I think I'm a logophile, a lover of words.
Words are simply fascinatingly beautiful----the way they look and sound, the way they are structured and placed and the way they magically carry and express meanings and feelings.
And I like to play with words.
How can I talk about the art of words without talking about writing?
Writing is an art which transform intangible things into something so tangible like words on paper.
But such a transformation is bizarre when you think about it--when the heavy intangible things are distilled into something tangible yet light and paper-thin.
I have a soft spot for anything hand-written.
I love how emotion-charged and intimate they are.
But sometimes, I find hand-written letters so intimate that they are almost provocative.
Sometimes, letters are so intimate that I'm scared of them--both sending and receiving.
A hand-written letter is so...how should I put it?
Tangible,
touchable and
traceable.
Hand-written notes and letters are the traces of people's existence in our lives, or ours in theirs.
They are so permanent and unchangeable.
What was written is gonna be there no matter how many times you read it.
But unlike the permanent ink stain on paper, feelings and people change.
Scary, isn't it?
And who knows what people do with our hand-written letters that we poured our hearts into?
Maybe the receiver might dig the letters out some years later and find them ridiculous & hilarious and throw them away as if they never mattered?
Or some have their letters boxed up and hidden, wanna throw them away but never have the guts to?
Who knows what people we loved would become, those people we held dear and who held us dear?
While guys dream about gadgets that could do everything, I dream of things that are less ambitious.
For example, a certain type of paper.
Is there a kind of paper that will naturally disappear or vaporize if not touched in a long time?
1) If people don't want me to leave traces of my existence in their lives or vice versa, that would be the type of people I would use to write letters.
2) This type of paper would tell me who treasures my hand-written notes and who doesn't.
3) I would allow my strong emotions to flow, pour them all out in writings without the fear for embarrassment afterwards. It is the type of paper that I will use words so absolute like 'forever', 'always' and 'never'.
I just had a dream in which I was pouring my heart out word after word, sentence after sentence.
I was writing the most romantic (or disgusting for some) letter, though I don't know who I was writing to.
'Your voice stays in my mind. Every word you said is my treasure. I find relief in every thought of you. Every pore on my skin longs for your touch. There is not a single day that goes by without me thinking of you... '
It went on and on.
And the worst line finally came----'I love you, forever and always.'
" 'Forever and always'?"
"I don't use such words."
Even in my dreams, I am fear of not being able to deliver my promise and the fear for embarrassment which follows when someone reads my handwritten messages.
At the same time, I am aware of the fact that there is no guarantee in life.
I am so clear about that, even in my dreams.
Are these reason why people stop writing to each other now? I mean with pen, paper and ink, not internet, computer and keyboard.
Being so clear-minded means I woke up from the dream before I sign the letter.
I woke up, feeling the urge to write letters to people I love and hold dear---family, close friends and my love.
Along with that desire to write was the same thought: could there be a special kind of paper that will disappear or vaporize if no one reads them for a long time?
Would someone please invent them? Please?
This time, a soft voice in my head gave me the answer.
Another example of how my brain always amaze me in the most unexpected ways and time.
The soft voice said,
'The answer is skin.
Write your love on skin, with your fragrance and the warmth of your touch.
No permanence. No trace.
But what you write and your love would leave a mark in the heart----forever and always.'
Ok, an answer that almost rhymes.
Nice job, brain.
'Dear self, you are pathetically romantic but nonetheless, it's a fantastically creative answer.
Problem solved.'
I smiled. And started my day with a decision of giving myself a challenge.
Challenge of the year:
Write more handwritten letters (or cards and little notes).
Dear readers, when was the last time you wrote a letter/card/note to someone?
And remember how precious it feels to receive something handwritten?
Sometimes doing things the old-fashioned way is the best way, isn't it?
:)
Love,
N
P.S. Just pick my outfit for the first day of work. White shirt, blue pencil skirt and a color block cardigan with red strips and a patch of blue around my waist to 'fool the eyes' for a better figure.
Navy, red and white.
Um....the inspiration is France (it could be the American flag too!)
But wait, shouldn't I be inspired by Canada? Oops!
Not today, I like my outfit :)
