I'll Move On

Am I a positive person? I honestly don't know.
I guess it's fair to say I'm a beginner in terms of being positive.
In fact, I only started to be positive 10 months ago, when I first started this blog.
My first blog post marked the start of me using a whole new mindset, life has been great since then.

Being positive is perhaps one of the best things I did for myself, and perhaps have influenced some people around me too.

Being positive doesn't make life any easier or smoother.

When history repeats, it feels like I'm back at where I started. Exact same spot.
Then what's the point of trying hard and being so positive, since nothing changed? I have no idea.

On a second thought, what I'm going through is exactly a test on how positive I can be, whether I put my beliefs in actions.
If I were still the past me, I would whine, be depressed and hate myself for months.
But if I truly embrace and practice positivity (loving life as hard as I can, do all things with love, etc), I would deal with this very differently.
Actions speak louder than words.
If that's the challenge, I'll take it. : )

I feel bad & sad & insecure, I'm not gonna lie on that.

Doubting myself, fear, feeling hurt, uncertainties...all of these are scary.
But I'm not gonna let them take over me again.

I'm NOT going back to negativity.

After all, life is still wonderful and I'm truly blessed.
Being positive doesn't exclude me from the unpleasant things in life.

Living a smooth life with grace is easy, but what is more important is HOW one faces difficulties.
A true lady with grace would allow herself to cry her heart out, but then she'll pick herself up, smile and stand tall, move on and continue to fight for what she believes in, stronger than ever.
Even though she's strong and determined, she's still gentle and loving at heart.
I can never be perfect (and I don't have to), but THAT'S the kind of woman I aspire to be.

I was actually surprised that I didn't drop a single tear when I told my parents and boyfriend the bad news.

Mostly because I felt much better when I got home from school.

Even though the reality isn't gonna change, having someone I trust and cherish to talk to, telling me that 'everything's gonna be alright/okay' and giving me a quiet hug, that's ALL I need.
It calms and soothes me incredibly.
You made me feel okay again. 

You've given me strength when I doubt myself.

Thank you for being there when I most needed it.
Thank you for being incredibly kind, warm, caring and loving.
Thank you for being such a patient listener as well as a good adviser (in so many different ways).
Thank you for being such a wonderful person, or I should say, thank you for being exactly who you are.

You're AWESOME. : )

Love,
N