Lingerie Shopping (Part 1): Because I Said So

Recently, I went lingerie shopping with my friend.
It was quite an experience.


'This brand is known to be functional--they put your body in the right places!' she exclaimed with excitement.
Okay, if there is anything that can re-direct fat to the right places, it deserves the Nobel Prize.
So we headed into the store and soon found ourselves surrounded by:
1) women who want their fat 're-directed' and
2) not-flattering bras (You know, those heavily-padded ones with excessive laces and weird colors.)

While we were swimming around in the sea of women and unflattering bras, we heard door bells ringing all the time, even without customers walking in.
That was weird but we didn't bother to figure out why.

It took both of us some time to found 1 bra that is 'acceptable-looking' that we decide to try on.
We weren't impressed by the design, we were just curious to know what's so special about this brand's products.
There was a long queue so we suggest sharing a fitting room.

So I stood there queuing up because I am completely uninterested by their other designs.
A saleswoman walked up to me...
I SWEAR she is actually a magician!
she slipped a measuring tape around my waist then up to my chest in the blink of an eye.
Before I knew, she measured my size and announced it.

I stood here, completely shocked and embarrassed.
I felt my ears burning and my cheeks blushing.
Yes, the store is filled with females and I'm not particularly ashamed of my measurements, but having a complete stranger to measure me without my consent and THEN announced it?
Well, thanks, rude stranger.

Finally, our turn to the fitting room.
'Ring the bell when you are ready, I'm gonna come in and check,' the sales lady said.
They have door bells in each fitting room and whenever a customer needs assistance, they ring the bell.
No, it's not that kind of sweet customer service.

The saleswomen there seem to have a very good potential to be teachers--to be specific, those discipline department teachers who are straight and mean.
Or, they have the potential to be most nagging and annoying girlfriends and moms.
They are exactly the women who put one hand on their waists and have the other hand pointing at you, saying 'no!'
So, it's more like 'You can't buy a bra without my approval. Why? Because I said so!' that kind of thing.

When my friend and I were changed into that bra we wanna try on, we looked at each other and asked ourselves, 'do we really have the push that button and call her in?'
We actually had to summon up our courage when we hit that button.
Within a few seconds, the woman came in.

I was trying to tell her that I need something bigger, but before I finished my sentence, she dropped hers, 'no, this design is not good for your body. Anything else you wanna try?'
'I need a larger...' I responded.
'No, you can't.' She firmly said.
I was slightly offended and said, 'I don't have anything else I want.'
Then she moved on to help my friend--just to pick her another size which she didn't feel comfortable in.

Both of us were not satisfied and we left.
We were a bit shocked by the sales lady.
She is like a military officer giving orders: No! Not for you! Listen to me! You can't!
And my friend and I were obviously two gentle sheep that she kicked around.



How stressful it is to be family or friends with a person like that?
Imagine having someone pointing her finger at you for whatever you do, every single day.
I am afraid of stern women. (or any stern, mean people actually).


It was some stressful shopping experience but we laughed it off.
Actually once we stepped out of the store, we can't stop laughing.



To be continued.

Love,
N

Mirage

A poem I wrote after I woke up in the middle of the night because I felt sick.
The physical discomfort stirred things up in my mind.

I must be either having a dream or seeing hallucinations, or simply missing somebody too much.
This is my way of saying 'I wish you were here next to me. I need you'.

This poem is for the people I dream about.

-------

Mirage

The chill of the night,
the absence of light,
leave my head pounding,
cheeks burning
and a fever I can't fight.

Under the moonbeam I see,
you standing in the shade.
Do you come to be with me?
Or in the next moment away you'll fade?

Are you a ghost or a phantom;
that falling leaf
I try to catch in autumn?

The burn in my throat so unbearable,
I utter words so soft almost inaudible.
I hear myself say
'dear, love, please stay.'

There you are walking towards me.
Your palms against my cheeks,
as if I am rare and dear.
A kiss planted on my forehead,
with tenderness you whisper,
'hush, for I am here.
Time to go to bed.'

No longer do I fight,
my flight in the night,
with lightness like a kite.

The night swallows me
and then she spits me out.
Over a cup of tea,
I ask myself,
'what was it all about?'

This is nothing but a dream,
just a beautiful mirage it seems.

-------------
Dear readers,
Ever had a similar dream-or-reality experience?
I hope you like my poem.
Time to go to bed.
Sleep tight and sweet dreams, everyone.

Love,
N

Skylark and its Saudade

Note to readers:
I wrote a more fiction-like post, basically a short story, which talks about more or less the same thing this post does.

But it was written in a much more emotional way and I certainly added some imagination to it, making it a bit more sensuous, in a sense.
It is partly imagined, partly inspired and partly real.
I named the story 'Skylark and its Saudade'.

But since I wrote it with inspirations from my recent night out and memories from my favourite jazz bar  which just did its final gig before temporarily closing for renovation (thank god it's jus temporary!), I'm afraid the story is too fine a blend of imagination and real life incidents that would only confuse some of my readers.
So in order to prevent that, I'd rather not post it, at least for now.
For your information, I already wrote a disclaimer on the story which says: 'Any resemblance may not be coincidental'.

So before I'm ready to post of my fictional post, I give you this version of 'Skylark and its Saudade':

Skylark and its Saudade

Music is a language of emotions and memories.
A familiar song always have the magic power to time-travel me back to certain special moments, good or bad.

I seem to have this eternal weakness.
Whenever the restaurant plays a familiar tune or the bar plays some particular songs that give me dejavu, I'm always paralyzed with nostalgia and emotions.


There is something ineluctably seductive and addictive about jazz.
Jazz does things to me--makes me sway, makes me smile, makes me melancholy with nostalgia, soothes my sadness and also turns me on.
It always send a tinge of electricity to my ears and down my spine, awakens every cell in me and melts me at the same time.
Then leaves my body very slightly trembling, with a flicker of lust that linger on the ends of my hair and fingertips.


As the notes flow as deluge into my ears and hit my eardrums, an orchestra of synapses in my brain starts to play.
Then in a sudden snap of synapse, certain things, lines and words, random conversations just start echoing in my head.
Flashbacks of memories begin to flood me and cascade over me an avalanche of emotions.
Again. For the 236th time I guess.
And I go paralyzed for the rest of the day, or even days.

Sometimes music works the other way, when I feel terrible and in a split second when a tune, say a Jason Mraz song, hit my eardrums, serotonin level is back to normal and I'm in delight.

I guess I'm just an avalanche of emotions masqueraded under the shape of a woman.
Hey, I'm just a woman.


One thing I wanna say is that: I feel lucky as my most recent experience where music brings flashbacks of moments in my eyes, those were all precious happy memories that only put a smile on my face.

Thank you for all the pleasant memories.
And I'm glad that certain songs can bring back those memories as pleasant little surprises to warms my heart.

Love,
N

Note: in case anyone get curious, 'saudade' is not English, it's a Portuguese word.
Somehow, I don't quite like the English word 'nostalgia', so I always want to avoid it.
I wanted to use the Welsh word 'hiraeth' in replace of it, but I found the Portuguese word 'saudade' a better match to what I want to express.
And for alliteration purpose, it seems a better word to use for the title too.

Things I Have Learnt From My Old-New Job

Time flies.
Having lessons, studying and taking exams feel like yesterday.
For the record, I actually like exams.
The word 'like' is an understatement, though 'love' would be an exaggeration.
Spending the entire day reading,
discovering something new that I've missed (always the case),
having a better understanding or a whole different interpretation of what I have learnt,
the half-anxiety-half-excitement thrill that I have right before exam starts,
the sound of scribbling (you know we don't write in exams, we scribble) and flipping paper (particularly true in open-book exams, we flip over notes as if we are beasts!),
the bittersweet feeling when the exam is over--'happy it's over! But wait, did I screw up? I didn't do that bad. No, damn! I could have done much better!

All of these feel like yesterday...or maybe a week ago. :)
I'm now in a totally different environment: workplace.
My 1st job after graduation is better than I thought--no mean and demanding boss, no unfriendly gossiping colleagues, not much office politics, no after hours work etc.

As I am about to leave this too-good-to-be-true job for a challenging-but-still-exciting new job,
I'd like to write down the lessons I have learnt from this job, both as a reminder for myself and for some of you who are having a bit of a struggle with their work.

Here are a few things that I have learnt:

1) Colleagues and atmosphere are more important than you think.
Most of us thought the quality of our work is mostly based on us, our abilities, efficiency, IQ and EQ and all that kind of things.
It's true but having a friendly office atmosphere is just as important.
One thing I really like about this office is that people greet each other, even if they don't know each other.
As long as we are going to the same floor in the elevator, we know we are working for the same organization. You don't see people building walls around them, saying 'I'm from this team and you are from another team'.
People bring in homemade cakes, bake cookies, buy everybody breakfasts or afternoon snacks, etc.
I really like the atmosphere there where people share and treat each other with trust and respect.
Communicate and build relationships!


Tip 1: Always greet your colleagues.
Tip 2: Smile. Be nice. Share. Be human. Not just at work but everywhere.
Being professional doesn't mean you have to be a cold robot.


2) Think and use your common sense.
Common sense is, unfortunately, not common.
Even if you don't fully understand the importance of the task you were given, or for some reason you don't have to permission to understand everything fully, try your best to know what you are doing as much as possible.
Ask as many questions as you can, within the authority that your job gives you.
Remember: Always be careful with what you do and use your common sense.

3) Learn from your mistakes.

People make loads of careless and avoidable mistakes.
Well, to err is human.
But to make the same mistakes over and over again? No excuse.
Expect more from yourself.

4) Resist temptations. Have your own rules.
I meant temptations of all sorts. But here, I specifically mean the temptation to dress down.

With my job, I don't have to deal with clients in person. Just a few times over the counter.
I do have to work around a lot, fetching files, distributing files etc.
But most of the time, I have a typical sit-down office job.
So I see a lot of my colleagues wearing very comfortable clothes, especially on no-meeting days.
For example, runners and sweatshirts.
Sometimes ladies kick off their heels and change into their slippers as they reach their office.

It is awkward to see a manager walking around in her slippers while distributing work to her subordinates.
She is so neatly dressed on top and her slippers just ruined the image in a millisecond.
I know heels hurt like bitches. But to be fair, a good pair of heels hurt much less.
And if you still wanna wear slippers, it's ok but please change back into decent shoes before your feet leave the shades of your desk.

5) Listen and observe.
Just a general rule in life that I always stick to.
People don't always mean what they say and sometimes they don't even know what they want!
Listen and observe. Don't talk back.
Even if you have a good reason to, choose an appropriate way to express it.

6) Expect more of yourself. Work in your own pace and schedule. Don't compare.
Just because your colleague finishes 30 files in a day doesn't mean you can't finish 50.
You don't have to slow down your work, unless your supervisor requests it.
You don't have to speed up in sacrifice of the quality of your work either.
As long as you know what you are doing and you communicate well with your colleagues, stick to it. Competition doesn't always boost productivity.

7) Make yourself home to your workplace.
No I don't suggest bringing a pillow.
But adding a few personal touches while staying professional isn't a bad idea.
Organize your work desk the way it works best for you.
If you could ever see my work desk and my former-colleague-now-friend's desk, you can totally see how different we are.

8) Don't Gossip.
I am very lucky that people don't gossip much and there is only minimal office politics.
If you happen to work in a place full of gossips and rumours (which I guess 99% workplace is), hold back your tongue and stay away from it.
Gossips and rumors are not juicy---they are hurtful and counterproductive.

9) Try to love what you do.
Remember that there is always something you can learn from it.
Discover and focus on the fun part.

10) Learn to detach.
On days when I have bad mood, I can't work properly. So I have yet to master this.
Focus on your job and leave other matters at the back of your head.
Equally important, let work stays in where it belongs---office.
Once you leave your office, try to relax and destress.

I truly enjoyed the time I spent in that job.
It was more exciting than I could have thought.
People are nice and I still remain friends with the other new girl.
We have lunch dates, movie dates, share books. We call each other and text each other often.
I hope my new job is gonna be equally exciting and fruitful.

Dear readers,
What do you learn from your job? Do you enjoy it?
I hope you do.
Keep discovering new things and appreciate life.

Love,
N

How I Spent 2012

2012.
What a year!
I laughed, I cried,
I broke down and calmed down.
I built and created things with my hands and destroyed things with the same pair of hands.
I met new people and lost some beloved ones.
I ended my life as a student and started my new life as part of the work force.
I left familiar places and went on adventures to unknown new places and countries.
I loved and at the same time, had quite a few heartbreaking moments.

At the beginning of 2012, I decided not making any resolutions because I knew it would be an extensive list of things I wouldn't able to achieve if I set specific goals for myself.
I knew there are lots and lots of things I want to achieve or improve.
And I know a rebellious person as I am, I don't follow rules and stick to plans.
So what works best for me is--No boundaries to limit myself. The sky is the limit.
I try my best with every single thing whenever I feel ambitious about it.

Did it work?
I think so.
Let me share with you some of the many great things I experienced in 2012.

1) My baby project led me on quite a journey.
2) I graduated with unexpectedly good results.
By the time I graduate, I wasn't feeling ashamed anymore.
I am actually happy and felt like I learnt something and grew up.
Who would have thought?! I still remember crying so much when I knew I got into this program and hated going to school for almost the entire first 2 years!
3) Worked for the fair trade NGO.
It fed my curiosity about how fair trade really works.
Thought I would enjoy working for a cause, but was very disappointed to find out the actual work of an NGO doesn't resemble any of my imagination.
4) Went to the gorgeous Turkey. It is like no other places I have ever been to.
5) Went to Stanford for the summer. Something I still couldn't believe that happened.
6) Travelled part of the East Coast of the US.
7) 1st time traveling with my boyfriend, to the US and Korea.
8) Worked in a place that I have always been very curious about.
Work was much more interesting that I thought.
People are so unbelievably nice.
It's a job that is too good to be true.
9) Made some good decisions.
10) Gained precious relationships.

But while I feel like 2012 was a fruitful year and have a feeling that 2013 is gonna be challenging but equally memorable, I have to say I have not forgotten about the huge loss I suffered in the end of June.
I share all these good exciting news of mine with people who are close to me.
But there is still one more person that I want to share with but no longer able to.
I wrote that I felt like we were on a train which he got off early, forgot to say goodbye and will never be able to.
I wrote that his death is gonna be a forever sadness.
6 months have passed and I still feel the same.
I miss my cousin who was like a big brother to me.
If he were still here, he is gonna be very proud of me for my little achievements, even though they are just negligibly little ones.

I forgave myself for my flaws and the mistakes I have made, the doubts and confusion that I trapped myself in and the occasional self-induced negativity.
I hope people forgive me for the damage I did to them and to our relationship.
I hope I didn't hurt others more than I ever imagined.
I hope I wasn't a trouble or a mistake.
I can wipe out all these negative events that happened and only remember the lessons I learnt.
But the one fact that I lost my cousin, it is still too painful to be forgotten, too big a loss and too deep a wound.

As much as I don't want to accept the reality, a fact is a fact.

I don't want to say that I have become stronger, wiser and better in 2012----because I don't feel like I am any stronger, wiser and better. And even if I do, it is just natural that people grow up and be better. It is nothing to be proud of.

In general, I enjoyed and loved my life in 2012.
And I'm determined to stay positive and have this 'love life as hard as possible' attitude for the years to come.

Dear readers,
What have you learnt in 2012? Did you spent it good?
I hope you did.
But if you didn't like 2012, don't worry, the prophecy of doom's day in 2012 was just a false alarm.
Let's make 2013 a better year then.

Hello 2013!

Stay positive and love life :)

Love,
N

Deeply Superficial

Quiz time: who said the following ?
1) 'I am a deeply superficial person.'
2) 'Being good in business is the most fascinating kind of art. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.'
3) 'Everybody will be famous for 15 minutes.'

No idea?
Big hint: The same person who created these art pieces.

Went to the Art Museum for Andy Warhol's exhibition two weeks ago, with my dad.

I'm not particularly into pop art. 

Yes, it is bright, colorful, and often has a sense of humor. 

But sometimes, its sense of humor is in a way...weirdly creepy.

Plastic-y, fake, thick and sticky paint, glossy material...sort of reminds me of a crazy clown that entertains you and then all of a sudden turns into an insane serial killer chasing after you with a knife.

Some of Andy Warhol's works still give me this killer-clown feeling.

But still, the exhibition is quite a delight.

I'm not particularly fascinated by his famous works Marilyn Monroe, Mao Zedong, Cow and the Campbell Soup Can series.

They are nice but they don't make me wow.

On the contrary, his earlier works are much more interesting--they are very adorable.

Too bad the exhibition does not showcase a lot of those works, but we have the Internet. :)

His works from the late 1950s are so adorable that I could imagine sharing his illustrations with children and making them smile.

Little girls would love these painting.

I'm no longer a litter girl but they are so cute that I wish I could be able to draw like that.
If I could draw such cute and sweet things, I would doodle a lot and draw these for people I love.

Basket of Flowers 1958

Butterfly Layered Cake 1959

Some of the works in '25 Cats Named Sam and One Blue Pussy'

Ice Cream Dessert 1959 

So Happy 1958

A Gold Book 1957

Lips

Aren't they lovely? :)

Other than these sweet illustrations, his nature and animal themed paintings are also my cup of tea.

I guess it has to be with my inner wild child.

Flower for Tocama Dome 1982

Kiku 1983

African Elephant 1983 

Grevvy's Zebra 1983

Cat 1976
(What a pretty kitty! J'adore!)

I was surprised that he did a portrait for Hedy Lamarr.

She was such a beauty. I think she is one of the prettiest women, like Grace Kelly.

But she was so much more than just a pretty face, she was also a very intelligent woman who contributed to our modern technology.

Um...I should write a featured post on her.

Last piece of Andy Warhol's work that I want to share with you---Male Fashion Figure 1960.

I really like the fine details on the fabric part, really resembles the texture of fabric.

My dad seemed to like the bright colours and the playfulness of pop art.

It was a delight that I went to the exhibition with him.

We both enjoyed the relaxing afternoon. 

After the exhibition, I want something. Two things actually.

No no, not two pieces of his art.

I want:

1) A colouring book featuring his work. Would be very fun to re-interpret his works with different combination of colors

2) A day for an art date with my friends creating art that is Andy Warhol or pop art inspired. Would be so fun! 

Dear readers,

Do you like pop art?

Love,

N