning an enrichment, it is a necessity for me.
2) 'Do I hate my major of study?'
Yes, for the first year and a half. But now? Not at all. I truly enjoy it
'Trying to love and enjoy it, trying my best to learn as much as possible, trying my best to excel at it'--that became my attitude.
Doing good in what you are good at or interested in is perhaps the most natural thing.
But under unfavorable circumstances, make the most out of it, enjoy and appreciate it, break your own walls and learn new things? That's the challenge.
I'm glad that I challenged myself. It is very humbling as well as satisfying.
2) 'Will I miss this university?'
While I'm sure that I'd miss university education, I'm not so sure if I'd miss this particular university.
Don't love it, nor hate it. Just no attachment to it.
It's just that I never really belonged.
Or maybe at the beginning I was simply too self-absorbed into being angry and disappointed with myself, that I never really allowed myself to appreciate this place.
Or the negative emotions are so much associated with this university that I could not love it.
Um...probably I won't miss it much.
One thing for sure: definitely NOT gonna miss the canteens and the stinky smell.
3) 'Which place(s) will I miss?'
Not the canteen, not the construction sites.
Maybe the library. And the cafe which is almost the only place that I eat at.
Maybe some particular classrooms which I have good memories about.
Definitely my withdrawing room.
4) 'Will I miss my classmates?'
When you are angry with yourself and don't feel like you belong too this new environment, it is easy that you close yourself to meeting new people as well.
The first half of the sentence happened, and I couldn't let the second half happen as well.
Even though I can name a few things about them that I cannot get used to, I do like my classmates. They are nice.
5) 'I'm gonna miss my profs.'
It's not even a question.
My grandma-like psychology prof who is so encouraging and supportive. feel like I'm a pampered little girl whenever I talk to her.
My insanely funny Jazz prof whose sense of humor I'd definitely miss. The Jazz class was so fun, one of the most enjoyable classes in 3 years.
My 'intellectual Santa Claus' who is so interesting and whose classes I really enjoy.
Among all the people I'd miss, the most important of all is definitely my awesome adviser/prof.
Definitely top on the list when I count the blessings about my university life.
Why? Tell you when I graduate. :)
Should go back to reading and start writing my papers now.
Grabbing my last chances and trying my best to be a good student.
Be curious & enjoy learning!
Love,
N
P.S. Went to a concert by Mouron and the local City Chamber Orchestra.
The theme was classic French songs, showcasing a total of 20 of them: La Vie en Rose, La Mer, Ne Me Quitte Pas, Je Ne Regrette Rien, Je Suis Malade, etc etc.
Quite enjoyable.
And I saw a French couple wearing white suits, white from head to toe!
Fine line between chic and fashion faux pas. Too bad my camera wasn't with me.
N
P.S. Went to a concert by Mouron and the local City Chamber Orchestra.
The theme was classic French songs, showcasing a total of 20 of them: La Vie en Rose, La Mer, Ne Me Quitte Pas, Je Ne Regrette Rien, Je Suis Malade, etc etc.
Quite enjoyable.
And I saw a French couple wearing white suits, white from head to toe!
Fine line between chic and fashion faux pas. Too bad my camera wasn't with me.
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