On Traveling Together

Dear readers,
Lovely to see you again. It has been a long while since I last updated.
I spent the last two months in 2 countries and when I was back, I have so much to share that I simply didn't know what to write!
After resting for some time, finally I'm ready to write posts again.

This time, on traveling together with someone you love.

Traveling together as a couple allows you to see the 'real face/side' of the person. 

It's easy to show your best side on a date, but maintaining it for 24hours and several days (in my case, weeks)? Not that easy.
It is true that you can glimpses of your partner in everyday life, but being there with him/her 24/7 shows you a lot more.

So, couples that travel together stay together?

I don't know, but I am certainly aware of the fact that traveling together as a challenge for a couple.

This summer is the very first time that I travel with my boyfriend.

I am very glad that none of us imagined the trip to be a romantic all-perfect get-away.
Rather, we are well-awared of the countless possibilities for us to disagree.
We knew we are gonna fight at some point and tried very hard to avoid it.

It is good to expect the worst case scenario, because we ended up having very few arguments.

At least in my case, this trip has truly been an eye-opener in many ways.
Here I am to share with you what I learnt from this trip, on traveling together as a couple:

1) Know expectations, limits and non-negotiables of the both of you.
Examples:
- Different travel styles: He is good at planning ahead and arranging the sightseeing spots into a single route while I prefer getting lost and discovering the hidden gems.
- Different preferences: I can spend hours in art museums, bookstores, vintage shops, furniture and home decor shops and lovely small boutiques (of course!) while he would most definitely fall asleep in the corner.
- Non-negotiables: while I do not insist in staying at starred hotels, my top must-have is still the accommodation--a clean and safe place to stay, no shared bedroom/dorm room with strangers and no shared bathroom.
- Another less non-negotiable must have: fruits! Wherever I go, I need to check out the supermarkets or markets to get fresh fruits. I love it when my boyfriend take me to get fruits or spoil me by getting me some.

2) Have your own budget or a clear record of your expenditures.
I learned this the hard way. We shared a bank account but the money is mixed: some of his money, some of mine, some shared--all mixed together in one single bank account.
We agreed to track and keep a record of our spending, but I didn't do my part very well.
So at the end of the trip, we were not sure about how to split the money.
I felt bad about myself when he was not happy with the way I spent my money and the fact that I didn't keep a record of how much I spent.
Luckily, he didn't get mad about it and let money drive us into fights.

Suggestions? Don't make the mistake that I made.
Have a clear budget and a record, or maybe separate accounts to avoid arguing over money.

3) Trust.
It is exciting to be on a foreign soil. At the same time, stepping out of one's comfort zone is stressing.
Don't freak out or give up so easily. Let the other person take the lead.
Example:
- If the guy says he knows the way, let him navigate.
- No screaming in the car.
- Don't blame the other person.

4) Participate.
Taking the likely situation of getting lost, have you ever been in a situation where the guy said he knows the way BUT you are most certain that he is wrong?
Since we all know how much most men hate to ask for directions and how much most women hate to get lost (me excluded), the way I deal with it is:
- Let him navigate BUT keep your GPS or map handy
- Still follow his lead if he insists, even if you know the destination is at the opposite direction
- Don't wait till you walked/ drove too far to kindly tell him that you both went the wrong way and tell him the right way
- Never say 'see? I told you!' Never.

Being a girl who enjoys getting lost, I don't mind it at all. I actually love it-the thrill of exploring a new land

5) Openness, patience and acceptance. (And occasionally, forgiveness)
Since it is rare to find someone who shares the same living habits with us, be prepared to see the difference and the 'ugly' sides of your usually well-groomed and well-manned partner.

Examples: after a 12hr flight, being exhausted and hungry, lack of sleep, accidents, bad mood etc
Be patient and accept differences. Nobody is perfect.

Apart from knowing that my boyfriend is unbelievably patient, considerate, reliable and helpful, I know myself better too.
I know that I'm: the more messy one/ the one who overpacks/ seemingly-easygoing-but-actually-it's-laziness/ the-one-who-can-stay-up-very-late-but can't-wake-up-early etc etc. among the two of us.

I am grateful that most of my weaknesses are complemented by his strengths or vice versa.
And that he is very patient and accepting to me for who I am.

6) Appreciate.
There are lots of small things that you can do for each other, but don't forget to appreciate the other person's effort!

7) Relax and have fun!
Don't let trivial things ruin your mood.
It's perfectly normal to disagree and even argue. But always remember to make up.
The whole point of traveling together is to have fun together and enjoy each other's company!

That's about it, my little tips on how to travel with your partner and make sweet memories.
Oops! One more!

For those who are like me, those who couldn't pack very well: By ALL means, avoid over-packing.
Really, over-packing either break someone's back or break your bank. (think luggage overweight charge for flights or postal fee to mail a carton of things home)
Although I did all the carrying myself when I was alone, 99% of the time when I was with him, he did the carrying or moving luggages up the car/upstairs etc.
I really appreciate his help, feel well taken care of and admire him for being such a man.
But at the same time, I feel really guilty about this physical 'labour' he has to do, simply because I couldn't pack!

Viola! End of list.
Enjoy your trips!

Love,
N

Who is Taking Who for Granted?

Went to the beautiful DB for this month's special date.
Very beautiful place, so nice that I wish I could live there.
I actually told my bf a dozen times that I wanna live there.
But if I do, probably I would take such a beautiful place for granted and don't do it justice.
I know how easily people get spoiled and take things for granted. Human nature.

Dinner at a Thai restaurant.
Food was great, service they delivered was very good, the atmosphere was nice.
I was pleasantly surprised by the glass of white wine I ordered. Should have checked the name again!
It was lovely; I'm no expert nor a frequent white wine drinker but I'd say it's floral and a bit fruity.
I don't like acidic or sour whites, it makes me sneeze, literally. I have no idea why. :P

Anyway, both of us enjoyed the night. The walk at the beach is relaxing.
If I were to live there, I would go for a walk at the beach or the plaza quite often.
Of course not every night but would be often.

My bf got me a card, apologizing that he has taken me for granted and he thinks I'm perfect.
For a few seconds I was speechless, he has never said I am perfect in the past...
'Perfect' is such a big word, I know I'm not but I was a bit shocked to know that he thinks I am.
I felt a bit guilty complaining about my relationship when obviously he still loves me a lot.
When I feel like sth is missing and this feeling of discontents is growing stronger, he still thinks I'm perfect.
I am lucky to have him.
Perhaps I'm the one who is taking the other person for granted? Maybe I am the spoiled one?
Um...

Random:
Dressing appropriately is a learnt art, today I had a lesson: the skirt was too short.
Probably I have not worn a short skirt for too long that I felt a bit uncomfortable.
At the end, maxi dress saved my day. :)

Love,
N

Let there be Justice, Peace & Love

2 Things today:
1) KONY 2012
Have seen this video some time ago, shared it before, but my Prof is sending it to us.My heart breaks every single time I watch it. But it makes me stronger: I want to make a difference.
I HAVE to spread the words again: Stop him & his crimes against humanity.
Let there be love and peace.
Some say Invisible Children is a scam. Some say it's just another excuse for the US to get into Africa. 

But really, one can turn a blind eye to this? If we could do anything to help, we should.
It's not about whether the campaign is a scam. It's about the fact that NO ONE SHOULD SUFFER THAT.
It IS happening. People ARE suffering. Those are lives, precious human lives.
It could have been US, if we were born there.It could have been us, who are abducted/raped/killed/forced to kill/living in fear and despair every single second in our lives.
We are just lucky, pure luck.
How can people be so cold-blooded and cruel to do this on another human being?
How can people turn a blind eye over such inhumanity?
My dear readers, spread words. Even if you did, do that again.
Let there be love and peace. For justice, and the love for humanity.

2) A comparatively small, but important event for me: Reconciled with my boyfriend
And it's our 5 Years & 9 Months today.

French is a difficult language to learn. But the class helps me to relax, always.
When class is over, he was there, holding a paper bag of my favourite, simple comfort food: the best creamy scrabbled egg sandwich in town.
I can't help smiling.

At times, despite my love for languages and words, my body does all the talking.
Today, our bodies do the talking.
All the hugs and kisses say it all:
I'm sorry, I miss you, and most importantly, I love you.
Oui, je t'aime beaucoup, je t'aime toujours...

And music does the talking too.
He said quietly, 'I don't know how to put it, but listen to this, it is all in the lyrics.'
I was in his arms, listening to a Jason Mraz's new song which is going to be out soon.
Name of the song: I Won't Give Up.

Some of the lyrics touch me, 
'I see that you've come so far to be right where you are.
How old is your soul?
And when you're needing your space, to do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting to see what you find

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools, the gifts we've got
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not and who I am

I won't give up on us Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking upWe got a lot to learn
And we're worth it'

It might takes him time to figure out what I'm thinking and feeling.
But he never stopped trying to understand me.

We just couldn't stop smiling, hugging, sniffing and kissing each other.
We spent the afternoon and night eating at our favourite places:
Ebeneezer's kebab, cheese margarita pizza from a new but really good pizza place just next to Ebeneezer's (not Pizza Express) and also our usual sushi restaurant.
We poured things out and listened to each other.

Couples have makeup sex after fights, we have makeup treats/ meals.
Honey, let's not fight again, I don't wanna gain more weight. :P

Dear readers,
Don't forget to spread words about KONY 2012.
There are so many injustice and inhumanity in the world, stand up and speak up, tell the world about it.
Make sure people's cries won't go unheard.
Let there be justice, peace and love.
Yours with love,
N

Stay Focused

All my problems lately have to do with 'focus'.
No, should be the 'lack of focus'.
Physically, my project and my relationship.

Told you I miss u so much, then things actually turned worse.
I know it started off being my mistake. But what have we done to get us to this? I have no idea.
Now I just don't know what I can do to make you stop getting mad at me.
And what's the point of telling you what I think when you just couldn't get it?!
It's not that I stopped trying, it's just that I don't know what to do.

Just to let you know that I didn't forget: it's our 5 years & 9 months tomorrow.
Even though we fight so hard that sometimes we just wanna kill each other, I never stopped loving you.
All I want to just to hug you tight and kiss you. That's it.
I don't even wanna argue anymore.

You win. You get what you want.
I don't mind if I'm the one making the first step.
I don't mind admitting that I was careless and make an apology.
None of us is completely right or wrong.
And I don't think who's right or who's wrong is a big deal in a relationship.
The whole point is working it out together.
I hope you understand why I made the first step: let's work things out instead of leaving it to rotten our relationship.
I'm still gonna hold on to my principles and tell you about my needs.
If you don't appreciate the effort I make, that's your problem.
Honey, don't be too stubborn. : )

Love,
N

P.S. shouldn't lose discipline especially when I get mad
Self-control, discipline, know your position, be respectful, have manners.
Etiquette and wisdom come from knowing exactly what you should do/say and even more so, what you shouldn't.
Having a bad mood is not an excuse for the lack of manners and etiquette.

Church

Back from a gathering which lasted for around 3 hours. (!)

I wonder why I can talk to people I like for hours, on anything and everything, and feel like it's just 30 mins.
Yet 5 minutes with people I don't want to talk to (who kept talking to me...) feel like forever.
Now imagine 3 whole hours. 

I wouldn't say it's a waste of time, because I was there for my boyfriend who wants to expand our group of mutual friends.
His devotion and the fact that he takes our relationship so seriously touch me so much.
I am willing to be my best for him.

So, in the 3 whole hours: no sarcasm, no dismay, no any sign of uneasiness, didn't ask 'when are we leaving?', didn't say 'oh God', didn't roll my eyes.
Just smiles, listen attentively (at least I looked as if I am) and being friendly.

Alright, my dear readers! I heard a tiny voice in your mind saying 'hypocrite'!
I tried to be my best for him, that's it, whatever you say.

To be honest, I felt liberated to have survived the 3 hours. *clap clap*
From the moment I stepped out of the church building, I couldn't stop smiling and feeling so good that I kept on kissing my boyfriend as if we have never kissed before. 

Sense of liberation translated into passionate kisses and a whole lot of smiles and laughter, in the remaining of the night.
How nice is that! Thank God! Oops! : P

Well, actually it's not that bad because the whole night is basically just singing and sharing.
I deliberately turned off my brain or just let it wondered free.
It is probably the best move I made tonight. 

I don't wanna be sarcastic, judgmental, philosophical or curious in finding the answers for my doubts about religion.
I don't give a damn about religion now.
I found myself and inner peace, with lots of love, good will and positivity, not by any particular religion.

Lesson of the day: Being human doesn't mean you have to agree or conform. 

If it's what they wholeheartedly and happily believe in, and it's how they feel, I'm in no position to judge.

I don't have a faith in God like they do, but that doesn't disqualify me to be a good, loving person.
At least I tried to listen and understand as much as I could.

I believe in life, respect, gratitude, hope, humility, grace, dreams, trust, kindness, peace, gentleness, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, wisdom, truth, equality, change, justice, the power of smiles, hugs and kisses, etc.
Among all things, love. 

Love as hard as I could--that's my religion.

Much love,
N

P.S.
Couldn't turn my brain on fully, can't really do my French article or my baby project now...
Urgh! Hate being so unproductive! Maybe I should just go to bed early and wake up early tomorrow.

Goodnight & sweet dreams, my dear readers. Muah! 

Spread love : )

On Forever & My Nightmare

Before I start, Disclaimer: My boyfriend treats me very well.
It's just a nightmare, not that he cheats on me, as far as I know...haha
R, I trust you.

Ok, here comes the post:

'Forever' is a long long time. So long that it scares me a little.
I don't like to use the word 'forever', because the only thing I'm sure is uncertainty; people and things can change.
And being told 'I love you forever'; it's like telling me that I won a lottery but could only get it the day I die.
I dislike asking the stupid question of 'Do you love me?'.
If you love me, put it into words.
You don't have to say the three words often. Just occasionally.
Only say it when you mean it, and skip the word 'forever'.

An interesting image I came across, I rarely see Chinese appearing in Tumblr.

I love how the simplicity of the image captures the tenderness of the sentence.
For those who doesn't know Chinese/ Mandarin, the sentence is pronounced like this, 'Ai wo, hao ma?'
So gentle and tender that it kinda melts me.
Ask once, NOT once every day. 

Having fever these two days.
As if being sick is not bad enough, my emotions start playing tricks on me.
Unpleasant memories flash back. Negative thoughts haunt me.
All the mistakes I have made, things I have done or should have done, thoughts that I shouldn't even think about...everything unleash and haunt me.
I wanna pour out everything in my mind, but I couldn't, because I feel such a mess and I don't know what to start.

There is a Chinese proverb which I roughly translate into:
'What you think about a lot during the day, you dream of it at night.'
So it makes sense that I had a nightmare.

It started off having people I love or care, then they started to leave me one by one.
No, not only are there family and friends, but also people I see on a regular basis and those I haven't seen for a long time, meaning that it includes people from school, the church I used to go and people who had past away.
Before each of them vanishes, he/she asks me if I have been good enough for him/her and tells me how I have disappointed him/her.

I couldn't remember everyone or exactly who were in my dream.
I just knew that there were a lot, a lot of people.
Perhaps the final judgement, if it exists, would be similar.

The last one is you.
You were there with a girl. I couldn't remember how she looks, but I know she's pretty.
There is a soft look on your face and you two look at each other with almost caressing eyes.
Without a word, you led me to two doors: each represents a different journey.

The first one is me crying, breaking down, wanting to keep you, asking you 'why?' and promising to do everything you want me to.
It is the end of the world, at least my world. (isn't that enough?!)
I take things so seriously, try so hard to put my life together again, but I end up breaking it into pieces, with my own hands.
It seems like a dejavu.

The second one is that I lost everything and I am not myself.
The world inside the door is empty, all white, but I am there sitting still like I'm dead, even though it felt calm and I seemed to be at peace with myself.
It feels so weird/funny to see myself in a dream, from another perspective, like I'm looking at another person.

I don't know what to choose, so helpless and painful that I cried and cried.
I don't wanna fall back into depression, nor I wanna be an empty cold soul.
It feels like a long time when I stood there, struggling to make a decision, memories of us flashing back in my dream.
I decided not to walk into ANY door, I turned to you and said calmly (though tears still roll down my cheeks):

"I was once your muse. I was once your everything.
In a point/period of your life, you were mine and I was yours.
It's a fact. And for that, I am content."

I was so heartbroken that I literally cried myself awoke, right after I finished saying what I want to in the dream.
Waking up early this morning, trembling.
Got up, dressed and started the day.
But still, I hear my own voice in my head saying 'I was once your muse. I was once your everything.'

'I was once your muse. 
I was once your everything.'
Even though it's sad, it sounds so poetic and beautiful.
Maybe I should write a poem using those lines.

The dream was a painful one.
But it sort of taught me something, like how to let go and how to move on.

Feel so much better writing it out.
The nightmare really scares me and I really need a hug, but I'm alright.
Dear readers, thanks for reading.

Love,
N

Fear

I'm afraid of 2012.

Not because I think it's the end of the world, but because of the uncertainties and changes I am about to meet.
I'm about to graduate and I'm not sure of what comes next: continue to study or work.
The best scenario would be to study in Canada. But no one can guarantee that.

In almost all my life, I feel secure, mostly because of the love from my family, my boyfriend and friends.
The sense of security also comes from the fact that I make plans for my life.
Used to be a perfectionist and control-freak, now I'm open to possibilities.
It is exactly my openness to possibilities that makes me worrisome and anxious.

I'm excited about the future I'm going to venture into.
It feels like my world is just beginning, an adventure I'm about to set off.
Then the little voice in my head starts to pull me back, by breeding just one thing: Fear and doubts.

The what-ifs kept running across my mind that it is almost haunting:
What if I don't get admitted? What if history repeats itself?
What if I'm not good enough? What if none of the programs accept me?
What if I couldn't adapt to the lifestyle there?
What if our relationship goes wrong?
What if I come back and we become different persons?

The scariest among all is the worry about my relationship.
It is not even about trust. I trust him and he trusts me.
It's about the fact that people change and people make mistakes.
We are all changing bit by bit every day, in subtle and slow ways that we don't realize.
Not even about being better or worse, it's just a fact that people change.
My mother says it's important for a couple to grow together and keep up with each other, that even when the two people change, they know and fall in love with each other again.
And mistakes are inevitable.
I usually say that I accept the fact that I make mistakes, because then I learn and avoid the same thing to happen twice.
But I can't say that in a relationship; I don't want anything to go wrong.

In this holiday, I made a few mistakes.
Some tiny, some a little bit bigger; like walking out a date.
To disappoint someone you love is one of the worst feelings.
To see him/her frown, disappointed, upset, angry etc.
The worst thing one can do in a relationship (of any kind), is to ruin the trust and kill the patience.
I want to be a person that brings immense joy and comfort to my boyfriend, like the way he is to me.
I could be better and I'm going to be.

It is a horrifying thought just to imagine life without my boyfriend.
I'm quite independent, but since we have been together for more than 5 years; he becomes a part of my life.
Long-distance relationship takes even more effort to maintain.

The only fear is fear itself.
I hope that all my worries are just irrational, unrealistic thoughts, or me being a woman.
The best way to deal with fear and the stress it brings, is to confront it.
Yes, I'm afraid, but I will keep going.
Keep on working hard; learning as much as possible, hopefully getting the As, having deep and sensible talks about our possible-long-distance relationship, etc etc.

I know I'm still gonna panic and doubt; I am only human.
But I'm not gonna let the stress bring me down.
Just gonna smile and keep going.
I'm too old to escape from whatever unpleasant or being a cry baby.

Life, come what may.

Love,
N

Happy 2012!

Back home at around 3.
(I'm actually early. I heard that my grandparents were home later than me! Partying at the age of 70+!)
It took us an hour to walk from TST to my place
My boyfriend walked me home then it took him another hour to go home.
The jazz bar was very good, the music, band and atmosphere.
Not sensual, soft and intimate type of jazz, but big band sort of jazz, swing and festive.
Perfect for the new year's eve. We both have a blast.

Greetings from Hong Kong: Happy 2012!
Taken when we were on our way home. Didn't watch the fireworks.
Don't really like the crowd and the 'wow's as if they are kids.
Fireworks are beautiful, but I prefer the enjoy the show quietly or express the amazement quietly.

Woke up late today and  found home empty; just me and my unbearable craving for wonton noodles.
I have an obsession for wonton noodles, a local delicacy. Um...maybe not that local, since Chinese are everywhere now.
Every once in a while, I get sudden but strong cravings for it.
Usually when I just come back to Hong Kong from a trip.
But I guess it's a pretty good way to start off the year, eating comfort food and being down to earth.
Being simple and grateful is always the best attitude, isn't it? : )

My parents called and asked me to join them for brunch somewhere in TST.
It has traffic arrangements (again!) for some parade. I didn't want to walk an hour to get there.
At that moment, all in my mind is a good bowl of wonton noodles, simple as that.
I told them my craving and promised to take them to somewhere which is clean and serves good wonton noodles.
I bet I sounded desperate.They laughed and agreed to eat with me.
They laughed again when I ordered my 2nd bowl of wonton noodles.
Yup, I ate 2 large bowls of noodles. I told you the craving is unbearably strong!

I love how my parents always laugh when I do harmlessly stupid things.
They never criticize or control me excessively; only teach me important rules of life and then let me explore the rest.
I wanna be kind and loving just like them.
Probably I should treat my brother better too, my parents say I'm more like a mother than a sister to my brother. Worse, a typical Asian mother, the tiger mom, nagging him all the time and being mean.
Okay, I am gonna treat my brother better this year.

I have always told my parents that we should get each other gifts on special days.
But my mother doesn't understand it, she said, 'we don't have to wait for festivals to buy gifts!'
She is right, in a sense that every day could be a gift day, every day is the perfect day to express love and care.
I tried so hard to convince her that exchanging gifts on festivals or special days is something our family should do regularly as a tradition.
It's not about the price. It's about thinking of each other, addressing their needs or just making them happy.
I want handwritten notes/ cards and handmade little things.

My parents took my suggestion and gave me and my brother surprise new year gifts.
Just as my craving was satisfied and I was oh-so-happy, my parents gave me this bright orange-y box.

Gorgeous packaging

The packaging is oh-so-colorful and I looked just like this (probably starry-eyed too)--> : D

Unwrapping, unwrapping...what is it?

TA DA! my new wallet!

I just told you how much I love my old Kate Spade wallet and my parents got me a new one!
I love monochrome but not sure if I'm equally in love with the prints.

But I'm happy that my parents took my suggestion and I guess they like the new tradition too.
My mum was proudly saying that she knows that I adore the brand for its chic and fun.
She seemed to read my mind and said, 'I know your love the old one and intend to use it for a long time, but you can still use the new one. You can have both, don't feel like you're cheating on wallets!' and followed by laughter again.
My dad was saying he knows I like long wallets and it matches most of my outfits.

Both of them said they know I'd want to check out other wallets too, so they kept the receipt.
They know me so well!
And they said everything in that 'I-know-my-daughter-so-well-and-I'm-proud-about-that' tone that I can't help smiling to.

How can I not love my parents?!
Not just because they buy me stuffs, but more importantly because they know me well and love me as I am.
For what they did for us, all the sacrifices they made, their devotion and love for us, I'm eternally grateful.
Incredibly loving and supportive. And kind.

I wish them all the best in the coming year as they are about to make some important career decisions: they might work at home! Home office!
They are pretty excited about this home office idea.
Since their work can be quite flexible and that their smart phones or iPad or whatever it is can help them finish their work easily, they are thinking of giving the idea of home office a try.
I'm excited about transforming our study room into their new home office too!

I love home decor or doing these home makeovers.
Yup, I'm the art director at home and my ultimate goal is to re-paint the living room.
I mean it! I hate that sunset yellow we're having now. It gives me headache.

New year's day Dinner: seafood hot pot & Sake. Perrrr-fect match.
I'm gonna make breakfast for my family tomorrow. Shhh! It's a surprise!
I swear I needa work after tomorrow, or else I'll get into trouble and hate myself for having too much fun.

Happy 2012 to you. Thank you for reading.
Wish you a year full of love and blessings.

Love,

N

Upcoming post: Resolution (or Anti-resolution?)