Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Have you ever experienced a moment so intense and electrifying that time stopped and you paralyzed?
Inspired by a dream that I had a week or two ago, and some recent events, I wrote a poem titled the Perfect Pause.
It is raw but that's how I want my poems to be--simple, raw and exactly how I feel.
Here is to people and the moments that take my breath away,
The Perfect Pause
You look at me.
No, your gaze so intense
you are trying to absorb me.
You hold my face in your palm
as if I am a mirage soon to disappear.
The way you touch my face,
your fingertips write on my bare skin,
the poems that I crave.
A spark of fear,
and a tinge of melancholy
flickering in your eyes.
The first time I see in you
the dance of sadness
and hear your silent cry.
The things that I know best.
You did not turn away,
nor did you bother to hide,
the tears in your eyes
and the fear for goodbye.
Looking into you,
and your eyes meet mine.
The moment so infinite
so naked that
there is nothing more to hide.
The world come to a halt
with the perfect pause,
when time has stopped
for what is mine and yours.
This is all I have longed for,
a journey I long to travel,
a glimpse into your soul.
How was Halloween, everyone?
I hope the hangover isn't that bad.
I didn't have plans for the night, so I guess that automatically means I picked 'trick' over 'treat'?!
Sure it was a trick when I spent the whole night in excruciating pain...
Anyway, I hope yours were much more pleasurable than mine.
Isn't it peculiar when people feast, drink and party on Halloween?
What exactly are they celebrating: life or death?
And why don't we have a festival to celebrate life--something like Easter but without the Christianity element?
Well, we need excuses to party and celebrate, that I understand.
When the title of this posts says 'mean girl', I didn't mean I was pretending to be one of the girls in the movie Mean Girls.
But this post has a lot to do with those type of girls depicted in the movie--girls who dress and act like sluts.
Halloween is such a peculiar festival.
As I grow up, I began to understand that Halloween is of particular importance to party girls and sluts.
You don't see guys putting that much of effort into dressing up.
Probably because they put most effort in hunting for girls, because on this particular day, some people get their wish granted--wearing the sluttiest outfits, the ones that they hide in the deepest corners of their closet and still getting tolerated.
Actually not just on Halloweens, think about those Christmas bunnies and Little Red Riding Hoods outfits!
Mean Girls the movie captured the essence of Halloween best, with the following quote:
'Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In girl world, Halloween is the one day in a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.'
Right on the spot!
They could wear their skimpy, tasteless sluttish outfits and still being tolerated.
And if men get a little too friendly, too close or touchy-feely, girls can always blame the guys by screaming 'pervert!' while stomping the men's feet with her killer heels.
Killer heels.
What a name!
Not only meaning that the heels kill with their sexiness but they have this name for a practical reason--they are a girl's best weapon, whether it's for self-defence or pure revenge or just to hurt.
Imagine being stomped on your toe (or worse, more important body parts) with that tiny but sharp heels...OUCH!
To make the weapons even more lethal, shoes these days are much higher. And uglier, so they hurt your eyes too!
Yes, I said it, they are ugly as hell.
I really don't care if other girls like it, the most important thing is that shops shouldn't let ugly shoes dominate.
Do you have ANY idea how damn difficult is it to buy a decent, nice pair of heels now?!
Sometimes I look at some girls feeling amazed by the diversity of sub-species in human beings.
Sometimes, with just one stare at them, I want to be a sociologist/anthropologist/ biologist:
1) Just where do they get the courage and pride to wear such outfits and think that they look attractive?
2) What is beautiful about sea-urchin-or--spider-like fake lashes, coloured contact lens, excessive lace and heels that look like moveable stage?
3) Do their eyes see things the same way other people do? Or special species like them see things differently?
4) Who is responsible for this 'standard of beauty'? Just who the fuck is he/she/are they start this? Fashion police should hunt those people down. What a crime!
Sea urchin and spider on her eye
Spider heels. This is REALLY scary.
Being a woman doesn't make me understand other women's thoughts and minds any better.
Okay, guys, I can hear your 'Uh-huh! you see?' and I see your nodding heads.
Yes, sometimes I just don't understand...
I'm not against dressing up or wearing costumes. Dress codes is one of the things I love the most.
Whenever I decide to wear a costume, it's either all or nothing.
Most girl don't put enough effort dressing up---a pair of animal ears or a fur ball on your butt and you call THAT a costume?!
Step it up, girls!
Girls, if you are DYING to show as much skin as possible and have your body be seen by as many as people possible, why bother to think of an outfit or a character to pretend and spend money on outfits that are made of cheap plastic?
You could just grab an apple, some leaves and you are ready to go--you are Eve!
After all, there's not much difference when you have more than half of your boobs out, forcing a cleavage up to your neck and your shirt is too short to even cover your ass.
Seriously, Eve is a much better idea.
It's refreshing, bold, daring, simple and cost effective.
I could really understand why men can find some women scary and appalling.
Poor men...
Okay, enough with me bitching about the bitches and witches on Halloween.
Something much nicer to share with you.
I know it's a little too late for Halloween costume ideas, but this vid is JUST too good not to be shared.
Ellen pretending to be Sofia Vergara.
Sofia Vergara is one of my favourite actresses.
She is sexy and hot but the BEST part is that she is so funny. Every time she appears on Modern Family, I can't help but smile the moment I see her.
And once she starts talking, I just burst into laughter, not to mention that her lines are usually clever.
What a fantastic woman she is--sexy, attractive, fun-loving, enjoys dancing and funny!
And Ellen, she did a great job pretending to be Sofia.
She's not bad in a wig, makeup and that 'feminine' outfit, actually better than her usual short hair!
Dear readers, enjoy.
Hope Halloween was a nice treat to all of you, especially for the little ones.
Don't eat too much candies, or else you will have a big bum like Ellen! :)
This might sound crazy: I want to feel the typhoon right now.
The typhoon (signal no. 10) which is making houses shake and making people worry about whether glass will break.
I want to feel powerless and in awe when I look at the dark, heavy clouds that blanket the city.
I want to feel it physically--the power of nature.
I have the urge of hearing winds roar and get soaked wet from the non-stop heavy rain.
At the same time, I'm in this place with almost perfect weather--sunny, warm and bright, with clear sky.
The ironic thing is I'm having this level-10 typhoon or storm in my head.
Thoughts are getting louder and louder and racing in my head that I just wanna scream out equally loud.
But I just can't.
I don't even have the power to scream out loud.
I got so blown away by my own thoughts that I'm totally speechless.
I don't even know what I'm writing now, because I don't even know what I'm thinking.
Whenever there is bad weather, the advice is always gonna be: Stay safe.
Stay in somewhere safe and sheltered so you won't be hurt.
I guess it applies to this storm in my head too, I should just stay in somewhere safe, secure and take no risk.
Well, it is gonna go, what I feel and how I feel now.
We can never avoid storms, but positivity is our own sunshine. :)
I think I'm getting a phobia. I'm fear of making applications.
Trembling hands, raised heartbeats...wonder if I'm just too enthusiastic or just too anxious.
If you know how human brains work, you'd know that excitement and anxiety/fear are basically same mechanism, just that we give them different interpretations.
In my case, there is no excitement, just plain fear and anxiety for application.
Same procedures, filling in the forms, answering questions, looking at my transcript...
I can't escape. If I don't even try to apply, I will regret and hate myself.
Honestly, I really have absolutely nothing to complain about going through necessary procedures.
It's the mental or psychological torture that I don't wanna go through again...
Doing self-reflections, thinking about my dreams and passion,
feeling inadequate to achieve or fulfill anything,
realizing that I have not achieve anything in the past years,
thinking of my past failures,
realizing that I've failed for so many times,
doubting myself, feeling useless & ashamed of myself,
feeling that I'm just not good enough and never will be, no matter how hard I try,
feeling worthless and a bit hopeless,
fear of being rejected again,
fear of disappointment when all of my effort turn to nothing.
The list goes on and on.
I know it's a downward spiral, I know it's the games/trick of the mind.
But sorry, I just fell in the spiral and get drowned in negativity, I can't help it.
Confronting myself is perhaps not that difficult, but admitting the fact that I'm weak/ I'm a failure is.
But then, acknowledging my imperfections perhaps will make it easier for me to move on and let go.
My dear readers, I hate to admit but:
1) I'm a failure and I'm ashamed of myself.
2) I'm scared. I'm really scared.
Sometimes I just hate myself.
I just fucking hate myself.
This is perhaps one of the best times to practice what I preach:
Confront your fears. This too shall pass. Stay strong and keep going.
Fight a good battle for yourself. Don't let negativity sabotage you.
Positivity is not a born personality trait, it takes determination, deliberate choices and tons of practice.
I'm learning and I'm just a beginner. If I can take such a step, you can do it too.
