What a year!
I laughed, I cried,
I broke down and calmed down.
I built and created things with my hands and destroyed things with the same pair of hands.
I met new people and lost some beloved ones.
I ended my life as a student and started my new life as part of the work force.
I left familiar places and went on adventures to unknown new places and countries.
I loved and at the same time, had quite a few heartbreaking moments.
At the beginning of 2012, I decided not making any resolutions because I knew it would be an extensive list of things I wouldn't able to achieve if I set specific goals for myself.
I knew there are lots and lots of things I want to achieve or improve.
And I know a rebellious person as I am, I don't follow rules and stick to plans.
So what works best for me is--No boundaries to limit myself. The sky is the limit.
I try my best with every single thing whenever I feel ambitious about it.
Did it work?
I think so.
Let me share with you some of the many great things I experienced in 2012.
1) My baby project led me on quite a journey.
2) I graduated with unexpectedly good results.
By the time I graduate, I wasn't feeling ashamed anymore.
I am actually happy and felt like I learnt something and grew up.
Who would have thought?! I still remember crying so much when I knew I got into this program and hated going to school for almost the entire first 2 years!
3) Worked for the fair trade NGO.
It fed my curiosity about how fair trade really works.
Thought I would enjoy working for a cause, but was very disappointed to find out the actual work of an NGO doesn't resemble any of my imagination.
4) Went to the gorgeous Turkey. It is like no other places I have ever been to.
5) Went to Stanford for the summer. Something I still couldn't believe that happened.
6) Travelled part of the East Coast of the US.
7) 1st time traveling with my boyfriend, to the US and Korea.
8) Worked in a place that I have always been very curious about.
Work was much more interesting that I thought.
People are so unbelievably nice.
It's a job that is too good to be true.
9) Made some good decisions.
10) Gained precious relationships.
But while I feel like 2012 was a fruitful year and have a feeling that 2013 is gonna be challenging but equally memorable, I have to say I have not forgotten about the huge loss I suffered in the end of June.
I share all these good exciting news of mine with people who are close to me.
But there is still one more person that I want to share with but no longer able to.
I wrote that I felt like we were on a train which he got off early, forgot to say goodbye and will never be able to.
I wrote that his death is gonna be a forever sadness.
6 months have passed and I still feel the same.
I miss my cousin who was like a big brother to me.
If he were still here, he is gonna be very proud of me for my little achievements, even though they are just negligibly little ones.
I forgave myself for my flaws and the mistakes I have made, the doubts and confusion that I trapped myself in and the occasional self-induced negativity.
I hope people forgive me for the damage I did to them and to our relationship.
I hope I didn't hurt others more than I ever imagined.
I hope I wasn't a trouble or a mistake.
I can wipe out all these negative events that happened and only remember the lessons I learnt.
But the one fact that I lost my cousin, it is still too painful to be forgotten, too big a loss and too deep a wound.
As much as I don't want to accept the reality, a fact is a fact.
I don't want to say that I have become stronger, wiser and better in 2012----because I don't feel like I am any stronger, wiser and better. And even if I do, it is just natural that people grow up and be better. It is nothing to be proud of.
In general, I enjoyed and loved my life in 2012.
And I'm determined to stay positive and have this 'love life as hard as possible' attitude for the years to come.
Dear readers,
What have you learnt in 2012? Did you spent it good?
I hope you did.
But if you didn't like 2012, don't worry, the prophecy of doom's day in 2012 was just a false alarm.
Let's make 2013 a better year then.
Hello 2013!
Stay positive and love life :)Love,
N
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