The Beat that my Heart Skipped

The day after I returned, I went for a drink with a friend in one of my favourite places in this city.
The bar was on the 30th floor, panoramically overlooking the fantastic harbour view.
The moment I saw this familiar yet always captivating view, my heart skipped a beat.


This view never fail to amaze me. (given that it is not foggy, when I can actually see something)
I fall in love with it every time, even before leaving for my trips.

Before I realize, I already heard myself speaking my mind out loud to my friend,
'this is the city that I love, the city that I call home.'

Not only was I filled with pride, that was the moment when I realize that I love this place more than I thought.
Yes, I'm talking about the same place that I bitch a lot about-- this over-populated, stinky, always too hot and moist place where people live inhuman lives and people caring too much about money and face.

Recently, this city made my heart skipped a beat or two, not with its gorgeous view this time.

Occasion 1) The protest against national civic education
If you judge my love for this place by the political participation I engage in, you will see a cognitive-behavioural dissonance.
Though I'm a political science major, I am not a registered voter and usually politically apathetic.
Pretty odd, I know.
In terms of local politics, I learn and study what happens but I always remind myself to stay impartial and never take sides, so that I don't selectively learn the materials.
At other times, I just did not care because most of the arguments are not life and death issues.
And isn't moderation the key of life?

Seeing teenagers, around the age of my brother's, actively involving and protesting, I am both proud and ashamed.
Proud to see people fighting for their beliefs, and ashamed of my 'moderation'.
I begin to doubt my own beliefs, because of the current, on-going protest.

The scale, the orderliness, the peacefulness and the unity are stunning.
Politics is all about power and politicians do nasty things for the search of power, I know.
But there should be limits.
For me, one of these limits is: don't affect the kids. Don't limit their potentials as openminded and level-headed individuals.

This is the first time that when I was asked about my views on a government policy, I cannot find the right word to express my opinion, except saying, 'they either have no brains or not even a speck of conscience, those fucking bastards need to keep their dirty hands off our kids!'
I could not recall the last time I say someone is a 'fucking bastard' and I wonder if I have even said that before.
This is the first time I sign my name for the petition against the policy.
This is the first time that when I heard the government softens and cancel the deadline of executing the policy, I said to my friend, 'high 5!'

Occasion 2) A candidate's response in one of the debates
To be honest, debates between local candidates are mostly low-quality screaming, yelling and verbal attacks, in which the people involved seem to be talking about totally different things and never actually listen or make relevant responses.
It's not a debate and surely not a conversation. I don't know what to name it.
And most of the time, you know what was said is not even close to the truth.

I watched a short clip of two female candidates.
One of them asked, 'we all make sacrifices to become politicians. Some of us sacrifice our high-paid professional jobs, some sacrifice their health. What makes you think you sacrifice more and make a better candidate?'
(The other candidate chose not to be in a relationship/ get married unless we have universal suffrage)
The other one made a strong reply passionately, 'I have never considered my involvement in politics a sacrifice. To have the support of the citizens that I serve is the biggest honor in my life. I have pledged that I won't get married until we have universal suffrage. What's wrong with that?!'

I teared up watching that as I was moved by her passion.
In all my 22 years of life, none of the local politicians has stirred up my emotions.
It's so easy to make fabricated speeches which usually consist of just pretty words that mean nothing.
All it takes are practices. (And maybe a few social psychologists, behavioral scientists and linguists behind the scene)
But you rarely see a politician making huge promises that involve his/her immediate interest.
It's not money that she is giving up.
It's her personal life, her love life and potential marriage!

I could never do that.
I could never make such a promise.
I couldn't even say those words.

Those were the moments when my heart skipped a beat or two.
There are the moments when I know that my heart skips a beat or two because this is the city that I love, because this is the place where my heart belongs.
Yup, with all its awesomeness, ugliness and craziness, I love this place.

Love,
N