I'll Move On

Am I a positive person? I honestly don't know.
I guess it's fair to say I'm a beginner in terms of being positive.
In fact, I only started to be positive 10 months ago, when I first started this blog.
My first blog post marked the start of me using a whole new mindset, life has been great since then.

Being positive is perhaps one of the best things I did for myself, and perhaps have influenced some people around me too.

Being positive doesn't make life any easier or smoother.

When history repeats, it feels like I'm back at where I started. Exact same spot.
Then what's the point of trying hard and being so positive, since nothing changed? I have no idea.

On a second thought, what I'm going through is exactly a test on how positive I can be, whether I put my beliefs in actions.
If I were still the past me, I would whine, be depressed and hate myself for months.
But if I truly embrace and practice positivity (loving life as hard as I can, do all things with love, etc), I would deal with this very differently.
Actions speak louder than words.
If that's the challenge, I'll take it. : )

I feel bad & sad & insecure, I'm not gonna lie on that.

Doubting myself, fear, feeling hurt, uncertainties...all of these are scary.
But I'm not gonna let them take over me again.

I'm NOT going back to negativity.

After all, life is still wonderful and I'm truly blessed.
Being positive doesn't exclude me from the unpleasant things in life.

Living a smooth life with grace is easy, but what is more important is HOW one faces difficulties.
A true lady with grace would allow herself to cry her heart out, but then she'll pick herself up, smile and stand tall, move on and continue to fight for what she believes in, stronger than ever.
Even though she's strong and determined, she's still gentle and loving at heart.
I can never be perfect (and I don't have to), but THAT'S the kind of woman I aspire to be.

I was actually surprised that I didn't drop a single tear when I told my parents and boyfriend the bad news.

Mostly because I felt much better when I got home from school.

Even though the reality isn't gonna change, having someone I trust and cherish to talk to, telling me that 'everything's gonna be alright/okay' and giving me a quiet hug, that's ALL I need.
It calms and soothes me incredibly.
You made me feel okay again. 

You've given me strength when I doubt myself.

Thank you for being there when I most needed it.
Thank you for being incredibly kind, warm, caring and loving.
Thank you for being such a patient listener as well as a good adviser (in so many different ways).
Thank you for being such a wonderful person, or I should say, thank you for being exactly who you are.

You're AWESOME. : )

Love,
N

Guess I'm Just Too Young...

Initially I was about to write yet another post.
Then something happened.
Now I've got a taste of how life does make choices for us.
Why on earth do I have to go through the same thing twice?
I never said I'm strong, why break me again?
Perhaps I'm just never gonna be anyone remarkable or inspiring.

All of my ideas of positivity are perhaps just talks of rubbish from a naive girl who is too blessed and young.
I thought as long as I try hard enough and be positive, I would end up having a bright, happy future.
You know what? I was plain stupid. I'm not good enough.
I don't even know what to do now.

It's 1pm, too late to talk to anyone now.
Keeping telling myself: nothing happened, stay calm, it's alright.
But it's NOT alright. The same old feeling of brokenness/failure is creeping back.
I absolutely hate it.

I need a hug.
I desperately need a hug.
I couldn't cry because I have presentations to prepare.
And I'd look really bad tomorrow morning if I cry right now.

Sorry readers, I ran out of positivity and confidence completely right now.
I hope your life isn't as bad as mine.
N

Thrilled & Humbled

The university happened to have a mini farmers' market with 2 different booths selling fairtrade products.

Naturally I visited both counters, as part of my research and simply caring for the cause.

Even though I have many questions in my mind, I told myself 'just go there as an ordinary consumer and experience fair trade in a different way. Think like a consumer, not a student.'
A different angle/ fresh perspective is always good. Always.

I am in this bottleneck of my research that I am mostly occupied by Colombian Spanish-English translation, that sometimes frustrates me and I'll think, 'what the heck am I doing? I'm not a translator.'
It's hard work but it's necessary and really nothing worth grumbling, because I love my baby. (Yea, you can tell I'm quite motherly, perhaps too motherly)
Today, I met an inspiring lady, a fair trade advocate, who sees the loopholes of fair trade labelling and decided to do fair trade in her own way.
She shared some real-life stories (at least that's what she said) and her own experiences in practicing fair trade.

I read a lot about how people suffer poverty, harshness of reality and the flaws of fair trade.
It breaks my heart, but readings don't strike me as much as just listening to this lady.

I teared up when we discussed key issues within the movement; problems and challenges.
And she wasn't even saying how hard life is or how poor the farmers are.

She answered a lot of the questions in my mind. At the same time, raising more.

But most importantly, her enthusiasm touches and motivates me.
I eventually realize that: in a way, I express my concern and love for the needy through my research.
Maybe it's a strange or useless way, but at least it could be a start.

Fair trade empowers marginalized producers and farmers.
And today, it empowers me as well.

I respect and salute those who fight for what they believe, justice and the love for humanity.
I want to be like them. I really do.

Another important thing for me today: 
I was humbled that I was said to be able to help someone during a difficult time of life.
By talking about random things, listening and enjoying the conversation, being curious and sometimes too curious, being honest and sometimes silly. (basically just being who I am & I'm no saint! :P )

But, really, I didn't do anything and I don't think I worth the appreciation. Not even the slightest bit of it.
Still, I'm very happy that I am trusted.
It's not about the compliment.
Just simply that I am trusted, that made my day.
Trust is so precious and I cherish that so much.
And, it means even MORE because I do trust and care for this person too.
It doesn't matter what status/ identity this person has, I don't give a damn.
It's more about the personality and character, or simply this person being who he/she is and me being who I am.

And honestly, I should be the one saying 'thank you'.

Inspiration/ Reminder of the day:

It doesn't matter if you are doing sth big like changing how international trade works, or just being a good listener. Or in other ways, be they grand plans or just tiny little things.
It doesn't matter what you do, but how you do it.
The essence of fair trade is not on 'trade', but 'fair'.
Equally, it's not what you can do for a friend or any other person, but how you do it.
DO THINGS WITH LOVE, even the smallest thing. Show love in every way possible.

Just love in its purest form; totally unrelated to self-interest or personal desires, just for the love of humanity.
Love as hard as you could. 

Final note to all my readers and a special one,

I don't know what you are going through and I don't even have to know what that is.
We all have our share of terrible times and feeling awful, but hang in there: stay strong and keep fighting.
And one thing for sure: you'll always have my blessings. Always.

Much love,
N

P.S. The joy of blogging is not about whether it gets read, but just simply the honesty.

Being completely honest with how I feel and tell people what I think, that's a true luxury in life.
Thank you, blogosphere and lovely readers. : )

On Being Childlike and Animated Movies

Simple pleasure of the day: Animated movies.

 

Kinematograf by Tomasz Bagiński

Just know about this remarkable Polish self-taught artist and animator: Tomasz Bagiński, and his compelling works.
Exquisite drawings, very detailed and complex. But the most amazing part is the music, excellent match and really leads my emotions.
His work isn't as joyous and childlike as Pixar's or Disney's work, but equally fascinating, just in different ways.

I'm sure many of you have watched an animated film by Pixar or Disney.
Among all Pixar productions, 'Up' is my favorite.
Don't ask me about Disney productions, I simply have too many favourites: Ratatouille, The Incredibles, and so many more!

Ok, I must confess that I love animated movies.
Many of us relate animated movies or cartoons with childishness and being silly.

Being childlike is different from being childish. You can be childlike without being childish.
Our grown-up society has undervalued childlike qualities.
And I think it's one of the biggest mistakes that our society has made.

Creativity, gratitude, curiosity, play, daring to make mistakes, laughing at your own mistakes, try again...
Aren't these qualities precious and wonderful?

I would never forget my dream to establish a children's therapy centre...

I'm not trying to preach 'Let's all be carefree kids again!', I'm not naive, I know we can't stay kids forever.

We all know we can't be carefree in reality, we face real problems in real life.
But sometimes we are too serious that it's not helping us in any way.

I know I have childlike qualities, and I'm not ashamed of the inner child in me.
As I grow, I appreciate these childlike qualities even more.
I hope I won't lose them as I continue to grow and enter the grown-up world.

One of the most important life lessons is to learn how to be at peace with yourself.
If you happen to have childlike qualities as well, you'd understand very well how your inner child can be in conflict with the reality.
That 'struggling & suppressed' feeling is terrible.
Your inner child is rarely appreciated and most of the time suppressed.
You don't wanna grow up, but you can't slow it down either, you can only tell yourself  'C'est la vie/ This is life...'
If you ever feel that way, please remember:

Stay who you are.

And, you are not alone. : )

P.S. It's an old information but still encouraging: National Geographic brought the Up balloon house into reality.

Thanks for reading.

Should get back to my readings and work now.

Much love,

N

Church

Back from a gathering which lasted for around 3 hours. (!)

I wonder why I can talk to people I like for hours, on anything and everything, and feel like it's just 30 mins.
Yet 5 minutes with people I don't want to talk to (who kept talking to me...) feel like forever.
Now imagine 3 whole hours. 

I wouldn't say it's a waste of time, because I was there for my boyfriend who wants to expand our group of mutual friends.
His devotion and the fact that he takes our relationship so seriously touch me so much.
I am willing to be my best for him.

So, in the 3 whole hours: no sarcasm, no dismay, no any sign of uneasiness, didn't ask 'when are we leaving?', didn't say 'oh God', didn't roll my eyes.
Just smiles, listen attentively (at least I looked as if I am) and being friendly.

Alright, my dear readers! I heard a tiny voice in your mind saying 'hypocrite'!
I tried to be my best for him, that's it, whatever you say.

To be honest, I felt liberated to have survived the 3 hours. *clap clap*
From the moment I stepped out of the church building, I couldn't stop smiling and feeling so good that I kept on kissing my boyfriend as if we have never kissed before. 

Sense of liberation translated into passionate kisses and a whole lot of smiles and laughter, in the remaining of the night.
How nice is that! Thank God! Oops! : P

Well, actually it's not that bad because the whole night is basically just singing and sharing.
I deliberately turned off my brain or just let it wondered free.
It is probably the best move I made tonight. 

I don't wanna be sarcastic, judgmental, philosophical or curious in finding the answers for my doubts about religion.
I don't give a damn about religion now.
I found myself and inner peace, with lots of love, good will and positivity, not by any particular religion.

Lesson of the day: Being human doesn't mean you have to agree or conform. 

If it's what they wholeheartedly and happily believe in, and it's how they feel, I'm in no position to judge.

I don't have a faith in God like they do, but that doesn't disqualify me to be a good, loving person.
At least I tried to listen and understand as much as I could.

I believe in life, respect, gratitude, hope, humility, grace, dreams, trust, kindness, peace, gentleness, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, wisdom, truth, equality, change, justice, the power of smiles, hugs and kisses, etc.
Among all things, love. 

Love as hard as I could--that's my religion.

Much love,
N

P.S.
Couldn't turn my brain on fully, can't really do my French article or my baby project now...
Urgh! Hate being so unproductive! Maybe I should just go to bed early and wake up early tomorrow.

Goodnight & sweet dreams, my dear readers. Muah! 

Spread love : )

Coffee & Men, Tea & Women

A sexy line I came up with yesterday when I accidentally got dirty-minded:

How I like my coffee and men: Smells good, strong, steamy hot and keeps me up all night*.

*other than what you're thinking, talking, cuddling and movie-marathon are fantastic alternatives. ; )

Happy things of the day:
1) Coming up with a nice name for my baby (project) with my awesome prof.
Having a wonderful prof like him is such a HUGE (and rare!) blessing.
Apart from being knowledgeable and inspiring, he's also so nice, cool and fun to be with.
Awesome.

2) Sneaking out from a seminar for 'toilet break' with a friend and ended up helping ourselves at the refreshment corner with snacks and steamy hot cups of tea.
As a tea-lover, probably I should change the line above from 'coffee' to 'tea'.
I honestly feel that my cup of tea is more satisfying than listening to a diplomat talking about things that are pretty obvious.
Um...a nice hot cup of tea to freshen up, soooo good.

3) Having a minibus ride with my bf
Just couldn't get enough of seeing you, even if it's only a brief 30 mins in total.

4) Winning a prize from a lucky draw!
Alliance Francaise has this lucky draw thing that you just have to fill in your name and describe the movie (in English!). I was thinking 'I've never won anything, but let's just try one more time'
So....TA DA! I got 2 free tickets for a French movie 'La Délicatesse'!
It's not that I've won sth big like a lottery, but still, I'm happy. : )

1 thing I'm unhappy about myself:
Have always been reminding myself that to be a successful and respectable girl, I have to be responsible for myself and independent, especially in terms of work.
Shouldn't have asked my prof to hand in a form for me, even though he didn't seem to mind.
It's not about to whom I ask a favor (well, it does matter coz he's my prof!) but it's more about myself.
That I should be extra careful in what I do, so that people have no chance to find excuse to judge me as a woman or a person.
You know, when men ask someone to do sth for them, it's 'delegation of power'.
But when women do that, it's 'using/ maneuvering someone'. Kinda ridiculous, right?
Actually nothing big happened, no one said anything (except the admin staff) but I think it's such a good reminder for me that:
If I wanna be respected and successful, I have to be careful and work extra hard for it, compare to my male counterparts.
Never see that as a pressure for being a woman.
Step up, fight a good battle for yourself, and say 'Bring it on.'
: )

Love,
N

On Forever & My Nightmare

Before I start, Disclaimer: My boyfriend treats me very well.
It's just a nightmare, not that he cheats on me, as far as I know...haha
R, I trust you.

Ok, here comes the post:

'Forever' is a long long time. So long that it scares me a little.
I don't like to use the word 'forever', because the only thing I'm sure is uncertainty; people and things can change.
And being told 'I love you forever'; it's like telling me that I won a lottery but could only get it the day I die.
I dislike asking the stupid question of 'Do you love me?'.
If you love me, put it into words.
You don't have to say the three words often. Just occasionally.
Only say it when you mean it, and skip the word 'forever'.

An interesting image I came across, I rarely see Chinese appearing in Tumblr.

I love how the simplicity of the image captures the tenderness of the sentence.
For those who doesn't know Chinese/ Mandarin, the sentence is pronounced like this, 'Ai wo, hao ma?'
So gentle and tender that it kinda melts me.
Ask once, NOT once every day. 

Having fever these two days.
As if being sick is not bad enough, my emotions start playing tricks on me.
Unpleasant memories flash back. Negative thoughts haunt me.
All the mistakes I have made, things I have done or should have done, thoughts that I shouldn't even think about...everything unleash and haunt me.
I wanna pour out everything in my mind, but I couldn't, because I feel such a mess and I don't know what to start.

There is a Chinese proverb which I roughly translate into:
'What you think about a lot during the day, you dream of it at night.'
So it makes sense that I had a nightmare.

It started off having people I love or care, then they started to leave me one by one.
No, not only are there family and friends, but also people I see on a regular basis and those I haven't seen for a long time, meaning that it includes people from school, the church I used to go and people who had past away.
Before each of them vanishes, he/she asks me if I have been good enough for him/her and tells me how I have disappointed him/her.

I couldn't remember everyone or exactly who were in my dream.
I just knew that there were a lot, a lot of people.
Perhaps the final judgement, if it exists, would be similar.

The last one is you.
You were there with a girl. I couldn't remember how she looks, but I know she's pretty.
There is a soft look on your face and you two look at each other with almost caressing eyes.
Without a word, you led me to two doors: each represents a different journey.

The first one is me crying, breaking down, wanting to keep you, asking you 'why?' and promising to do everything you want me to.
It is the end of the world, at least my world. (isn't that enough?!)
I take things so seriously, try so hard to put my life together again, but I end up breaking it into pieces, with my own hands.
It seems like a dejavu.

The second one is that I lost everything and I am not myself.
The world inside the door is empty, all white, but I am there sitting still like I'm dead, even though it felt calm and I seemed to be at peace with myself.
It feels so weird/funny to see myself in a dream, from another perspective, like I'm looking at another person.

I don't know what to choose, so helpless and painful that I cried and cried.
I don't wanna fall back into depression, nor I wanna be an empty cold soul.
It feels like a long time when I stood there, struggling to make a decision, memories of us flashing back in my dream.
I decided not to walk into ANY door, I turned to you and said calmly (though tears still roll down my cheeks):

"I was once your muse. I was once your everything.
In a point/period of your life, you were mine and I was yours.
It's a fact. And for that, I am content."

I was so heartbroken that I literally cried myself awoke, right after I finished saying what I want to in the dream.
Waking up early this morning, trembling.
Got up, dressed and started the day.
But still, I hear my own voice in my head saying 'I was once your muse. I was once your everything.'

'I was once your muse. 
I was once your everything.'
Even though it's sad, it sounds so poetic and beautiful.
Maybe I should write a poem using those lines.

The dream was a painful one.
But it sort of taught me something, like how to let go and how to move on.

Feel so much better writing it out.
The nightmare really scares me and I really need a hug, but I'm alright.
Dear readers, thanks for reading.

Love,
N

Weather

In the later part of this post, I explain why the weather is an easy way to start conversations.
Not because I get annoyed by casual conversations, nor am I overthinking about human conversations.
I just got an 'inspiration', sadly from being cold and shivery all day long.
I didn't pay attention to weather forecasts (for good reasons haha), I didn't wear enough, I shivered and my hands are icy cold.

In today's reading quiz when we were asked to define 'security' and what it means for us, I was tempted to write: 'For today, my prime security concern is whether I can stay warm and survive without catching a cold.'
I could imagine the look on his face if my prof ever reads such an answer, written almost anonymously.
Of course I didn't write what was truly on my mind, but I can't help smiling.

I was plain careless and stupid to have worn a cotton maxi dress to school, with just a summer blazer.
Black maxi dresses are my absolute favs: unbelievably comfortable, incredibly simple, very versatile and give you a bit of air/drama while still being subtle.
I have about 10 plain black maxi dresses (too many, I know...) in different shapes and cuts and I love all of them. I love my maxi dresses in other colors too, of course.And it seems to me that locals don't appreciate maxi dresses as much as other places do?
Today, I got more than 20 people, literally, asking me about my outfit.
Some out of appreciation, most out of curiosity. I didnt really give any meaningful answer.
It's just a black maxi dress, and a cotton one, I don't need an occasion/ reason to wear what I feel comfortable in.
If track pants and sweaters are your 'sloppy' wear, maxi dresses are mine.
(Especially the one I am wearing today is not body-hugging)
I probably miss warmer days too much that I can't wait to change my wardrobe, unconsciously.

Ok, back to weather.

People, even strangers, like to say 'the weather's fine/awful today, huh?'.
And then the response would be 'oh yea.'
It could be one of the most 'meaningless' conversations.
No, interaction between people or the nature of the interaction is never meaningless.
By 'meaningless', I only mean the content.

Like when I was on a plane, I met someone I know and both of us are going to the same destination (same plane), and I was asked, 'You going to _____?'
Naturally, I nodded, smiled and said 'Yes! Just going with my family (who were just next to me)'
On a second thought, hey! isn't that obvious?!
Why do we ask questions when we obviously have the answers? Do we realize we ask such questions?
I bet most of we have encountered such seemingly meaningless conversations,
but I guess we seldom give it a thought about why we say such things and why we keep behaving the same way.

Even though we face more and more climate changes and extreme weather conditions, we are much less vulnerable to changes of weather now, than our ancestors did in the past.
But still, we talk about it, even when we are safe and cozy.
Why?

What makes weather such an easy topic?
Politics, economy and religion; these topics classify people even when we don't mean to.
Relationships, sex and 'deeper' topics; too personal and sensitive to share.
Philosophical or academic topics: could be interesting but we all need breaks.
Crazy ideas and taboos? None of us want to be socially awkward or to offend someone.
This 'by-elimination' process leaves 'weather' to be perhaps easiest topic for conversations.
What makes it so?
1) It affects all of us, absolutely all of us. No matter what age, class, nationality, intelligence, we are all vulnerable.
2) It's very much related to our daily lives.
3) And yet, it's not personal.

As I am writing, I still feel the chill.
It seems that a hot shower and hot dinner fail to remove this chillness inside my body.
Get away from me, annoying cold!

It gives me warmth at heart to have such an incredibly sweet boyfriend to keep texting me to see if I'm alive after I called him once to complain about being cold.
I shouldn't have teased him, I just couldn't help!
He's so concerned and serious, as if I'm a helpless baby left alone in a snowstorm!
R, I'm sorry to have made you worried.
Even though you can't pick me up from school and give me a 'real' warm hug, I feel your love.

Stay warm!

Love,
N

Update: getting a fever now...
I got plenty to read and work to do, can't afford to be sick...Hate it! :' (

On Happiness

It is raining outside.
Usually a rainy day would make me feel grey, but somehow today's rain calms me.
Perhaps what calms and soothes me is not the rain, but conversations, reflections and thoughts.
Even though this is my blog and everything is about me, I'd like to ask:

Dear readers, are you happy?

'Are you happy?'
A question that I find very difficult to answer, yet one that I like to ask and I always mean it when I ask it.
I don't ask it to everybody, but only to the ones I genuinely care about.

Sometimes I'd think that I don't have the right to be unhappy, comparing to those whose sufferings are simply unimaginable for me.
Well, being happy or not is a subjective feeling and there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings, I understand that.
But as I compare, I see myself as some very lucky girl who just has no reason to grumble anymore.
Whenever I think of those who suffer so much and yet still fight so hard, all my sufferings suddenly become bearable and light.
No, I don't see myself as important or more capable, but to remember those who endure so much more than I do, that gives me incredible strength.

Thoughts on happiness
1) No one is responsible to make you happy. Not your family, friends and not even your spouse.
Only you yourself. (I have said this before, somewhere in this blog, I remember)
But of course, we often find happiness and joy from others.
The point is: don't take that for granted.

2) Having all the reasons to be happy doesn't make a person happy.
At the same time, unsatisfied with one's life doesn't disqualify one to be happy.
Happiness is more like a choice, than a portfolio of what you have and don't have.

3) It's not about what happens in your life, it's about how you deal with these things and what you make out of them.

4) We tend to focus on and enlarge our problem too much, to a point that we care too little about other's well-being.
Self-indulgence is not healthy.
Yet, to bring happiness for others is a daunting task.
So instead of happiness, I aspire to bring occasional sweetness to those around me, just to remind them that there are still something nice about life.

I don't want to start feeding you with cliches on how to be happy (take a look at the diagram above, its simplicity makes me smile), like 'stop comparing, count your blessings, be grateful and you'll be happy'.
These cliches exist for a reason, partly because it's true.
But then again, they are easier said than done, that's why we kinda hate them even though they have some truth.
For that reason, I find myself unsuitable to repeat cliche advices.
First, because I have no right to tell anyone how they should live their lives.
Second, simply because I am only human.
To be specific, a 22-year old naive young woman whose life seems smooth and lucky, thus whose opinions about life are simply negligible. (I guess that's how a lot of people, those who don't care to know me as a person, sees me, unfortunately)

Life is short, be happy.

And since happiness is subjective, it doesn't really matter what I say about happiness, especially when I'm just a random blogger out of the millions.
But I wish you all the best and all the happiness.
And I'd like to make a final point.
No matter what you are going through, be it happiness or sorrow, please keep this in mind:

This too shall pass. Yes, this too shall pass.

Love,
N

P.S. it's Chinese Valentine's Day today, just reminded by my mum.
Not important for me at all.

Thoughts On Fairness

Since the start of my 'adventure in the world of fair trade', I have been trying to figure out what fairness the notion itself is.

Asking 'does fair trade work?' or 'is fair trade fair?' is way too early, perhaps the question should be: does fairness ever exist?
I'd say fairness is an ideal that rarely exist in the reality of human society, let alone on the international arena.

1)  When a person, or a state, says a situation is fair, most of the time it is because they are the ones getting an upper hand.

2) Suppose both sides made a deal and got satisfied with what they can get out of it, it is still possible that fairness is irrelevant.

A consensus just means a compromise between the two parties, the final outcome is not necessarily fair.

3) Fairness is not the same as equality.
True that sometimes the two are exchangeable.
For example: equality before the law. Ok, that is fairness and justice.
But two people holding same position, getting equal pay but putting different amount of effort, even a child knows that it is not fair.

4) The origin of fairness is respect and appreciation.
Now it's getting even more abstract, but it's actually just common sense.
Why would you think a person deserves more?
(Well, given that your opinion is not partial and your judgement is sensible.)
It is because you recognize the effort and abilities of that person.
It is because you respect that person enough that you think he/she is entitled for the better.

As I explore the world of fair trade, question marks kept popping in my mind:
Is fair trade really fair? Is it working? Will it ever succeed?
How much could it change people's lives for the better?

It could only be fair that I make judgement after considering different or contrasting thoughts.
So, what if fair trade, at least what it is now, is no longer about the pursuit of ideal and ethics?
This afternoon, I came up with an idea: Fair trade might as well be fueled by middle class guilt.
It might have started off with good intention, but it might be transformed into a huge marketing ploy that cashes in on the guilt among people in wealthier countries
People feel guilty about earning at the expense of other human beings, so they invent a new way of doing charity while getting what they want.
Getting coffee in a slightly higher price and having a much better self-image.
Now, that's rational! Perfect demonstration of what it means by 'one stone kills two birds'.

Well, it's just a thought. Perhaps it is not true or maybe it is, I don't really care.
Whether the idea itself is right or wrong is not much of my concern.
After all, it's just a random thought, not that I'd put it in anything serious.
Most importantly, thinking amuses me. That's what matters.

Scholars or, in general, experts like to make predictions, as if everything works according to logic.
And most of the time, we listen to them and act accordingly, like sheep or dogs taking orders.
But let's not forget that they are human beings, just like you and I.
True that they are knowledgeable and intelligent, but intelligence doesn't make a person flawless.
No matter how hard one tries, it is just a fact that no one could be certain of the possible consequences or outcomes.

It is not even about our reasoning process or level of intelligence.
It is just a fact reality doesn't always work the way we think/expect/predict.
It just doesn't, that's it, fortunately or unfortunately.

Regardless of the future development, the idea of fair trade itself is a commendable one.

I believe that the farmers do deserve better or more, for the labor and effort they put in.
And simply because they are human beings like us, they are entitled to be fairly rewarded.
No one knows if fair trade could achieve that, but I would love to see situations improve and lives change.

Working on an interesting topic is not the only thing that keeps me going or passionate. (I don't even drink coffee.)
Perhaps it sounds like an overstatement, but I do get inspired from my research.
I respect those who are advocating and supporting the cause.
The pursuit of an ideal (any ideal) is never easy, especially when it involves such massive number of people and countries.
It is a battle.
Although it is not fought by guns and bullets, it can still costs lives.
It is not appropriate to compare death, but judging only by the duration of sufferings, dying of poverty is perhaps even more torturous than being shot.
I admire people's courage to speak up and step up for change.
I admire their creativity for innovations to tackle problems, or at least try to.
I learn that success does not always comes from winning, but from the courage to fight for what you believe in.

Who says research has to be confined to enrichment of knowledge?
I love all the inspirations and life lessons I got during my 'journey'.
That's what keeps me going. And I wish the research can last longer.

Dear readers,
Life is not fair.
But it doesn't mean we can't love and embrace it the best that we can, right?
Expect the unexpected. Find inspirations from even the most unlikely sources.
If you want to be inspired, you can always be.

Love,
N