A Little Heart

♥

This little thing used to fill up my schedule.

At the beginning, these little hearts filled up most of my week, 4 to 5 each week or even more.

Then it became once every two days. Still not bad.

In busier weeks, one or two little hearts.

At the worse times, one little heart in two weeks.

As I flip over my schedule of last year, there are fewer and fewer little red or pink hearts.

I only see a few of them scattered all over the month, like little spots here and there.

Then at some point, there is no more little red hearts.

They stopped appearing on my schedule.

I couldn't remember exactly when it was, but they just stopped.

Is it that I stopped having the feeling 'I HAVE to draw these little hearts to remind myself of the wonderful time'?

Or that the romance and passion itself die down over time?

Or is it that I am 'too busy' and no longer bother to even draw these little things?

The answer is probably as complicated as the question, so I'm not gonna dwell on it...

There are fractures in my relationship that made me stopped drawing them.

Without going too much into what the fractures are, 

to put it simply, I no longer feel the thrill which urges me to fill my schedule with little red hearts.

But today, it came back----I want to draw one little heart on my notebook again.

That old-fashioned, simple and humble notebook I have. 

It's so humble and old-fashioned that I find it simply adorable.

But the sad thing is that the notebook is so 'used' that it is falling apart now.

And my new schedule book only starts with 25th this month.

Um...so what should I do? 

Now that I'm back to this 'I have to draw a little red heart' feeling, why not do it here and share the joy with my readers?

So here it is, 

8th December, 2012: ♥

Oh! I forgot to tell you what the little heart means!

Whenever I see my boyfriend, whether it's a whole-day date or just a brief MTR ride of a few stations, I draw a heart.

I draw it out of the joy of seeing him and spending time with him (no matter how short it might be), I just want to mark the moment down. 

I'm so glad it's coming back.

Those long-lost feelings...

the excitement I have the night before our date,

the sweet contentment when you hug me tight or hold my hand,

the comfort of having you around, spending time with me doing nothing,

the way you gently touch my face and kiss my forehead without me asking for it,

the relief when I can finally talk to you after a day of work and exhaustion,

the feeling that I miss you when we say goodbye (or even before we say goodbye!).

Thank you for making me wanna draw the little hearts again.
Thanks for bringing these feelings back.

 ♥

Two in love can make it, 

Take my heart but please don't break it.

Take my heart but please don't break it.

Please?

Love,

N

On Happiness

It is raining outside.
Usually a rainy day would make me feel grey, but somehow today's rain calms me.
Perhaps what calms and soothes me is not the rain, but conversations, reflections and thoughts.
Even though this is my blog and everything is about me, I'd like to ask:

Dear readers, are you happy?

'Are you happy?'
A question that I find very difficult to answer, yet one that I like to ask and I always mean it when I ask it.
I don't ask it to everybody, but only to the ones I genuinely care about.

Sometimes I'd think that I don't have the right to be unhappy, comparing to those whose sufferings are simply unimaginable for me.
Well, being happy or not is a subjective feeling and there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings, I understand that.
But as I compare, I see myself as some very lucky girl who just has no reason to grumble anymore.
Whenever I think of those who suffer so much and yet still fight so hard, all my sufferings suddenly become bearable and light.
No, I don't see myself as important or more capable, but to remember those who endure so much more than I do, that gives me incredible strength.

Thoughts on happiness
1) No one is responsible to make you happy. Not your family, friends and not even your spouse.
Only you yourself. (I have said this before, somewhere in this blog, I remember)
But of course, we often find happiness and joy from others.
The point is: don't take that for granted.

2) Having all the reasons to be happy doesn't make a person happy.
At the same time, unsatisfied with one's life doesn't disqualify one to be happy.
Happiness is more like a choice, than a portfolio of what you have and don't have.

3) It's not about what happens in your life, it's about how you deal with these things and what you make out of them.

4) We tend to focus on and enlarge our problem too much, to a point that we care too little about other's well-being.
Self-indulgence is not healthy.
Yet, to bring happiness for others is a daunting task.
So instead of happiness, I aspire to bring occasional sweetness to those around me, just to remind them that there are still something nice about life.

I don't want to start feeding you with cliches on how to be happy (take a look at the diagram above, its simplicity makes me smile), like 'stop comparing, count your blessings, be grateful and you'll be happy'.
These cliches exist for a reason, partly because it's true.
But then again, they are easier said than done, that's why we kinda hate them even though they have some truth.
For that reason, I find myself unsuitable to repeat cliche advices.
First, because I have no right to tell anyone how they should live their lives.
Second, simply because I am only human.
To be specific, a 22-year old naive young woman whose life seems smooth and lucky, thus whose opinions about life are simply negligible. (I guess that's how a lot of people, those who don't care to know me as a person, sees me, unfortunately)

Life is short, be happy.

And since happiness is subjective, it doesn't really matter what I say about happiness, especially when I'm just a random blogger out of the millions.
But I wish you all the best and all the happiness.
And I'd like to make a final point.
No matter what you are going through, be it happiness or sorrow, please keep this in mind:

This too shall pass. Yes, this too shall pass.

Love,
N

P.S. it's Chinese Valentine's Day today, just reminded by my mum.
Not important for me at all.

Stress-filled or Love-filled Birthday Month?

People say life's a bitch.

Sometimes, life is fucked up; our world is fucked up.

I know I know, a lady shouldn't swear.

Excuse me for the language, I'm trying to say something important.

I have been sleeping really little lately,
feeling like a zombie,
assessments & work are piling up,

deadlines are coming,
I want to go out & have fun AND it's just impossible, 

I crave for real food....

There is something wrong with this world we're living in.

Oh, not just some.

We all have our share of bad, unpleasant and nerve-wracking things.

That's a fact.

The point is: how you handle it?

Do you let it bring you down or embrace it bravely?

For all those who are out there, struggling on things large or small,
I want to tell you this:

Love your life, pick yourself up, keep going and be the best you could. 

This sounds cliche and easier said than done.
It's easier to say 'I'm a loser', 'I just cant do it anymore'.

But hey!
I DARE YOU: When things don't go right, smile & say 'come what may'.
That's what a true lady does, live it with grace.

Love more, love harder. Love life, love people & love yourself.

I know I know, sounds like I'm an insanely religious  person, preaching: God is LOVE!
But no, I'm not. 

Religious? No. 

Insane? Probably.

2 Random ways to make yourself feel better on a bad day/ hectic schedule:
1) Listen to Jessie J's songs.
I ADORE this girl. She's got loads of love, very positive, vibrant, energetic & daring.

I never idolize any of the celebs. 

But I honestly think the world would be a nice place, if there are more people like her.

2) Have nice long chats with interesting people or people who care about you.

That's one of the many ways I get myself out from stress, when life gets a little overwhelming.

It freshens up my mind & brightens up my day.

I hope you feel a little better after reading this, if you're having a stressful/ bad time now.

Now, I'm feeling much better after this 'half self-talk' thing. 

Should go back to work now.

Love,
N

P.S. My boyfriend & I have been together for 5 Years & 5 Months now!
Thanks for being there for me all the time, even when life gets bad.

Love Your Neighbours as Yourself

I got a reply from the Civic Centre, but it's not very likely that I could do anything such large-scale like they are doing, all by myself.
So, I'm just gonna make it a little project with photographs and see how it goes.


The past couple days were rough; mainly filled with disappointment.
Then this quote just popped into my head:


'If you can think of times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings. The ability to do that with ourselves. To treat ourselves the way we would treat a really good, precious friend. Or a tiny child of ours that we absolutely loved more than life itself. And I think it’s probably possible to achieve that. I think part of the job we’re here for is to learn how to do it'  ----David Foster Wallace


Have I been treating myself the way I treat who I thought to be precious?
Um...not really.


Inspirations:
1. Before I Die I want to treat people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings.
2. Before I Die I want to treat myself exactly the way I mentioned above.


Love & bisous (since I'm taking up French again :P),
N

Simple Pleasures of the Day

Appreciating small things in life & be grateful :]

1. The moment when I slipped into bed
    Bed sheets & blanket covers of 100% cotton & over 600 thread count, heavenly!

from eclecticrevisited

2. Having a great time with my grandparents
    Every time I see them still being very healthy/ have a nice chat with them/ seeing them happy, I know what genuine happiness is.
    Gave them two of my paintings, their smiles are precious & priceless
 
3. Spending quality time with people I love

4. Doing well in what I'm interested, knowing that it's worth to take a risk

What made you happy today?

Love,
N