One birthday party for 200 and another much smaller Father's Day family gathering.
I'm glad to share with you that I survived both parties very well. Phew! :)
As a fresh graduate, the single most scary question to be asked is,
'so what are you going to do next?'.
Or more specifically, 'how's job search? What job are you looking for?'
Well, if I made it into psychology, I wouldn't have to go through such awkward moments.
But the truth is: I didn't get into Psychology and I have to deal with those questions all the time, which is why I want to be absent from or escape from social events.
I feel bad about myself.
That familiar feeling that I'm a failure--a recurring and terrible feeling that I cannot get used to.
I know, people ask about you because they care about you, but sometimes it is the concern that pressurizes.
I have thought of ways to avoid be asked questions.
Examples:
1) Stop being well-dressed. Ever feel like you wanna disappear or become invisible? Yes? Me too. So I thought if I stop dressing up and kick off my high heels, I could just blend in so well that people won't notice me anymore.
Result: Fail. Those who wanna talk to you are still gonna catch you, especially very persistent (/annoying) ones, they can always hunt you down somehow. The fact that you are not dressed up makes you feel even worse.
2) Be absent or escape. It's good to take breaks every now and then, but you can't do this all the time.
There are other ways like speaking rubbish but pretend that you are saying something meaningful, excuse yourself for toilet trips or phone calls, etc etc.
All of these little tricks doesn't help me to get rid of that anxiety, awkwardness and feeling of 'failure'.
So I thought, 'why bother to live in such a tiring manner?'
I survived the 1st dinner easily. Mostly because there were many guests and I was too unimportant.
It is very easy to hide or 'swim' among the guests.
Get a drink, mingle for a while, move on, disappear to washroom, come back and talk to someone else, smile and disappear. Repeat the process.
People are certainly aware of your presence, they talked to you for a while but they didn't have enough time to find out your future plans. Awesome.
The 2nd one was a bit more difficult because it was a family gathering.
My tactics for the night:
1) Find a topic that THEY can do the talking while I just listen (or pretend to listen)
Good ones: News. Anything related to money, any type of market. Shopping. Health. Their kids.
My recent trip to Turkey is proven to be quite an interesting topic that makes people forgot the fact that I have to find a job. And thanks to iPad, I showed them pics to distract them even more. Nice.
2) Keep answers short and do it firmly & politely.
Send the message: I don't wanna discuss further, if you could excuse me.
I don't mind telling my grandpa that I'm still figuring out my direction, but he doesn't have to know the storm in my mind like 'I'm feeling really nervous, miserable and insecure. I don't know what to do with my life. I wanna go back to university, not for escape but to feed my curiosity. My current supervisor doesn't trust/like me. I don't wanna work there anymore.'
The world has enough negativity and everybody has their own problems, who'd wanna listen to me bitching about such things anyway?!
And after all, we all face similar situations in our lives--so, no big deal, I can handle that. :)
Besides, I don't want them to worry about me.
Somehow, I think it is a type of disrespect to your parents or older family members if you make them worry about you.
Last but the most important thing to survive unwanted conversation:
Be yourself and be honest.
It always works.
As we all go through similar situations and people only ask about you because they care (with some exceptions who just wanna make you appear as a loser), it's perfectly alright to let them know that you are still figuring out your way.
None of us are born with everything. To create our own lives is something we should all be very proud of.
Never be boastful and make things up to appear better.
What's the point of doing so?
For face? To impress people that you don't even like?
I'd rather save that energy to build my life.
So my answer for tonight was, 'I'm still figuring out what is suitable for me and I'm open to all possibilities. Staying positive and working my best won't lead me too far astray. After all, it's just my first job, I can change and create my path, can't I?'
Oh! I just realized that I have used a tricks, subconsciously: end with a rhetorical question so they can only agree with you.
Um...what else? Yes! Be confident and smile.
Dear readers,
Next time you go to a social event, don't be nervous, probably many of the guests are as nervous as you.
And now, with the little tricks I shared with you, I think you are ready to go.
It is not as difficult as you thought, right? You just need confidence and a bit of practice.
Be confident, be honest, stay cool, have good manners and just smile.
You are gonna be fine. :)
In case you are still nervous, loosen up by looking at such cute pictures!
By the way, happy father's day! :)
Love,
N
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