Writing A Letter

It's almost 4 in the morning but I'm still wide awake.
So much that I want to let out from my restless mind.
So much I wanna say.
So much that I'm became speechless.

To regain the balance and inner peace, I have to be honest with myself.
It takes courage to confronting one's self.
The process is not comfortable but I know it's for my own good.

Have to let out the feelings and thoughts.
Probably most women would say: talk to someone.
Yea, we women like to talk. A lot.
But at this time of the day? Nope.
I can't wake my friends up and make them listen to my bullshit.
And talking to myself at this time of the day is simply way too creepy.

To be honest, I am tired of listening to my own voice talking about the same shit over and over again.
My own voice makes me feel sick.

I ended up typing and writing it all out.
Everything: the truth, fears, and things that I don't want to admit.
It is relieving--writing soothes me.
In general, words soothe me.
Both writing them and reading them.
Words have a fascinating beauty and magic that captivates me.

When I'm done with my 'writing therapy session', I look at this letter and ask myself,
'should it be read?'
What a difficult question.

'I don't want to regret not being honest. 
This is how I feel and what I think, the truth is...'
How ironic that I finally summon up the courage to make self-confessions but not being brave enough to show it!
Sometimes I envy those who are so courageous and take risks, mostly because I hate myself for being such a coward.

Should I let things stay the way they are, or should I take a risk to tell the truth that might cost me something important?
I guess everything is about the right timing...
Dear readers, what would you do if you were me?

Life is filled with tough choices.
No one makes wise and good choices every single time.
Every one of us make so many mistakes.
No matter what the choice is and what the consequences are, face it with courage and be responsible for yourself.
This is the minimum respect that a person can give to himself/herself.

Love,
N