Random Note from Turkey

I think I already got used to Turkey.
(Well, except those men who are excessively passionate and 'friendly' to girls. )
So fascinated by this country that I wanna come back, before I even leave its soil.
 Different parts or cities have their own distinctive features,which is good.

Now I'm sitting at the hotel lobby lounge.
This hotel is like a camping resort--wooden and bricks or stone buildings among the woods, don't feel like I'm in Turkey at all.
Instead, it feels like I am in the US or Canada.
It's raining and cool right now, I guess 15 to 18 degrees?
Well, I am not good with numbers. Um...it is like autumn, cool and dry.
Perfect day for maxi dress and wrapping myself up in a colourful scarf I bought here.

How interesting that i am blogging in the lounge with French songs in the background, having real parrots in large large cages next to me occasionally singing (love their sounds) and yet I'm in Turkey. Funny combination.

My friends said I belong here.
I do wanna come back again. I have to come back again.

Dear readers,
Is there any place which fascinates you? Is it where you live or a place you have been to?
Is there any place you feel like you belong? Is it your home country?

Love,
N

Merhaba, Turkey!

Summer destination #1: Turkey
Turkey is such a gorgeous place--vibrant colours, delicate patterns, ancient cities and beautiful nature.
Just back from Pamukkale, which is famous for its hot spring.
The single most-said sentence during the trip is, 'wow!it is gorgeous!'
A lot of interesting and unexpected experiences.
After a whole day of sightseeing in the ancient city of Ephesus and the beautiful Pamukkale, I'm so tired now.

Anyway, just wanna let you, my dear readers, know that this blog is still active.
Will update once I'm back.
Gonna write a travel journal as well, with plenty drawings :)

Love,
N

On Packing Light, again...

Last summer, I wrote a post on my inability to pack light.
You know, as times goes, people learn and people change.
We improve on our weaknesses and become better.
Probably you'd think that I'm gonna say I improved.
But no, another reality in life is: some parts of us just never seem to go away, no matter how hard you try.

My packing-light disability is so engraved in me that it is in my genes (just that my parents don't seem to have this problem) and further intensified by the fact that I'm a woman.
I'm just a woman.
So, no escape. I'm doomed.

Same old haunting questions that fill my mind every single time I pack:
'Should I bring an extra outfit? Maybe an extra (t-shirt/cardigan/shirt/bra/scarf/whatever that is).'
'Should I bring unwanted clothes to toss away during the trip? But why should I bring unwanted clothes to a trip instead of nicer ones?'
'Do items match?'

Surrounded by a castle that made up of little knolls of clothes, I just sat there for hours, being so helplessly miserable and don't know what to pack and where to start.
If girls fantasize knights on white horses coming to save them, that is the exact moment that I want him to come to my rescue.
Yes, I am that miserable.


Even though I did made a list of things to bring, it doesn't seem to help.
9 outfits turned out to be 11 mismatching outfits, 9 sets of underwear turned out to be 3 bras and 12 panties,
2 jacket turned out to be 5...
Don't ask me why or how it happened.
Probably my suitcase has magic power to get excessive number of items and leave out other essential items.
I'm sure it's just my magical suitcase. Not me.

Dressing conservatively is a good idea for where I'm heading to.
So, this time I'm bringing with me:
1) A total of 5 maxi dresses, both plain and patterned ones. Navy, grey, black, and colorful printed ones.
2) Shirts for laying: 1 denim, 1 checked, 1 plain white
3) 2 pair of jeans: one light, one dark
4) Loose or slight over-sized t-shirts: off-shoulder & v-neck
5) Scarves
6) 1 pair of sandals, 1 pair of flipflops, 1 pair of Converse sneakers
7) Jackets: 1 denim jacket, 1 linen blazer, 1 cardi, 1 zip-up hoodie

Overpacked, I know.
Won't be able to throw any of the items that I bring because they are all my all-times fav staples.
Given that they are all versatile items, I can actually wear them for a whole month by mix-and-match.
Anyway, going to rationalize and downsize it tonight.

Note to future husband:
1) If I take hours to pack, create mess at home and make you impatient, don't get angry or laugh at me when you see me being so helpless. It really is one of my weaknesses. Sorry, I'm just a woman.

2) Sometimes I forget to check the weather forecast, so please tell me about the weather of our destination. Words please, not numbers. I know this is stupid but telling me that it would be 9-25 degrees doesn't make much sense to me. Rather, tell me: autumn-almost-winter weather.

3) Even though I'm tempted to have someone else pack for me, I'd probably do the whole thing again myself. If you are ever sweet enough to offer help, thank you but it's a good idea for you to leave me alone or just give me a hug when I'm totally lost.

4) When I get trapped in this eternal paradox of packing unwanted clothes VS nicer clothes, just tell me to pack both. This suggestion saved me today and I guess it'll work again.

5) If I stuff my suitcase, which happens every time that we should make it a 'truth', show me your love by giving me that extra space in your luggage. I'd be so grateful and repay you in a way that you'll love.

6) If you ever need my help, I'm more than happy to pack for you. But only when I'm done with mine. You know, harder task comes first.

7) I think men's shirts are perfect items for travelling. So don't be surprised if you find some of yours missing or finding them in my suitcase. I promise I won't take your favourites or pricey ones.
I know I'm spoiled, but for that few days of the trip, they are mine.
If you take them away from (or take them off) me, I'll bite you. Whether the bite is in a nice or not-so-nice way depends on how you do it.

8) Finishing packing might mean nothing to you, but surviving the countless hours of packing is a mini accomplishment for me. Please reward me with a hug/ kisses/ a 3-min shoulder massage.

Love,
N
(Progress of packing: only half done...)

Letter to My Baby (2)

My dearest baby project,

I couldn't possibly write in the acknowledgments: 'My gratitude goes to my project.' It would be awkward. But really, I'm grateful and proud to have a baby of my own.

You have led me on a wonderful journey, or rather you are the fruit of my wonderful journey.
Both ways are true.
You have no idea how much you have given me:
the pleasure (and pressure),
the satisfaction of learning so much new things (and the dissatisfaction for my limited intelligence and my excessive talent in procrastination),
the joy of doing what I'm curios and interested in.

But the best thing is: the people that you have brought me to know.
If it wasn't you, how on earth could I meet them?!
Not only did you bring me to them, but also allowed me to know some of them much better and much deeper.
And this is something I will never forget.

Thank you, my baby, for:
-making me proud
-letting me to know myself better
-bringing me to new people
-knowing people in much greater depth
-encouraging my curiosity so much that I can freely submerge myself in my quest for knowledge
-inspiring and motivating me to carry on and be who I am

The adventure hasn't end.
I'm still exploring this another world which works according to a different set of rules.
You know, I'm not a full believer of what they claim to achieve.
I'm just pathetically,terribly curious that I want to see for myself before I decide what to believe.
Sort of like an extension of my research, but in the form of on-site participant observation.
 But what I am doing comes from you. (Well, technically you come from a paper I did for my Foundations of IR class.)
Anyway.

My heartbeat is racing just by thinking about what is going to happen today.
Even though you are not the best, you are always my baby.
 Baby, make mommy proud. :)

Love,
N (totally obsessed with her project)

PS. Lesson learnt: Dan Ariely is absolutely right.
To make someone attach or make them devote completely, make the thing theirs.
This is why I love my baby so much.
So that's why I get this new project at work--so as to make me a devoted cheap labour?
Wicked boss!

Mother's Day 2012

Survived a family brunch gathering that lasted for 3 or 4 hours today. Same old place.
I'm NOT complaining on the quality of the food, but I just think certain food should stay as authentic and traditional as possible.
One thing that I dislike is restaurants adding unnecessary 'luxurious' ingredients into every dish that they produce, turning a simple dish into something pricey and too fancy.
Some dishes are MADE to be simple in order to be comfort food or recall certain childhood memories.

For example, steamed shrimp dumplings.
All I ask for is thin wrapper, not-too-tiny shrimp bits and tiny pieces of bamboo shoots. That's it.
Nobody should invent shrimp dumplings with black truffles, bird's nests and shark fin.
(Also, please stop eating shark fin)

Still about the food, I like that they make tofu pudding (Tofu fa), a dessert, in front of us.
While my relatives didn't even give a glance, I stood there and talked to the chef.
Obviously making this dessert is too simple for a chef and probably most of us know what tofu is made of.
But still, how often do you get to see how tofu is prepared?
He even let me try how to make it, which is nice.

It's already 4sth after brunch.
The four of us went for a walk and do some shopping for tonight's dinner.
Went to a boutique with mom and I got her a beautiful chiffon dress.
And a chiffon cape with delicate hand-sewed beads and embroideries.
I like that it is delicate and looks vintage.
Just that I don't know what to wear it with...yet.

Dad and I made dinner for the whole family.
Simple but delicious.
Dinner for tonight:
-Romaine salad with crispy bacon and caramelized onion
(before I could stop it from happening, someone added veggie chips on fresh veggie salad, totally random...)
-Poached egg on toasted wheat bread
-Salmon Steak in Honey Mustard Sauce (My 1st attempt to make honey mustard sauce: simple and quite successful I'd say)
-Extra: Bite-sized Angus beef for the guys (don't look good on pics so no pics to share)
Drinks: White and Rose. Just need something cold and refreshing, not being picky at all.

Picture time!

Totally random veggie chips that my bro sprinkled on the dishes
I kept the salmon skin simply because we like it that way.

On the kitchen countertop
The salmon doesn't look moist here, but it really is moist and half-cooked.
Exactly the way it should be prepared. :)

The excitement of cutting a poached egg turns me into a kid again.

Excitement from a poached egg, works every single time.

Pleasure in everyday simplicity :)

Mum, I hope you've enjoyed the day.
I love you, not just on Mother's Day or your birthdays, you know that.

Even though I have not told you or dad, I sometimes wonder: if I ever had a daughter like myself; curious, sensitive, stubborn, perfectionist, complicated and weird, I'm not sure if I can handle that, I'll go insane.

But here you are, being laid-back, supportive and trusting all at the same time.
With me being such a pain in the ass  just the way I am, I think you've done a great job, Mum. :)

I never told you this: sometimes I see myself as such a loser and a failure.
Thank you for trusting me and loving me the way I am.
At times when I feel absolutely terrible, depressed or having storms in my head, I know you noticed it, just that you choose not to ask but wait for me to decide whether I want to share with you or not.
Mum, thank you for giving me so much freedom and trust for me to be myself and to be different.

I hope one day I'll make you very proud.

Maman, je t'aime toujours.♥

Love,
N

May I be Excused?

It's already 3sth a.m. and I still couldn't sleep.
Today's Mother's Day, an obligatory time to have a family gathering. The big one, which I detest.
I just want to be absent.
I dont wanna see any of my relatives.

The same old cycle of conversation that I can stand no more:
'So you're graduating this year?'
'Yes.'
'What are you studying again?'
'Political science and international relations'
'What kind of job can this major do?'
'Anything' (in my heart: meaning nothing)
'Are you going for Master's?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'They didn't take me.'
'So, what job are you gonna do? Civil servant or business?'
'Maybe, I don't know yet.'
'Oh.'
'Yea.'

Exactly what is going to happen dozens times tomorrow.
Why can't people just listen to one of such conversations and stop repeating it?!
I should just record my responses and loop it tmr.

Just by thinking of such a scenario, I wanna escape or go hide somewhere.
Maybe I will just put on a mask tmr and pretend sick, so I can keep my mouth shut.
Maybe I should talk a sleeping pill or even double doze of it to myself miss the brunch.
Or just take it as another occasion for me to sharpen my skill of 'look calm and composed while feel like screaming and feeling totally fucked up inside'--I'm the soon-to-be best actress in town.
They think I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really, I'm just quietly judging from afar that they are not worthwhile for me to speak to.
But still, out of both etiquette and naive hope that good intention might one day change nasty people, I still speak.
Though I keep it minimal and there is usually no communication at all because the quality of conversation is so poor that it shouldn't even be called a conversation.

Take me away.
Just take me away to somewhere.
Anywhere quiet and safe enough for me to be myself.

Love,
N

Work the Murderer

Ever wonder how long does it take for life to kill a person?
Ever wonder how long does it take for a society to murder one's inner child?

Faster than you could ever imagine.

Thought it is insane enough to be given an entire long-term project on my first day of work.

When today, my supervisor said, 'arrange a brand new vending machine in a local uni campus on the coming Thursday', I know I was wrong--it only gets worse.

To make things much worse, no instruction was given on how to do that. 

Just a pile of contacts and product list and the project is all mine. 

Given that I only work 2 days per week, this means I only have 2 more days to make it happen.

So I spent the day contacting the vending machine company, machine packing and decoration artists, traders, making sales log and stock log templates and arranging logistics.
Still a lot of phone calls, arrangements and co-ordination to be made next Monday.

It's challenging but I love that I'm in charge of this whole thing and it feels good to be in control.

 

See? 

Caution no.1 of how work life destroys a person: turning a woman into a man. 

Being efficient, strong and capable shouldn't mean the loss of femininity--unfortunately many of us got too occupied by work that we suffocate ourselves as women.
And that is absolutely wrong. Big mistake. HUGE mistake.

I'd like to share with all of you my favourite quote which goes like this,
'Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing so gentle as real strength.'  

Reminder to self no. 1: A woman who loses her femininity is nothing. 

Strength of a woman comes from the fact that she enjoys being a woman.

Step 2: how a person is silenced by exhaustion.

I hate it when locals make phone calls using a typical 'work voice'.
They all have exact same patterns of pausing, use of same useless words that create this weird 'work tone/accent' that make their voice terribly annoying and fake.

I know we have to sound nice and efficient, but that work voice is so freaking annoying.

And it's even more annoying when once the person gets off the phone, he/she speaks in a whole different voice again!

I hope I don't have a work voice.
And for the first 15 mins my colleagues finishes their calls, I don't wanna talk to them at all.
After making 1-2 dozens of calls, I don't wanna speak anymore.

So exhausted that I kept silent even when I went out for dinner with my bf and have not talked since I got home.

Note to self no. 2: don't let work destroy you so quickly.
Recall your happy, positive times at school, when you are with your family, friends and loved ones.

Even though there are things that you dislike, suck it up and be an adult.
Be mature and nice.

My dear readers who have already started working,

Please forgive me for being rude, but allow me to ask a question?
Have work destroyed you? Or the opposite, that you managed to be yourself under stressful work?
If you belong to the latter, congratulations and please, I beg you, tell us how you did that. 

Lessons to learn for work-life balance (if there is such a thing...):  <--unintentional sad face!

Be yourself.
Strength comes from embracing your femininity, or masculinity.

Be aware of how life could destroy the best of you, never let life murder your inner child.
:)

Love,
N

Welcome to Adulthood

Adulthood.

Well, I'm way old enough to be called an adult.
But university life is so carefree and happy that I panicked about today: my 1st day of work.

Nothing much, just a part-time job and today I'm only supposed to work for a couple of hours.

Still, I was being so miserable today that I tried all means and excuses to escape from it.

Believe me, I was really miserable and I have a witness to that.
I kept on listening to one song after another, packing or walking slower than a 90-year old lady, almost glued myself to the chair, refusing to go to work.

 

Not that I dislike the job, I chose to accept it.
Not that I'm such an idealist who thinks what I do now could change the world.

Probably I was miserable because I don't want my student life to end.
I miss classes. I miss lectures. I miss intensive reading. I miss writing. I miss the long chats.
I miss my day-offs. I miss procrastination, even though I shouldn't. I miss the people. 

I miss my withdrawing room. I miss the smell of it. I miss the 'spying'.
Never expect myself to miss university life this much, but now I can make a long list of things I will miss.

To put it simply: I have found my new comfort zone in life, this year particularly, and I'm scared to step out of it again.
I'm actually terrified.

Still, missing my university life is not a good enough reason to be so miserable towards my first day of work.
It is actually so not cool to be like that even on the 1st day, when I haven't even start working.
Not proud of that, bad example.

So I got back to my love-life-as-hard-as-possible attitude.

Well, I like that this is a challenging job and I'm given much responsibility and some freedom for individual work.

Surprised by the workload of my first day; made dozens of calls, sent about a dozen emails, did some translation and...I was already given a project to be in charge of!

I like challenges but I can't help but think of myself as: cheap labour.

Terribly exhausted when I got home, and it's just 4 or 5 hours of work!

Okay, okay. I know you all have busy lives and tiring job, so I'd better stop bitching about it.

Now I know why work rips people of their lives, their smiles, their creativity, their curiosity, their positivity and their happiness.
And I hope you (and me, also) try all your best to guard yourself from getting ruined by work.

Even though you're tired and there is still tons of never-ending work waiting for you, please don't see yourself as a slave. If you feel that way, you will really turn into a slave of it.

Excited about what the future unfolds.
A lot of challenges and crises, but also opportunities and blessings.
Stay positive and love life as hard as I possibly can.

Dear readers, let's try our best to enjoy our work, even though it's boring/tiring/too much of work/too challenging/low-paid etc.

I'm going to work hard and learn as much as I can, in this new workplace-not-school-anymore setting.

Remember: YOU are the boss of your work and career.

Love,
N

P.S. Something very awkward happened when I was doing groceries after work.

I thought this sort of thing only happens in the movies. Guess what happened. 

Time's Up, Pens Down

As I finished my very last examination, my life as a full-time student also came to an end.
In my 2-hr Security Studies exam, I repeated wrote words like 'survival', 'threat', 'uncertainty', 'security', 'fear' and 'strategy'.

For the first 30min or an hour after my final examination, I only wanted to say, 'Hello, summer!'
All in my mind are my summer trips.
Well, the excitement did not last.

After the brief hour of excitement, things I wrote in my exam came back to me: 'uncertainty, insecurity and fear'--pretty much how I feel about losing the identity as a full-time student.
Being a student makes up the largest part of my life and now it's gone.
So this is actually a bit of an identity crisis, isn't it?

Well, end of an identity could be something nice as well.
Particularly when the end of it means you no longer get defined or constrained by what people expect of the identity.
Those rules, regulations, hierarchy or conduct.
While you get privileges of being a student, like discounts etc, there are also things you can't do as a student.
And now, I am free.
Good to have more freedom, but that also means fewer rule, and I like to break rules.
Breaking rules for more freedom, having more freedom but no rules to break. Such a paradox, isn't it?

No idea how the world of full-time work is like yet, but now I really wanna:
1) go back in time and start all over again
2) apply next year and go back to studying
Goal for the next 1 or 2 years: go back to university and be a student again.
Working in an university or research centre is such an ideal job for someone like me.
Wish I'm smarter or good enough to get what I want...

Anyway, end of student life doesn't mean end of learning.
I'm most certain that learning is a part of me that will never go away.
I'm just born curious.
And I hope work wont kill my curiosity and creativity (limited), because those are the parts of me that I like to keep as long as I live.

End of student life, what's next?
1) Chain traveling
2) Work: 1st day of work tomorrow!

Readers, stay curious.

Love,
N

On Introspection and Change

'Discover yourself and embrace differences'--my teenage motto.
Knowing myself--for me perhaps one of the most important lessons in life.
Last night, I was in a struggle between playing the role of 'good' girlfriend or being myself.
Well, the two are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe I should put it as 'fulfilling his expectations' and 'following my heart'. (still not mutually exclusive, but anyway)
If it is my friend who is in such a situation, I'd tell him/her right away: be honest, be yourself, that's the way to make relationship work and last.

We met and fell in love at a church. I have always described him as an angel.
There was a time that I was a devoted believer.
Then things changed, many aspects of my life shattered. Religion no longer gives me peace.
Positivity gives me strength to move on. I brought myself inner peace again.
Loving life, loving myself, loving others--love is my religion.

I told him exactly how I feel: I found inner peace, I don't feel the need to go to church.
Tried to explain myself as clearly as possible. In fact, I have been trying to explain this for years.
Tried to go to church for other reasons but the religion, as he suggested, like thinking that I'm accompanying him or making a bunch of mutual friends.
I really tried and I got tired.
The harder I try, the more reluctant I get--I don't want to be an actress, lying to others, to him and to myself.

Am I selfish? Have I not tried my best?
Such introspection makes me feel bad about myself.
Not that I think not going to the church immediately makes me a bad person--which, unfortunately, is the logic of  many believers. In their language, I'm a 'lost soul that went astray and desperately needs to be saved.'
Even though every single time I hear that, I want to ask, 'how lost am I exactly?!', that remains a question that I never bothered to ask--even if I ask, I won't get an answer as we speak different languages.
Or maybe to them I'm so lost that I don't even know that I am lost?

The major reason I feel bad is letting him down--letting him down lets myself down.
When he said, in disappointment, 'so there is nothing I can do to change your mind? Think about why you went to church, think about how we met, think about how it changed your family.'
I am truly grateful for all these blessings, but going to church should not be like...repaying a debt.
He quietly said, 'you changed.'
These two words are heavy to take, a bit like a judgement or an accusation, because what they really mean is: 'I'm disappointed about you, you let me down.'
Like a reflex, I said, 'yes, people change. All of us do. The thing is I'm more happy now than I was.'
Oops! Sounds like an automatic self-defense, even to myself.
So, I went silent.
I was saying the truth but I'm old enough to have learnt one thing:
Most of the time accepting the truth is more difficult than telling the truth.
Sometimes, much much more difficult... 

Have I changed?
It'd be a lie, or a mere lack of self-understanding or self-awareness, to say I have not.
Too bad that most of the time and most of us, by that said I'm included, only see the bright side of our own change, but not so much about the down side of it.
The funny (or not-so-funny) thing is: when it is others who change, we often see the bad side of it first.
While we are so obsessed with 'be the change you want to see in the world', everybody want to change the world and nobody want to change themselves.
You know what that is?
Human nature. Our flawed human nature.

After a while, I told him I still love him and don't want this matter of going to church to come between us.
I said it is 'a small thing, an individual choice.'
I went silent again. This time because I found myself wrong, sadly after I said it.
It is not a small thing. Values can never be small things in a relationship.
But then, not going to church does not mean that I disagree with all the morals that it preaches.
I remained silent because I see how hard he was trying to understand me without judging me,
I appreciate his patience, don't want to overload him/ confuse him.

Today I threw a temper on my parents and my boyfriend, about booking flight tickets.
I burst out my frustration.
A short one and I only let out just a small part of my frustration,
but I was loud enough to put myself into silent again.
This time because of shame.
I am ashamed of myself, for such a lack of self-control, for my impatience, and for hurting people that I love.

 'Am I spoiled and hot-tempered? Have I become a nasty pompous girl who takes everything for granted?'
I really hope not.

My pursuit of happiness should not equate selfishness, at least I never intend to or want it to be.
We can discuss but please don't ask me what's the difference between 'loving yourself & be yourself' and 'being selfish & self-centered'.
The line between is so fine that I won't and will never be able to give an answer, not necessarily to you but also to myself.

I don't like what I did today.
But in general, I like that I'm much more positive and happy now than I was.
The truth is: Bit by bit, day by day, all of us change. I won't stop changing. You won't stop changing either.
But I hope there is one thing that would stay with all of us, no matter who we become,
that is: the desire to keep changing for the better, the aim to become a better person.

Constantly ask:
'Do I like who I am right now?'
'How, and in what ways, can I become a better person?'
And then, more importantly: if you don't like it, do something and change it.

Lifelong goal:

Be better, everyone. Be better. :)

Love,
N

What's the Name of this Song?!

What is worse than getting distracted while you should be working/ revising?
Getting distracted by yourself.

Found myself humming familiar tunes when I was writing my papers and revising.

Could even sing with some of the lyrics but couldn't recall the name of the song.

Every time when I'm sure that 'I know it!' but my mind gets stuck and I couldn't name it, then my mind goes crazy and I will be totally obsessed with it that I couldn't just leave it.
I know it's gross but sometimes I describe such a situation as 'brain constipation'.

Running around in my place, humming and singing it to everybody and begging them to tell me the name of the song.

And the part of lyrics I faintly remember is the funny part,

'we won't have to let others know that we own a telephone'

Mum asked, 'A telephone? when were you born?' 

She never seem to grow tired of making fun of my obsession for anything from the good old days of 1920s or 1950s, anything old-school and vintage.
'Yea, mum, I was born in the wrong time. Before someone finds out I'm a time-traveler, I should go back to my room to wear my bustier, then go back to my withdrawing room and have a cup of tea.'
On a second thought, I do all of what I have mentioned. 

Anyway, so none of them know the song in my head and I'm not surprised.

As I sing it again and again, it sounds more and more like a cha cha.
Not the typical fast and hot cha cha, but more like jazzy, bossa nova kind of cha cha.
Oh, right! I used to dance to this song.
I still remember vividly my dance classes. I was so young.
The first time I dance to this song is a summer day, much like today.
I like how my dancing school is located on a building near the flowers market.
Noisy, crowded and full of flowers, but once I push through the glass door of the school and the bell hang on the door rings, I'm in heaven.
I usually have classes after school, in school uniform and my schoolbag, but I always have a set of sportswear or dance outfit there for change.
No matter how tired I am, once I'm in my dancing clothes and shoes, I'm blissfully energetic.

I still remember the little details:
how we stretch against the mirrored wall,
the sound of dancing shoes on the wooden dance floor,
that relaxing scent of the classroom and
the bubbly sound from the tank of goldfish.
Oh! And one of the goldfish has a broken tail.
Those good old times....

In a split of a second, I understand why none of them know the song and I understand why my parents always tease me for my liking for anything from the past...

The song is 'Tea for Two'.
It was a popular song in 1925, reintroduced and made popular again by Doris Day in 1950.

It has such lovely lyrics:
I'm discontented with homes that are rented so I have invented my own.
Darling this place is a lover's oasis where life's weary chase is unknown.Far from the cry of the city, where flowers pretty caress the streams,Cozy to hide in, to love side-by-side in. Don't let it abide in my dreams.

Picture me upon your knee,
 just tea for two and two for tea,
Just me for you and you for me alone.
Nobody near us, 
to see us or hear us,
No friends or relations 
on weekend vacations,
We won't have it known, that we have a telephone.

Day will break and I'll awake
and start to bake a sugar cake 
for you to take for all the boys to see.


We will raise a family, 
a boy for you, a girl for me,
Oh, can't you see how happy life would be?

As I finally recall the name of the song (and singing it right now),

partly blissful reminiscing my good old dancing times and partly miserable about my revision,
I guess maybe my parents are right,
I was born in the wrong time and place...
but who cares?! I'm blissful singing Tea for Two in 2012 :)

Love,
N