The Internet is for...

Lesson of the Day:
Using Tumblr at school is not a good idea.
You just never know what bloggers you follow would reblog/ what appears on your dashboard.
HUGE embarrassment today. HUGE.
Huh! Now that I'm home and no one's around, it works perfectly normal!
Oh whatever. By the way, check out my Tumblr. (Don't worry, no porn...*cough cough*)

Haven't been drawing for a long time.
I like how art,any kind of art, consumes me.
Art makes me focus and forget about everything else (actually more like I enter another world) and then recharges or soothes me.
Random thought: Maybe it is one of the situations that I enter the state of mind that is called 'flow'.
Maybe. Anyway, drawing (even in the most random and pointless manner) is one of the best ways for me to regain balance and inner peace.

Talking about drawing, do you know that long ago, women have their ladies-only 'drawing rooms' where they can talk, paint and have tea for hours?
Sometimes I'd think it shouldn't be call a 'Drawing Room'.
Rather, it should be named as 'Withdrawing Room', which a woman can lock the world out, rest and recharge.
I think I have found a new place as one of my 'withdrawing rooms'.
Love being able to relax and be completely honest & off-guarded the moment I enter the place.
One of the places that brings me great peace, comfort, joy, calmness and positivity.
Thank you.

My dear readers,
What are the thing you enjoy to do, that brings your incredible peace and joy,and perhaps sanity?
What place or where is your drawing/withdrawing room/place?
We all need ways to maintain balance and inner peace. And we all do it differently.
If you do have ways to help you relax (healthily) and they work perfectly for you, good for you. : )

Love,
N

A Day with All the Good News

Today is THE day with all the good news.
Feeling very blessed, incredibly happy and truly grateful.

Going to the 3-week summer programme which I'm interested in, at one of the best universities in the world.
Yes, good school and interesting programme make me happy.
But more importantly, this is the first time that I get what I want, in terms of my life as a student.
This really is the first time that I can study what I want to, instead of having no other choices.
After a few years of disappointments and self-doubts, I'm finally getting what I want.
I can't explain in words how much this means to me.

I'm truly blessed.
Not only because of the good news, but because I have people to share my happiness & good news with.
I will always remember people who comfort and encourage me when I feel too powerless to carry on.
I will always be thankful to those who trust me and tell me 'everything is gonna be alright' when I doubt myself.
How lucky and blessed I am to be loved and supported by all these wonderful people in my life.
Whenever I count my blessings, most of the time I'd think to myself: Girl, you are lucky.

Talking about luck, I was said that I brought luck to a special person.
I am his lucky star for the day. Such a comment made my day.
I'm very happy for him.
With all the good news we have, today is a really good day for both of us.
I love how we always cancel out each other's negativity and share positive energy. : )

Finally get to see my boyfriend after 13 days!
I have to thank him for being so supportive and sweet to me.
Surprised to see some changes: wearing a checked blue and white shirt and a brown leather belt!
I swear I didn't say anything or give any fashion advice for him.
I'm pleasantly surprised. Love his new style & hope it stays.
Wait, I know what you're thinking. I  love him for who he is, not what he wears. I don't need/want him to be a fashionista, but being stylish/having a good eye on fashion is definitely a big bonus and a big...turn-on for me. *cough*  : P

Today is such a wonderful day in my life.
I hope it is also a good one for you too, my dear readers.
Love life and work hard. It pays off eventually.

Love,
N

Working for a Cause

I'm very much sleep-deprived lately.
I know most of us do, but as a person who typically needs 12 hours of sleep and now having only 4, this is something.
My body is protesting against this by having poor skin (worst skin condition ever!), gaining weight, water retention, backache, shoulder aches. As if it's not bad enough, a fever.

But then, I am happy.
Yes, call me a masochist or a workaholic, I love working my ass off.
Today didn't start off well. Fever all through the night, nightmares, left my phone at home, etc.
Then it got much better after a chat with my prof.
I love how my negativity vanishes & I get my energy back every time we chat.

Did an interview, the 2 hours passed very quickly. Glad to meet people in the field.
I couldn't believe it when they say they want my work for their policy-making and campaigns, and that they think I'm sort of an expert, ask me to keep in touch and consider working with them!
The only thing I wanted to say is: Wow!
But then of course, as a typical city-dweller, I didn't appear to be too excited or happy. (even though I AM!)

I can't believe that my research has brought me this far.
Come on, I don't even drink coffee! And I can't remember why I started researching about coffee a year ago!
My only explanation is: 'everything started with curiosity'.
My research which will end in just 10 days brought me on a journey: meeting new people, exploring in a different world, working for what I believe and aspire to.
A journey so enriching that I don't want to end.

And I'm still no expert. I'm just someone who is curious and who believes in the love for humanity.
Yes, the hard work is still on-going, tons of work needed to be done (actually I should be working now), but I am proud to say: I am doing this with love. The love for humanity.
This journey is definitely humbling, partly because of the inspiring people I met.

Whenever I feel like my project is challenging and I'm paralyzed by stress or exhaustion, I remember how hard other people work and then feel like I have nothing to complain. They empower me.
Salute to those who are the minority, working hard for a worthy cause.

I think I have found my religion: the love for humanity.
It is the cause I am going to continue to work my ass off for. : )

My dear readers, what is your cause?

Yours with Love,
N

Steamy Hot...

Random thing goes first:
My back pain is coming back after so many years, most probably due to stress.
Have to keep cracking my back/neck because the tension & pain are too difficult to ignore.
Sometimes, it's just so unbearably painful that I wanna cry... :'(

In desperate need of a massage or a good cry or an extra strong painkiller.

Ok, so what's the steamy hot thing I wanna share with you?
Nothing related to what happens in the bedroom (even though it doesn't necessarily have to be in a bedroom).

'My baby'.
I couldn't think of a better way to nickname my current research.
And my baby has quite a sexy name/ title too. (meaning an interesting title that makes people curious).

Now that I found this picture on tumblr, I have to say: Oh baby, you are steamy hot.
I can't help but remember an interesting line that I randomly came up with, when I have to decide on the title:
'How I like coffee and man: smells good, strong, steamy hot and keeps me up all night.'

Oops! Didn't intend to dirty-talk with my readers.

I'm gonna blame it on my hormones.
Sorry, I'm just being a woman.

Love,
N

Welcome back, Sunshine :)

In love with these days' weather.

I miss the soothing warmth on my skin and the breeze against my face.
Hello, sunshine. Hello, beautiful weather.


Sometimes, the world, as well as life itself, can be terrible.
At times, it's dark and cold, the sky is grey and there might be rain and storm.
But you know what? Paradise is not a place, paradise is inside you.


A song to share with all of you: Jason Mraz's Sunshine Song.
Simple song and the lyrics soothes me. Check out the lyrics!

'If there's a light in everybody, send out your ray of sunshine. 
A little light never hurt nobody, send out your ray of sunshine.'
My dear readers, let there always be sunshine in us.
Shine on. :)

Love,
N

P.S. Nothing feels as empowering as confronting your fear.
Application is more or less done!
Even though I did it with trembling hands and pounding heart, and I might not get the offer, I'm still glad that I am done with it.
Now, I can focus on being a good mum and take care of my baby project.
: )

Application-Phobia

I think I'm getting a phobia. I'm fear of making applications.

Trembling hands, raised heartbeats...wonder if I'm just too enthusiastic or just too anxious.
If you know how human brains work, you'd know that excitement and anxiety/fear are basically same mechanism, just that we give them different interpretations.

In my case, there is no excitement, just plain fear and anxiety for application.
Same procedures, filling in the forms, answering questions, looking at my transcript...
I can't escape. If I don't even try to apply, I will regret and hate myself.
Honestly, I really have absolutely nothing to complain about going through necessary procedures.

It's the mental or psychological torture that I don't wanna go through again...
Doing self-reflections, thinking about my dreams and passion,
feeling inadequate to achieve or fulfill anything,
realizing that I have not achieve anything in the past years,
thinking of my past failures,
realizing that I've failed for so many times,
doubting myself, feeling useless & ashamed of myself,
feeling that I'm just not good enough and never will be, no matter how hard I try,
feeling worthless and a bit hopeless,
fear of being rejected again,
fear of disappointment when all of my effort turn to nothing.
The list goes on and on.
I know it's a downward spiral, I know it's the games/trick of the mind.
But sorry, I just fell in the spiral and get drowned in negativity, I can't help it.

Confronting myself is perhaps not that difficult, but admitting the fact that I'm weak/ I'm a failure is.
But then, acknowledging my imperfections perhaps will make it easier for me to move on and let go.
My dear readers, I hate to admit but:
1) I'm a failure and I'm ashamed of myself.
2) I'm scared. I'm really scared.

Sometimes I just hate myself.
I just fucking hate myself.

This is perhaps one of the best times to practice what I preach:
Confront your fears. This too shall pass. Stay strong and keep going.
Fight a good battle for yourself. Don't let negativity sabotage you.

Positivity is not a born personality trait, it takes determination, deliberate choices and tons of practice.
I'm learning and I'm just a beginner. If I can take such a step, you can do it too.

Love all except herself (temporarily),
N

Show Some Love

The end of the world.
No one knows when it is, of course.
Sometimes, I wonder what the end of the world would be like.
These are some of my thoughts:
1) Perhaps it's not a specific date when all lives on earth perish.
It's relative, depends on whose world we are talking about. If a person dies, it's already the end of his/her world. It doesn't take the death of the entire humanity to qualify a particular moment or day to be 'the end of the world'.
2) Perhaps it does not even involve the actual death of an individual.
When a parent loses his/her child in an earthquake or tsunami, that's already the end of his/her world.
When a child is forced to kill his/her parents, that's already the end of his/her world.
Nothing would be the same again.
The loss and pain are irreversible, permanent and unbearable.

The Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami happened one year ago.
Let's not forget that many are still suffering.
People who lost their homes are still living in temporary housing provided by the government,
those who have lost their loved ones are still living in immense pain, sorrow, anxiety and fear,
there is still the threat of nuclear power plants leaking out harmful, radioactive substances.
Just because it's not on the news, it doesn't mean that it's not happening.

Yes, there is limitation to an individual's power to change the world.
But it's not just about the outcome of our actions, it's about putting what we believe in action, about the actual action of trying to give a helping hand.
At least, have these issues and most importantly the people, in mind.
Remember them.
Do not forget that we are family, humanity as a whole.
Borders and nationalities can never change that.

My Kate Spade Supports Japan tote is always a good reminder for me

At the same time, allow me to spread words about Kony 2012 once again.
I'm doing this on my Tumblr too; http://subtlyextreme.tumblr.com
If anyone of you happen to have tumblr, it only takes you seconds to reblog.
I have seen vids saying that Invisible Children only donating 31% of their money to Uganda, and that Joseph Kony hasn't been active in 6 years and maybe he's dead, the footage being outdated etc.
At the same time, people say killing/ arresting Kony does not help to eliminate the many problems and other crimes against humanity.Again, not gonna argue if it's a scam or not, because I honestly don't know.
But don't let doubts stop you from showing concern, reblogging and showing concern is free.

For me, the end of the world is when no one cares about another human being anymore; when people turn a blind eye on others' sufferings; when there is no love, no kindness and no compassion.
For the love of humanity, let's play our parts, speak up, put our beliefs in action.
Doesn't matter how you do it, just do it with love and sincerity.

Love and life are human experiences, NOT political statements.
Love,
N