May I be Excused?

It's already 3sth a.m. and I still couldn't sleep.
Today's Mother's Day, an obligatory time to have a family gathering. The big one, which I detest.
I just want to be absent.
I dont wanna see any of my relatives.

The same old cycle of conversation that I can stand no more:
'So you're graduating this year?'
'Yes.'
'What are you studying again?'
'Political science and international relations'
'What kind of job can this major do?'
'Anything' (in my heart: meaning nothing)
'Are you going for Master's?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'They didn't take me.'
'So, what job are you gonna do? Civil servant or business?'
'Maybe, I don't know yet.'
'Oh.'
'Yea.'

Exactly what is going to happen dozens times tomorrow.
Why can't people just listen to one of such conversations and stop repeating it?!
I should just record my responses and loop it tmr.

Just by thinking of such a scenario, I wanna escape or go hide somewhere.
Maybe I will just put on a mask tmr and pretend sick, so I can keep my mouth shut.
Maybe I should talk a sleeping pill or even double doze of it to myself miss the brunch.
Or just take it as another occasion for me to sharpen my skill of 'look calm and composed while feel like screaming and feeling totally fucked up inside'--I'm the soon-to-be best actress in town.
They think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really, I'm just quietly judging from afar that they are not worthwhile for me to speak to.
But still, out of both etiquette and naive hope that good intention might one day change nasty people, I still speak.
Though I keep it minimal and there is usually no communication at all because the quality of conversation is so poor that it shouldn't even be called a conversation.

Take me away.
Just take me away to somewhere.
Anywhere quiet and safe enough for me to be myself.

Love,
N