A Working Girl or a Superwoman?

'Brunch and shopping? I'm free...oh! I'm not...'
Okay I'd like to think that I am still free for brunch and shopping, but if you read the previous post, it's clear that things have changed.

So, here is a day in the life of...me, March 2013.

I wake up early.
I hear my alarm 30 minutes after it went off at 7, hop out of bed and get ready.
After freshening up, the first thing I is to update my Tumblr  getting some fresh air outdoors and hear birds sing.
Then I have my breakfast quietly, because I still feel sleepy after 8 hours of sleep enjoying the morning calm after a quick shower.
I wanna crawl back on my bed. I'm ready for a brand new, exciting day.

It's 7:45a.m. I get back to my room, open my closet, thinking that I should have picked my outfit the night before knowing exactly what I want to wear.
I spend a minimum of  less than 15 mins thinking of an outfit  dressing up.
As much as I want to wear a maxi dress,  I put on a simple and chic outfit for work, comprise of the first pieces of clothing I see when I open my closet.
I put my hair up in a loose bun or a pony tail, as I have over 50% of chance that I have a bad hair day.
And of course, makeup to cover my dark circles, even though it doesn't seem to work very well.

It's 8a.m. and I leave my place, hop on to the minibus and then the insanely crowded  MTR which drives me crazy.
I get there at 8:30a.m., half an hour earlier than my office hours.
I like my office, it's right above the MTR, so convenient.
Once I'm back in my office, I start making tea  working right away.

It’s 9:00 and a colleague brings me all the newspapers I need.
An email alert pops up to remind me that I have a meeting in 45 mins..
Oh my! I totally forgot about that!  Great! I am totally ready.
In less than 20 mins, I use the speed of light to read through everything do a re-cap with the documents I already prepared.

Then I start getting myself ready and go to the conference room with a blank mind.
I always dash to the conference room when I see my boss coming out from his room  get there early.

After the meeting, I have to re-schedule my priorities of tasks which means I can never finish the newspapers that are piling up on my desk.
I am super productive so I can always finish my morning tasks before lunch, 1 p.m.

Usually at around 12:45, I start counting down for lunch.
Time for lunch!
As soon as I leave the elevator, I see many others rushing for lunch-- damn! Could I still get a seat in the restaurant?! And I have to wait for my food for god knows how long! What a vibrant and lively city!
Since I'm a boring person To simplify my life, I usually go to the same place.
I have quite a healthy diet now.
I still have half of my lunch break left, so I rest and relax in my office and really enjoy some private time.

After lunch, half the stack of newspapers is still on my desk, unfortunately.
While I read the newspapers, my fingers are stained with ink, I wash my hands frequently, so frequent that I'm afraid I'll have obsessive-compulsive disorder.
After the clippings and analysis, I clear them out as I like to keep my office as organized as possible because I am trying very hard to not to be as messy as I naturally am.

Around 4pm, I start stressing myself out because I just realize that I still have some un-finished tasks finish everything and have a break.
If I run out of things to do which rarely happens, I start writing up or even clearing the next day's to-do list, I wish.

At 5: 30, everyone is still working and I start thinking if I stay for another 5 mins  packing up and leave.
I don't know why they always stay behind till late---I am always leaving pretty on time.
I have a life, and even if I love what I do, I need to keep everything in balance.
That said, I turn off the lights of my office, say goodbye to everyone and leave my office with exhaustion a smile.

Dear readers,
Not all the crossed-out parts is what the 'real me' do or think, and of course I can't have my energy up for all day long either.
I'm sure my daily work routine is like a zillion others', but I want to point out one thing:
Attitude changes everything. It really does matter and makes a whole lot of difference.

Having a positive mind means you are more efficient and productive, you do your work better and enjoy it more and you get along with people better--isn't it all we want from work?
So, don't forget to smile and keep your head up!
Remind yourself to discover something new each day and never stop learning!
I do enjoy working my ass off--I believe in the value of hard work and actually EARNING something with effort.

Whether you are a worker ant or a superman (or superwoman), it's yours to choose.
I hope this post gives you a bit of power and support.
Love life. :)

Love,
N

Just Breathe

Every Monday mornings of the next 3 years, I am going to be surrounded by all the newspapers in this city.
Including those from the weekend.
And those from another city.
And the international news.

The smell of ink,
fingertips stained black,
sound of rustling paper,
the ticking of the imaginary clock inside my mind,
thousands and thousands of words that flood me,
pictures of people who tragically died,
crimes that disgust me...

I hear my heart beating fast,
I feel my heartbeat in my eardrums.
My head goes blank, completely blank.
What an ironic contrast with the papers that surround me.

A sudden short of breath,
then I gasped for air.
The surge of air into my lungs awakens me--I'm still alive.

'Did I almost got a panic attack?' I asked myself.

I say to myself,
'it's just some readings. They can't harm you to the tiniest bit.
Slow down. Breathe. One piece at a time.'

Sometimes, even the smallest thing can be overwhelming and suffocating.
And all you have to do is stay calm and just breathe, and disassociate yourself from the stress, panic and anxiety and just do it.

More tasks given to me,
packing almost every night to move to grandparents' place,
parents and brother already confirmed their tickets,
family leaving in just a month...
Bit by bit these stressors, and the immense loneliness, consume me.

Dear readers,
If you happen to be in stress and any kind of overwhelming situation, remember you are not alone.
Breathe, just breathe.
You can do it.

Love,
N

The Curse of 'This Time'

'This time...'
As the words were on my tongue,
a spell was cast.

Every time he says
'this time I am sure where we are,
let me show you the way',
we end up getting lost.

The same thing actually happens to me as well;
the curse of 'this time'.

Every time I hear myself say
'this time it would be different,
I swear I won't mess it up',
I end up ruining it.

What makes me think this time is different?
What so special and exceptional?

It certainly sucks to go through the same
thoughts,
feelings,
and frustration.

You know what's worst?
Same ending.

This time,
it would be different.




Love,
N

An Answer

Sometimes I ask myself, 'why do people allow themselves to be stuck in relationships that they aren't thrilled about anymore?'

Whether it's from my observation or from what people tell me, I have yet to find an answer which I'm happy with.

Until one day, I figured....

We accept the love we think we deserve.


It doesn't mean we think of ourselves as better so we deserve better or more. 

Sometimes, it's the opposite -- sometimes we are afraid of asking for more.

'Asking for more' seems to make us a greedy person. And shouldn't us put people's happiness before ourselves? Especially when there is nothing to complain about the other person?

Perhaps we accept the love, not because the person is the right person--who sends electricity down our spines, who we think of whenever our minds wander, but simply because they do the right things that we think the right person would do.

The association we made: oh! He/she is doing the right thing, so he/she must be the right person!
Nothing but an illusion we create for ourselves.

When one day, we have doubts and ask ourselves, 'shouldn't I be crazily in love?' when we are not,
we say to ourselves 'don't be greedy, appreciate what you have'.

It's just sad. 

Telling ourselves that others have worse problems wouldn't change the fact that we are upset--even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.
Feelings are feelings.

But whether we act upon our feelings, that's a different story.
Most people don't, including myself. 
They just wait for it to go, which takes a long time if the feelings ever disappear.
Or they just kill those feelings.

In a sense, they kill part of themselves.

Love,
N

Upcoming...

A (real life or maybe not) story.
Stay tuned.

Love,
N

Travel: Seoul At a Glance

Was in Seoul, Korea, with my family for the past few days.

Enjoyed the quality time with family and get-togethers with friends in Korea.

Now, picture time.

 Dongdaemun

Small boutique in Bukchon Hanok Village

Exterior of an antique shop in Bukchon

Hanok (Traditional Korean houses)

Changdeokgung Palace--my favourite palace in Seoul

War Memorial of Korea

Real story of brothers reunited during war

Noryangjin Seafood Market

Fishhyyy

One of the many street food stalls in Myeongdong

Traditional Korean culture experience centre

Gonna write a post or two about my lists of must-eat, must-go and must-see of traveling in Seoul.
More to come later...stay tuned!

Love,
N

A Little Note from Seoul

Sending you support all the way from Korea.

Stay positive, have faith and keep going.
Things are gonna be fine.
Just remember that you are awesome and that you always have my support, no matter where I am.
:)

Love,
N

On Trust

In a world that is filled with all sorts of information, especially when you cannot find out which of the things you heard is true and which are not, sometimes I just have to rely on my intuition.

While people have been saying that intuition is not scientific and not rational, I think most people are underestimating it.
True that it is not always correct, but I also see it as an accumulation of one's knowledge and experience which allows the person to make choices without the need to even think.

I don't like hearing different sides of the story from people, because the truth is always distorted.
When it comes to human relationships, it is even worse.
Perhaps certain things happened, but the people involved could have so different perception and interpretations of the event that when they re-tell me the story of what happened, it seems like they are telling me completely different things.

I no longer like to guess people's motives because I find it too exhausting and pointless-- my guess is merely my interpretation and could be nothing close from the truth.
And most of the time, what people do is none of my business and I don't like to judge.

The thing is, I have heard things about people I trust.
Sometimes I get mad or overreact to what I heard, but it is only because I have a high opinion on the particular person.
But after a while, I would hear my inner voice.
That gentle but firm, powerful voice that comes from within would quiet my doubts, distrust and insecurities, in just two simple but powerful words, 'trust him/her.'

And yes, I listen to my inner voice/ intuition/ my heart and I'm gonna do exactly what it tells me: to trust, wholeheartedly and completely.

The one thing that stops doubt and mistrust is simply to trust.
It is not that I have never been disappointed or mistrusted anyone, it is just that I still have the faith that as long as I keep trusting, I would be able to find the trustworthy ones.

Dear readers,
Stop guessing or hiding feelings and thoughts. Talk things out. Keep trusting.
Those who deserve your trust would stay. :)

Love,
N

Me: 1, Packing: 0

Gonna be on Korean soil for the 3rd or 4th time within 2 years.

I have the eternal weakness in packing for a trip--I can't pack quickly and I can't pack light.

Taking the painful experiences of insanely heavy luggages during previous trips, I swear to myself I can't overpack anymore.

But this time, it seems to me that I won the battle. Woohoo!

Proud of myself for being able to:

1) pack everything in 30mins to an hour (let's hope I didn't forget anything)

2) did not try on a single piece of garment 

3) did not build a castle of clothes or bury myself in the sea of clothes

4) did not sit hopelessly pathetic among piles of clothes, trying not to burst into tears

5) probably did not overpack (at least not too much)

Clap clap!! *Applause for myself*

I am the one who planned the whole thing. So there are still a few challenges ahead.

So, Round 1: Me VS Packing, I won.

Round 2: Me VS Directions.

One of the biggest obstacles being my lack of orientation.

Other than the fact that I'm 'mathematically-disabled', I am also 'direction-blind'.

Well, sorry, I'm just a very typical woman.

Interestingly, my mum has amazing orientation. 

She could 'sense' the directions and tell you which way is north/east/south/west, without using a compass.

I asked her how she did it, she said, 'it's easy, how can you not know the directions?'

Super mom, I just don't have your super power!

And I never liked following strict plans of 'where to go' and 'what's our next stop'.

I prefer spontaneity, going on adventures and discovering the unexpected.

To appreciate life, to some extent, means appreciating the little surprises along our way, isn't it?

Confession: I know myself well enough that I know I would get lost. So in our rather flexible plans for each day, there is extra time reserved for 'getting lost'.

Wish me luck! :)

Can't wait to see my girl friend too!

P.S. Was talking with my mum about the places we are going and trip-related stuffs, suddenly distracted by a very familiar voice (from the TV), it was Robert Downey Jr as Sherlock Holmes.

I stopped the conversation, stared at the TV and basically swooned over his charm.

After the commercial, I completely forgot what I was saying. And I was blushing already. 

(It was just a 15 second thing)

Mum rolled her eyes and made fun of me.

Obsession, obsession...

Love,

N