Day 4: Christmas

Merry Christmas! Love is in the air. ♥

No matter what religion you believe in or whether you believe in any,
I hope you are enjoying the holidays and surround yourself with love and your loved ones.

Probably everyone is blogging about the Christmas parties, feasts and dazzling decorations.

Initially I was gonna blog about something simple and not festive.
But yea, Christmas is only once a year, no harm to conform a bit.

Photo: A bag of Handmade Christmas cookies (with scone-like texture)

I actually made these a few days ago, with my bestfriend.
Made five small bags of cookies. All of them went to close family members and boyfriend.
(Partly because no matter how the 'cookies' have the wrong texture, they will still love it, or at least say they love it.)

Now my bestfriend's in Seoul having a wonderful time with her sweet Korean boyfriend.
Such a sweet adorable couple. So sweet that they can be in fairy tales.

Girl, I hope you're having fun in South Korea.
Our gang isn't complete without you. (Yea, that's how we call our closest bunch of girls, our gang)
Girls are coming back for Christmas and you aren't here with us.
But I'm so happy for you, 'cause I know you are in good hands and happy as a queen!
Merry Christmas. I love you.

Since it's Christmas, it's time to be generous.

One more photo for you: Handmade Japanese rock candy.
The sight of colorful, delicate rock candies in glass jar is so festive.
Just gonna show you one rock candy, so you can look at it carefully and see how beautiful this sweet little thing is.

Christmas gifts are only meaningful if you only give presents to only a few important people.
That's why I wanna give them something handmade and thoughtful.
Yes, I'm being thoughtful even when I say 'Indulge! Diet and weight loss plans can wait!'.
Well, obviously I'm not a caramel artist. So these candies are not made by me, I left that to the professionals.
Traditionally these handmade little delicacies represent blessings, because sugar used to be rare in Japan.
By the way, I'm not a Japanese.

I hope you are having a sweet, happy and filled-with-love Christmas. Joyeux Noël! 

Love,

N

P.S. Yesterday, I screwed up. I did a very selfish, impolite and disrespectful thing.

I walked out on a date. I walked out on my boyfriend on Christmas Eve!
One more thing to add on the list of 'Shameful Things I've Ever Done in My Life'.
That just disqualified me from the Perfect Girlfriend Award.

My boyfriend does not deserve that. No one ever deserves to be walked out on.
So, yea, my mood for Christmas is half-gone.I guess bad girl doesn't deserve Christmas.
I ruined my Christmas, almost.
Fortunately, my Christmas is still filled with love and peace.
And a whole lot of self-reflection.

I am grateful that my boyfriend accepts the bad, nasty side of me.
Maybe I appear to be a good girl, but when I'm bad, I'm insanely bad.
I just don't know how my boyfriend managed to have faith on me, when sometimes I hate myself so much.
I know very clearly that:

I can't take him for granted; forgiveness, patience and love are not unlimited.

I can't repeat the 'make him mad, beg for forgiveness and promise to be good and make him disappointed again' cycle forever.

R, I'm sorry for making you sad or angry or disappointed or confused, or all of them actually.

Thank you for loving me. 

Thank you for your commitment and devotion in this relationship.
Thank you for putting up with me when I'm like a crazy monster.
Sometimes I think you are either an alien or an angel;
'cause you are just TOO good and loving and perfect to be true.
Maybe you are not a normal human being.
This is not our best Christmas (probably our worst), but I promise I will make it up.
I love you.