Dinner Party

Blogging with iPhone gives my hands cramps! And I made a hundred typing errors.
So I have to go back to my laptop, feels like home. : )


At a point of the party, I felt like coming up here to delete my previous post because it sounded like I was targeting someone in the party, an intention which I never had.
But then, on a second thought, none of the people from school knows about this blog and I posted it before I saw her/them, so no point of worrying.
I shouldn't say none of them knows about my blog because there is one, a special one.


Last night was great; one of the best times I had in university.
Had a great time, even though I didnt really mingle and talk to everybody.
If it was those 'family-and-friends' big parties, I'd have to force myself to smile and talk to everybody OR be different and expect people to shoot me looks.
But last night was different, I could do whatever I like.
I'm genuinely happy to only spend time with who I want/need to be with.

Let me tell you only the important things I wanna say:
1) I had a great time because of the great people I was with.
2) Now the souvenir I have with me became precious and carries an emotional meaning or memories.
3) Party was memorable but what happened after it also stays on my mind. Time to reflect on myself but not overthink. (sounds contradictory but not at all)
4) Big thank you kiss to my bf for coming over for dessert, not for the dessert but to see me!
I'm no model nor am I that sexy, but I love it when he looks stunned and jawdropped the moment he sees me dressed up.
That look on his face is just precious that I literally felt like I missed a heart beat!
Can't hide from him, so I told him I took some silly pics with my classmate.
There's absolutely nothing between me and that classmate, so I see no point of hiding it from him.
Sorry, dear. I know you got angry/jealous and you have all the reasons to.
I know I shouldn't have taken those pseudo-couple/wed pics in the first place.
I don't have excuse for what I've done, so I chose to be honest with you.
I'm so sorry :'(
Forgive me? Please? :P

The last but very important thing:
I swear I never intended to cause anything confusion or anything bad, even though I know I sort of already did...
The last things I want to bring to people I love are: doubts, guilt and confusion.
He/she might lose trust and faith in me, but the worst thing is to doubt himself/herself.
I cannot do this to people I care, I really cannot. Simply because I have gone through that so many times in my life and I know that feeling kills.
Even though I say I don't care about many things, but I do care about my impact on others.
I shouldn't be so selfish to have put anyone in such a situation, especially someone who means a great deal to me. I'm such a troublemaker and I'm not proud of this.

Much love,
N