Day 10: Live Colorfully

Photo of the day: 

Taken at one of my favourite brands: Kate Spade New York.

I love that the brand is simple but fun, bold and chic at the same time.
I love typography, words or quotes in designs, so I can't escape from Kate Spade.
It's also reasonably priced and affordable compared to other brands.

Don't really like their handbags or clothing, but love their wallets, clutches, little leather goods and accessories like bangles or cocktail rings.

I'm using my Kate Spade wallet for a few years now, a birthday gift from my mother.
Still love it so much that I don't wanna use any other wallets.

Also partly because I think soft, worn leather is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

Last day of the year, sort of an obligatory time for everyone to ponder on the question 

'What have I done this year?'

A lot, both good and bad, has happened. But I only remember the good ones vividly.

My wonderful family, fantastic boyfriend, amazing friends, inspiring and nice people I met.

Counting my blessings is always a humbling thing to do; to realize that I got more than I deserve.

One thing that I'm very happy about: being able to be happy again.

Used to think that happiness is a very basic thing, that everybody could enjoy it as long as they embrace it.
I still think it that way, that all of us are entitled to be happy.
But now I see happiness more precious than I used to.
All because I have once lost it, for many reasons.
All because I have once let failure, negativity, frustration and confusion consumed me to a point that I couldn't find a reason why I should be happy about being me.

Being happy again is a process.
Step out of the shade bit by bit, changing the way I think one idea at a time, kicking away the negativity one thing at a time.
In the year 2011, I'm very happy. And I'm truly grateful for that.
I'm more positive than ever.

In my third year of university life, I have found myself again.
More comfortable with what I study, more comfortable with myself.
I was once so lost in the world of politics, wondering:

why people do more harm to each other than help?

why are we always flawed & behave in a certain way and could we change it?

why do wars still happen in the 21st century and will it ever stop?
why do we study political science instead of the art of peace and love?

Up until this moment, I have no answer to those questions.
(If any of you have an idea, enlighten me please)

But I'm no longer frustrated or saddened by the reality that we live in a flawed, sometimes very cruel and bad, world.

We might not able to change everything. But we can do it one step at a time.

Like how I find my way back to happiness. Stay hopeful and love life.

I'm not perfect or close to perfect.
But at least now I'm not obsessed with it.
(Confession: Well, I still wanna get As...because if I don't, I feel like I didn't do enough to feed my curiosity. And I'm always curious.)
I still wanna improve and be better, not aiming at perfection, just wanna be a better person in various ways.

I want to be an inspiring person who spreads love and positivity.
I want to serve not just children or the psychologically broken, but also other needy in the world. (which is why I'm preparing for master's application in Canada)

This year, I lived my life with love. Surrounded by love and tried to spread love as much as possible too.

'Love as hard as I can' became the line that represents the year, or my current outlook of life.
I hope my love-life attitude and positivity are staying with me for 2012 or my entire life.

Going to a jazz bar tonight with my boyfriend.
This is the first time I'm not at home or in my boyfriend's or friend's place for countdown.
I love staying home for countdowns, cozy and warm (physically or metaphorically), feeling that love is in the air.
I don't like the crowd and the confusing traffic arrangements.
I don't like being with a million strangers around me, or be specific, only within 5cm around me.
But since I'm having my love-life attitude, I'm gonna try something different this year.

Dear, I wish you a happy new year. Live colorfully, enjoy life and love hard.
Love & a big hug,
N

Day 9: Dance

Having been going out a lot these days.
The rest of the holiday, I'm going to be an introvert.
I cannot be at one end of the spectrum for too long.
But I cannot stay in-between for too long either; it bores me.

Running bores me too. It is probably the sport that I hate most.
I wish I can be more sportive, like my boyfriend. But then if I'm sportive, it's not me.

My favourite sport: Dance
I have tried a few dances; international ballroom, latin dance, belly dance, Argentine tango, salsa.
I enjoy watching some of the street dances too, like popping, but street dance is never my type of dance.
Probably because street dances are more angry, strong type of dance and I don't like being angry & strong at the same time.
I like those types I list because they are delicate combination of strength, gentleness, class, beauty and sex appeal.
One might look very soft and gentle while dancing, but really, one has to use many, if not all, muscles to maintain a great form and posture, just to look soft.

I'm most happy and in control of my body when I dance.
I learned to use muscles that I didn't know I have.
I learned to walk and stand properly.
I learned to pay attention to even my fingertips and toes.
I learned to do make a better spin by turning my head and whipping my hair.

I learned to respect and follow the lead of man.
I learned to trust. (when ladies dance, most of the time we're doing it backwards and in heels AND arching our backs when we're doing ballroom)
I learned to speak with my body, listen to the silent messages of my partner and react.

Dancing is pure joy to me. I even enjoy the muscle pain.
Well, the blisters and pain from wearing high-heels for hours are excruciating, I have to say.

I have learnt so much from dancing,
way more than just dancing and the techniques.

Love,
N

Day 8: Girlfriends

A day of get-together, with girls coming back for the holidays.
Took many pictures today, with the girls. But I'm really making an effort to preventing turning this blog into a personal online diary.

Photo of the day
The photo looks like it's taken somewhere in the mainland China!
The mall kind of resembles the malls in China.
Many small shops selling so many things, cheap but not of good quality.
Then two of my friends said they're bored with their hair, but wigs are too expensive in Canada.
So we ended up buying wigs, not the entire wig, just the fringes and the extensions.

I have never been to any wig shop.
It's very creepy, especially if the shop sells wigs made of real human hair. And those mannequins.
I have too much hair and I already have enough trouble dealing with my own hair.
Don't need extra trouble.
But we had fun in the shop, laughing our heads off as we try out the wigs.

Me in the mirror.

If it isn't my girls, I would never go into a wig shop.

If it isn't my girls, I would never have so much fun in such unexpected places.

The best thing of the day: meeting girlfriends for dinner
12 of them. Some are close friends, some I haven't met for a few years.
We didn't have that awkward i-haven't-met-you-for-too-long-we-are-strangers-now feelings. No, we don't.
All of us were happy to see each other.We all had a blast.
We were very loud and noisy; all the laughter, screaming and non-stop talking.
And random hugs and kisses.

There is a Chinese proverb which goes like this: 3 women make a market.
Imagine 13 girls coming together.
No, not just 4 markets, you're underestimating us.
We are 13 happy, excited and talkative girls.
With alcohol.
In the private room of the restaurant.
Now, imagine THAT.


I bet if any boy sees us, especially the drunk girls and the swearing ones, we'll scare them away.
Well, actually just by the deafening decibels, we scare people away.
That's why our boyfriends are not always invited: to save their ears, protect our images and prevent a fight.

I went to a girls' school for 13 years. Best school ever, at least in this city & in my heart.
That 13 years was one of the best and happiest times of my life. It really made me who I am.
And I absolutely love it: both the school and the experience of being in it for 13 whole years.
People say students going to single-sex schools have problems getting along with the opposite sex.
They are so wrong.
No offense, but none of us become a nun.
We are perfectly healthy and sociable girls, with healthy relationships.
Well, sometimes it's not healthy because some of us get along too well with the boys.

Anyway, the point is: I'm really grateful to have so many wonderful girlfriends.
Not just the girls in tonight's get-together (I am not that close with some of them)
But all the amazing girls I know from the 13 years in the girls' school.
Best girls in the world. Some of us are more like sisters.

Sisterhood is different from brotherhood.
Not judging on the degree and extent of love, but the way of expressing love.
We hug, we kiss, we hold hands, we pour our hearts out with long chats, we laugh like there's no tomorrow, we shout 'I love you!' randomly.
Boys don't do that. They just give each other a pat on the shoulder. That's it. They express love quietly.
Thank God I'm not a boy!

P.S. K, I wish you are here with us. You totally missed out the fun we had.

Love,
N

Day 7: Photography

Not into professional photography.
I'm happy with just a decent digital camera but currently thinking of investing into a better camera.
Using a normal Canon for this challenge while my Fuji instant camera is my partner for the other project.

I do believe that a photo captures more than just an image and tells a lot.

Was finding some books today, with areas of interests like: Honors-project-related, fashion, home decor/ interior design, leisure reads, psychology, behavioral economics and politics.
Found a big picture book called Sexybook, by Esther Haase.

I would describe it as a photo diary of life in Moulin Rouge.
A lot of glamour, dancers, dazzling and sparkling costumes and nudity.
I enjoyed looking at the photos. Beauty comes in all shapes and ages.
Not being dirty-minded, but um...I sort of like erotic/nude photography.
Just that it's real and sensual, really not being dirty-minded or looking for porn.

Photo of the day: I took a few photos from the book.
Feel like I'm cheating...like illegally downloading....um...not very good
But let's focus on the photos (all credits go to Esther Haase, if you want more of her photos, buy the book)
Won't show the ones with nudity. And I wanna be fair to the photographer, so I shouldn't show you too many pictures.

News: I'm opening a Tumblr account.
My Tumblr website: subtlyextreme.tumblr.com
It's particularly for sharing of images that I love or find interesting or inspiring. (I don't own them)
And I have a big thing for typography. So, there will be LOTS of typography in my tumblr.
Typography is such a beautiful and artistic blend of words and images. It captivates me.

Not gonna quit blogging, just need an 'online inspiration board' sort of thing for my collection of beautiful images and also sexy images occasionally.
Come here often & go to tumblr when you just want images.
Please go check it out or follow it if you want.
But once again, this blog is still the main thing.

Love,
N

P.S. Read the post on Day 6. I put the post date back to 26th Dec.
(Not cheating if I'm making honest confession to you)

Delaying Posts

Not that I wanna procrastinate, but I have to delay my posts.
Reason: I'm a bit down & stressed lately.
Relationship issues & Master's programme application are killing me.

Last night I was finding one or two more programme to apply, just in case I can't get into the one I absolutely want.
I can't find programmes that I'm truly passionate about.
Just by reading the list, I got stomachache.
I never ever get stomachache from stress, only from over-eating or eating too little.

If God/any supreme being, if there's any, asks me what I really want now, I'd say:
I wanna get into that Master's Programme in the U of Waterloo more than any other thing else.
I wanna equip myself so that I will be able to contribute to the world and make a difference.
I wanna work my ass off (or I should say 'work very hard') to make lives better.
I wanna do great things, not for the money, but out of love.

I don't know how to translate this passion into the documents I prepare for my application.

I don't wanna fail once more and feel like I can never make my dream come true.
I already have 1 dream that is now nearly-impossible, I don't wanna another one. :' (

Don't wanna do anything except throwing away stuffs.
Yesterday, only from the study room, I threw away 5 whole bags of stuff, mostly paper work.
Felt horrible for having killed so many trees, but also felt awesome to have 'simplified' my life a little bit.

Will do the posts Day 6 & Day 7 together tonight.
Gotta go find something to cheer myself up before I go crazy.

This post is so negative.
I'm SO gonna delete this post when I got better.
Don't wanna turn this blog into an online diary.

Love,
N

Day 6: Bohemian

'Not in the mood.'
This is the wildcard of girls.Well, at least, me. I think I heard someone saying 'stereotype!'
When we (oops!) I, don't wanna do something, from work to sex (not a part of my current life, just for example), I don't really need a legitimate reason that makes sense, let alone being reasonable.
Well, emotions is a big thing for girls. It's what our brains are built around, how our brains are wired.

Not in my perfect 'blogging/ photo-taking' mood, but still need to push myself a bit so that I don't fall into the spiral of depressive mood and inactivity.
And I have to keep my words.

So, here it goes:

A picture I drew, not my best or better works.
Don't expect too much, I have never taken any painting classes.
I did this one night when I can't sleep.
Thoughts battling in my mind but the late night itself was quiet and serene, perfect for painting.

One of the many thoughts was the bohemian lifestyle.
I have a fantasy of living like a bohemian.
I'm sort of a bohemian at heart, not always but the desire comes back every now and then.
By bohemian, I refer to the French kind of bohemians, not the American hippies.

My ideal bohemian lifestyle is like:
1) French-inspired, singing Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler all day long, doing what I want instead of following routines, picnics in the park, lying on the grass/ the beach, a bit of drinking and eating good food in small portions so that I won't become really overweight
(one of my weird theories: being moderately curvy is a way to happiness)

2) Absolutely no drugs or casual sex.Other things: in moderation.
Sex is not a part of my life now.
Another of my little theories for a good life:
(might vary on the first one, but absolutely gonna stick with the latter one)
Don't have sex before you are married, unless you wanna/sure that you are serious or gonna marry him/her. (no one can be sure, so forget it)
Don't have too few sex after you are married.
(Absolutely yes on this one! There you go, a possible solution to save marriage and prevent a divorce. Thank me later.*wink*)

3) Not necessary impoverished.
Come back from the sex part or my little theories, I'm talking about bohemian lifestyle!
Yup, my ideal bohemian way of living is simple. But not impoverished.
It's about voluntary frugality, not poverty.
I still wanna live in the city or the countryside, not wilderness or...in an old car.

The sarcastic part of me just said: Pretentious fake bohemian. Haha.
Hey! My 'love hard & love all' attitude is a proof of the bohemian in me!
So maybe what I want is 'urban-bourgeoisie-bohemianism'?
I just invented a new term! A lengthy one. Let's just call it UBB.

Back to the drawing. It's also about the romance of bohemian fashion: floral headband, wavy messy hair.
I absolutely adore bohemian style in fashion.

Why I like Bohemian Style in Fashion: (Maybe I have an obsession for making lists but...I'm just being a woman!)
1) The loose fitting which allows me to move around, dance, twirl or even climb
2) Self-expressive: dressing for comfort but hopefully still pretty (an extra clause for my definition of UBB).
3) Floral prints and lace (moderation is the key), maxi dresses, the simplicity, sheer & light fabric, pretty ethnic prints, lots of jewelries, turquoise accessories, brown leather items, etc etc. I just can't say no.
I can only say no to ponchos and fringes. Ponchos and capes never make me look good.
I never wear a fringe bag.
And I only wear clothes with fringes in two occasions: latin dance or Halloween.
4) Long, wavy, messy hair. My signature. Don't really brush my hair & I can never get it straight, just naturally curl and untamed. That's the word: untamed.

My painting faintly reminds me of Mischa Barton. Maybe I'm influenced by the images of her that I saw, without remembering. Anyway, it's an interesting coincidence: the green eyes and floral headband

Love,
N

Day 5: Simple Pleasures

Theme of the day: Simple Pleasures

The past few days were a bit rough, but I'm not gonna let it bring me down or ruin my holidays.
I know I'm flawed, but not gonna let it break me, not anymore.
Just need to keep on improving and be a better person. For myself. : )
C'est la vie. And still I love my life.

So, here I am: Back to the basics.
When I'm stressed or down, I go back to the basics.
My Back-to-the-Basics routine
1) Eat my favourite food, in moderation
2) Dance every feeling and emotion out
3) Throw out things, keep my surroundings as simple & minimal as possible
4) Find some way to let go of my animalistic desire for aggression and insanity

I can't make a full list of comfort foods, simply because I enjoy eating so much. (Maybe too much)

Today I'm gonna share with you one of my favourite 'simple but comforting' food.
Ready? Je vous presente....

The egg sandwich from Australia Dairy Co.! (um...in Jordan, Kowloon)

See the rich, creamy, soft scrambled egg?

Slightly toasted bread, very thinly-buttered, incredibly smooth, creamy and moist scrambled egg. 

Simple as that. Just ordinary egg sandwich.
But they do a mean egg sandwich!
They do every little detail just right and so perfectly. 

I heard the woman in front of me ordered Cheese Egg Sandwich!
Gonna try that next time. I bet it's even better than the regular egg sandwich. 

I'm not sure but somehow I believe they use buttermilk in the scrambled egg, not cream or regular milk.
Taste? Heavenly! I almost used the word 'orgasmic' haha : P
Oh yes, I should write a post on how I use words with sexual connotation in the most extraordinary and unimaginable situations.
Example: I think Transformers are hot.
Yes, the robots. Yes, sexy that type of hot. Right, that should be one of my posts in the future

Back to the egg sandwich. It's so simple but unbelievably delicious that it brightens up my day in an instant.

My boyfriend laughs at me when he sees me eating that; my 'um....this is sooooo good! I'm in heaven!' face.

The simple, old-fashioned paper bag.

Just looking at this paper bag makes me smile.

That restaurant always has a queue outside and you can't really eat slowly when you got in.
So I usually order takeaways. Don't like to eat when I'm on the street though.
Anyway, you've got to try this! And I heard the milk tea is good too.
Any dairy product or egg-related dish from that restaurant is good.
(Now this is a bit touristy...disclaimer: not commissioned or doing a commercial here : P)

So, if you are living in this city, go try the sandwich, tell me how you like or dislike it.
If you don't like it (and if I know you in person), I promise I'll treat you your favourite food!

Okay, eating comfort food, check.
I feel so much better already.


Love,
N

Day 4: Christmas

Merry Christmas! Love is in the air. ♥

No matter what religion you believe in or whether you believe in any,
I hope you are enjoying the holidays and surround yourself with love and your loved ones.

Probably everyone is blogging about the Christmas parties, feasts and dazzling decorations.

Initially I was gonna blog about something simple and not festive.
But yea, Christmas is only once a year, no harm to conform a bit.

Photo: A bag of Handmade Christmas cookies (with scone-like texture)

I actually made these a few days ago, with my bestfriend.
Made five small bags of cookies. All of them went to close family members and boyfriend.
(Partly because no matter how the 'cookies' have the wrong texture, they will still love it, or at least say they love it.)

Now my bestfriend's in Seoul having a wonderful time with her sweet Korean boyfriend.
Such a sweet adorable couple. So sweet that they can be in fairy tales.

Girl, I hope you're having fun in South Korea.
Our gang isn't complete without you. (Yea, that's how we call our closest bunch of girls, our gang)
Girls are coming back for Christmas and you aren't here with us.
But I'm so happy for you, 'cause I know you are in good hands and happy as a queen!
Merry Christmas. I love you.

Since it's Christmas, it's time to be generous.

One more photo for you: Handmade Japanese rock candy.
The sight of colorful, delicate rock candies in glass jar is so festive.
Just gonna show you one rock candy, so you can look at it carefully and see how beautiful this sweet little thing is.

Christmas gifts are only meaningful if you only give presents to only a few important people.
That's why I wanna give them something handmade and thoughtful.
Yes, I'm being thoughtful even when I say 'Indulge! Diet and weight loss plans can wait!'.
Well, obviously I'm not a caramel artist. So these candies are not made by me, I left that to the professionals.
Traditionally these handmade little delicacies represent blessings, because sugar used to be rare in Japan.
By the way, I'm not a Japanese.

I hope you are having a sweet, happy and filled-with-love Christmas. Joyeux Noël! 

Love,

N

P.S. Yesterday, I screwed up. I did a very selfish, impolite and disrespectful thing.

I walked out on a date. I walked out on my boyfriend on Christmas Eve!
One more thing to add on the list of 'Shameful Things I've Ever Done in My Life'.
That just disqualified me from the Perfect Girlfriend Award.

My boyfriend does not deserve that. No one ever deserves to be walked out on.
So, yea, my mood for Christmas is half-gone.I guess bad girl doesn't deserve Christmas.
I ruined my Christmas, almost.
Fortunately, my Christmas is still filled with love and peace.
And a whole lot of self-reflection.

I am grateful that my boyfriend accepts the bad, nasty side of me.
Maybe I appear to be a good girl, but when I'm bad, I'm insanely bad.
I just don't know how my boyfriend managed to have faith on me, when sometimes I hate myself so much.
I know very clearly that:

I can't take him for granted; forgiveness, patience and love are not unlimited.

I can't repeat the 'make him mad, beg for forgiveness and promise to be good and make him disappointed again' cycle forever.

R, I'm sorry for making you sad or angry or disappointed or confused, or all of them actually.

Thank you for loving me. 

Thank you for your commitment and devotion in this relationship.
Thank you for putting up with me when I'm like a crazy monster.
Sometimes I think you are either an alien or an angel;
'cause you are just TOO good and loving and perfect to be true.
Maybe you are not a normal human being.
This is not our best Christmas (probably our worst), but I promise I will make it up.
I love you.

Day 3: Family

Theme of the day: Family
The writing part of my French exam was about my family.
So, I'm gonna introduce my family to you, both the good and not-so-good sides.
Photo: A person who is so close and important to me that I see her as a family member. I'll tell you her story in the last part.

Last night, I had a big family gathering at a nice hotel. Same old place for big family reunions.
Every single big family dinner is more or less the same.
Dressed up, good mood in the beginning, but never managed to stay genuinely happy all through the night.
Um...don't really like meeting some of the family members.
Some of them live in a very small world of their own, bragging about their wealth and luxuries they own.
And it's not even about the quality of the living, but the number on the price tags.
I wish they can see themselves from another perspective; it's actually funny to see them being so pathetically self-absorbed, living in a bubble, proudly spending the money that their parents worked very hard for.

I asked if they are happy, how they have been doing lately.
One said, 'Yes, I just got the hottest to-die-for bag!'
Another said, 'Oh yes, partying the entire week, seeing different girls.'
I said, 'Alright, so...are you happy?'
They looked at me as if I'm talking gibberish or an alien language.
Seeing their confused, speechless faces, I almost heard their minds saying 'duh, I got the bag/girls. Of course I'm happy.'
I gave up, faked a smile (they couldn't spot the difference) and ended the conversations politely.
Yea, now you know some of my relatives and what kind of people they are.
Welcome to my family.

Maybe to them I am really the alien but I don't care.
I think I'm doing the right thing by being me & being a real person.

I won't even try to ask them 'What do you wanna do in your life?What are your dreams?'
Would be a waste of my camera films, because all I got would be:
Before I die, I want a new bag/house/car/whatever that is.

Maybe I'm being mean and sarcastic, but I really don't wanna fake another smile for them.
No, I don't hate them.  I just don't agree with their lifestyles and attitudes.
There is nothing wrong with materialistic desires.
But when it becomes larger than life and makes you no longer treat people as people, that's a problem.
A huge problem.
As a matter of fact, I do love them; because we are family, I hope they can live happy and meaningful lives.
Probably they don't and will never understand me.
I do admit that I get temporary highs when I have new material possessions.
But I don't want to build my life around those.
I want my life to be all about love and positives changes that I can make.
I wanna be a better person.
I wanna work very hard to make a difference in the world.

How I wish we can have more cozy intimate family dinners instead. Talking about more important things in life.
I really envy my boyfriend's family. Whenever there is big gathering, it's all about laughter, joy and love.
But mines seldom do...
Except my parents and brother, there are only 2 types of family members I'm truly happy to be with:
My grandparents and young children.

I'm glad my grandparents understand and appreciate me.
They are the ones who worked hard to earn the money and build the family business.
They are wealthy, but they live in a simple and graceful manner.
They did not have much education, but they live and learn. And they have manners.
My true role models; very wise, working hard, giving their best, live and learn, graceful, simple, humble.
Every time I see my grandparents being so happy and healthy (looking like 60), only joy and grateful can describe that feeling.

As for children, including babies, I always think that we have so much to learn from them.
For example, their simplicity, and how they always see the beauty and good things in the world.
Being simple is different from being naive and ignorant.
Being simple is when you are clear-minded and focus only on the important things in life.
Children appreciate and explore the world more than any others.

So, who is the person in today's photo? My domestic helper, let's call her F.
F used to have a fiance. But he ended up marrying her best friend.
She was changed forever; determined not to get married or ever rely on men.
She became such a strong woman. She's been with us for 14 years now.
We see her as a part of our family.
She's 51, even older than my parents, and my brother and I are like her children.

There are a few things that she taught me, I'm gonna quote her exact words:
'Be strong; if there is a problem, solve it yourself. Be strong.'
'You pretty girl, always make happy happy.' (The way she cheers me up, how adorable)
'If a boy makes you sad or cry, I will hunt him down and kill him with my own hands.'
(Trust me, she is strong enough, both physically and mentally, that you'd never wanna make her that mad).
I'm grateful for her devotion and love for our family. Always grateful and glad to have her with us. : )

On a side note, I passed my French exam: 31/40.
I want, and I think I can, do better than that. But still, I'm happy to be one of the best in my class.
My 3rd term, here I come.

Love,
N

Day 2: Home

Theme: Home. Both the place and the people to which my heart belongs
Photo: Taken on my way back from Tap Mun (or Grass Island, its official name)
One of the best dates I have ever had. Just sit there, under the sun, feel the breeze.
With such magnificent view, grassland, perfect sea view and the blue sky.
One of my favourite 'Back to Nature' local get-aways.
This picturehas a pink, purplish hue that  sort of reminds me of the sweetness, love and joy of the trip.
The exact feeling I have for home and the people I love.

2 more days until Christmas.
Many are leaving the city, going back to home towns, meeting spouses or families.
By 'many', it includes exchange students and couples in long-distance relationship.

If you know anyone staying in the dorm, they'll tell you about the change in atmosphere, because people are leaving.
Dorm life must be really memorable to those students coming from a different country, when they live with people from all the different countries, spending so much time as they are family members.
Farewells and goodbyes make them sad, which is understandable.

My friend said he doesn't like goodbye, because it means departure and disconnection with people he loves and cares.
Instead, he says 'hope to see you soon again' or 'good to see you again'.
I adore such positiveness in minor details of everyday life.
It kinda feels weird that I know I won't see some of my friends anymore, for the rest of my life.
I can't be certain, but it's just not likely for us to meet again.
This is probably why bidding adieu is so hard for everybody; especially when knowing that we won't meet again.

But I guess the melancholy won't stay for long.

After all, this place is not their home, not where their hearts or loved ones in.

It's just another stop in their courses of life.
Just a little journey to the 'Far East', as if this place is still a fishing village.
This is the place where they had the chances to live a different life; to be not like their usual selves, even for just 4 to 6 months.
To make mistakes, to be out of their minds.
Yet, with no price to pay because as soon as they leave the city, life is back to normal.

I have asked a few of my friends, what will they miss when they return to their country.

Some say the crazy chain-partying; pulling all-nighters for partying, going out every night. Some say dorm life.
The best one I've ever heard was: 'The people; it's the people who make the place wonderful and awesome.'
I was glad to receive such an answer.

People come and go.
Sometimes we have people coming into our lives and leave little, if any, mark.
But other times, people come into our lives and make unexpected changes to us, for better or for worse.
And memories last.

But no matter what, this is the place I call home.
This city. Not because of its competitiveness, its rank or its reputation.
But because this is my world, where my heart is, and where all my truly loved ones are.
And exactly because that this is my real life, I wanna make an apology here.

R, you are the person that makes me feel like I'm home when I'm around you.
That I can be off-guard completely, trust that I'm safe to be me when I'm with you.
That I know you are here for me.
You are right. If I were you, I have all the reasons to be jealous and upset.
I'm sorry that I let you down, made you felt like you are second-best, that someone else got my attention.
I'm sorry that I made you think my heart isn't with you and neglected.
I'm sorry that I made you think he and I have crossed the line, that we're more than good friends.
I'm sorry that I have let you down.
You are never second-best in my heart.

Love,
N

Day 1: Rules

I was busy meeting up with friends and prof in school that I did not find time to take good photos.
Just happened to be on campus to meet my prof, so I get to meet a good friend for one last time before he leaves for Sweden.
Went to the Post Office and helped to do some shipping.
Overweight luggage, the lock without the keys, signatures on the forms.
Problems after problems. It was insane. But we made it.
Faked a few signatures on unimportant forms and broke the lock.

Sometimes, I just love breaking rules (1st Thing About Rules: Break the Rules)
Problems solved. Back to campus to meet my prof.
Nice chat, good times, as always. But can't tell, don't wanna get in trouble.
You know, those university rules. Bureaucracy.(2nd Thing About Rules)

Alright. Here comes the picture of the day.
Theme: Simple Rules.
Traffic signs are what we all see each day.
But I'm talking about the basic rules in life, how to be a good person. (Rules in Life)
And no, to give way is not what I wanna talk about.
One of my basic rules of life is: Respect.
Even if I'm in a dilemma, I won't compromise respect, always respect others and myself.

The story behind the photo:

At 7pm, I still don't have a photo for my 10-Day Photo Challenge.

I was on the MTR, somehow exhausted, thinking that I might fail the challenge on the very first day.
I overheard a couple sitting just opposite to me arguing, for reason that I don't know and don't wanna know.

As a girl, I can tell that the woman was angry but not that angry. She complained, but did it with a smile.
All she needed was just sweet words and probably a hug from her man.

Her man didn't get it. He was concentrating fully on his iPhone.

He found her annoying, asked her to shut up, not in a polite way.

Now, the woman's really pissed. Stupid man.
She was more upset and complained even more.The man still didn't care.

The woman switched her attention from whatever-she-was-complaining to something that ALL women on this planet care about:
Attitude.
I heard myself thinking (or maybe I did say it out, I don't know): Oops! Man, you're in trouble...

He finally put down his iPhone.
But I didn't expect what happened next--he looked at her with disgust and impatience, and slapped her!
He slapped her! Right on her face, in front of a whole bunch of strangers.
Then he hit her head. Not a punch, but still, it is violence.

I was angry for what I witnessed.
Didn't know if I should go and ask him to stop or I should call someone/ the police to help.
After all, it's not my first time to stand up for someone. Just that I have not confronted a big man.

But I didn't do anything. And no other passenger cared.
The reason?
The woman felt okay with it. She was happy enough that she got that short-lived attention.
I don't know if she's a masochist. But I really feel sorry for her, and others who feel nothing to such disrespectful act.

We no longer live in a world that cherishes manners and etiquette, at least not as much as it did before.
To respect others is a virtue that many forget.
When you take considerations of others (and their feelings), treat them as important as yourself / treat them as human beings, you naturally respect.

Of course the man was disrespectful of the woman. What he did shows what kind of a person he is.
But the worst thing was that the woman allowed this to happen on her. 

She didn't respect herself. How could anyone accept that?

Didn't take a picture of the couple. Of course.

But I saw this traffic sign and immediately got the idea: Give Way VS Respect

I understand that in a relationship, whatever relationship it is, we all sacrifice and compromise.

We all face the dilemma: To give way or not?

Yes, it's important to be yourself.
But being yourself is not always good, if it means you keep your bad habits.
One of my rules is to respect.

Respect differences and respect yourself.
Never compromise by sacrificing respect and dignity.

Like what my mum taught me:
Everyone deserves to be respected. And others only respect you when you respect yourself.

Bonus--Another sign that applies to relationships: 'No Entry For Unauthorized Person'

Love & Respect,
N

French Exam

Note: not a part of my 10-Day Photo Challenge, starting it tomorrow.

Should be revising for my very first French exam, which is going to happen in 3 hours time.

But those french words and grammar are running crazily in my mind now.
So I really have to give myself a break or else I'll die of heart attack very soon.
Among all parts of the assessment, I'm most worried about French writing. 

Have to write a short piece of writing tonight.
I hope the topic is not too difficult.
PLEASE ask me something easy, like describe a person I know. PLEASE.
S'IL VOUS PLAIT. S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

I tried to practice writing just now, didn't produce something very decent to read.
At the age of 22, I write like a kindergarten. What a shame.

Somehow feel a little illiterate.Hate this feeling of  failing, losing, inadequate or inability.

I'm so nervous I wanna scream like Kevin in Home Alone.
I'm so nervous I wanna write everything with my caps lock on.
I'm so nervous I wanna end every single sentence with exclamation marks!!!

I enjoy listening to French songs and reading some easy French poems.
And maybe reading them out to listen to myself speaking in French,
usually end up in laughter 'cause I find myself pouting while speaking French.

Oh! And watch French movies like Hors De Prix (Priceless) starring Audrey Tautou.

One of the songs I adore: Je ne veux pas travailler (I don't wanna work)
A lazy tune (just as the name tells), but a happy one.
Sometimes I find myself humming this happy lazy tune, in any occasion even working or in class, just to cheer myself up.

Bonne chance...j'espere.... 

See? I can't even write 'I need good luck' :' (

Oh la la! Je pense que je vais tricher! (I think I should cheat)
Non, je plaisante. Si je le rate, je le rate. Ne triche jamais. (No, I'm kidding. If I fail, I fail. Never cheat)
Je suis une bonne fille. (google translate this youself : P)
Hahaha, am I? : )

Alright, I'm a bit better now. Still nervous, but better.

Bisous,
N

10-Day Photo Challenge to End 2011

One of the goals for me to start this blog is to give myself life challenges, be they large or small.

So, since year 2011 is about the end, I'm gonna end the year with a small challenge.

This is just a really small task.
But hopefully it can help me to see the world in a different way; with more gratitude.
There are so many things that I wanna learn from children.

Exploring the world with curiosity and amazement is definitely one of those childlike qualities I adore.

So, here it is: to countdown in the form of a photo challenge.
In the final 10 days of 2011, I'm gonna take one picture per day with a specific theme.

Can't wait to start!

By the way, my bestfriend and I made Christmas cookies (cinnamon, not gingerbread).
And they turned out to have muffin-or-scone-like texture.
They taste alright, just the wrong texture.

Love,
N

Problems in the World

There are just endless problems in our world that I can't name all of them.
Simply said, quoting one of my friend's lines: our world is fucked up.
So true.
But the sad thing is: people, including us, screwed things up.

Currently reading Angelina Jolie's Notes From My Travels: Visits with Refugees in Africa, Cambodia, Pakistan and Ecuador.

There is a chance that this book was written by somebody on behalf of her.
But the fact that she went to these places herself, adopted a few kids and treats them like a family are proofs of her kindness.
And kindness and love need not to be proven and made known to the public.
The most important thing about the book is: no matter who wrote the book, it is humbling.
It saddens and motivates me at the same time.

It was written back in 2003, but I guess the problems it describes still exist in today's world.
People still starve, live in poverty, kill each other, and die of diseases that can be treated or prevented.
The reality that these problems of social injustice still exist in the 21st century saddens me.
The feeling that individuals are too insignificant and powerless to change anything,
the frustration and helplessness because I don't know what I can do to help even though I want to.
People are living in ways we can never imagine.
But exactly how different are we from them? Race? Color of our skin? Beliefs? Ability and intelligence? Fate?

We are the same, just human beings.
We all need food, shelter, clothes, medicine, love and affection.We all experience the same emotions and feelings; happiness, joy, sorrow, pain, frustration, hunger etc.
The only difference is: the place we are born.
It makes tremendous difference where we are born;
that I could be starving if I was born in Ethiopia,
that I could be a victim in civil wars, raped or mutilated,
that I could be experiencing the pain of losing loved ones,
that I could be illiterate and unable to write even my name,
like millions out there.

Esther smoking, when she was 9, just 9

Esther when she was 13, lived on the streets, got addicted to drugs and became a prostitute

Could have been you or me

At the same time, I am amazed by people's strength, strong will for survival.
If I were one of them, I am not sure if I can survive, physically or mentally.
I feel shameful for complaining about small things in my life.
I feel guilty for material possessions and the privilege life I have.
Maybe all that I have now is just out of pure luck that
I was born and raised in a normal, middle-class family,
living in this incredibly free though undemocratic place.
I am grateful for what I have.

Problems still exist in the world we're living in.
They don't disappear just because we don't hear it in the news anymore.
There are plenty of people still struggling out there.
We all struggle for matters large or small.
But if we focus too much on ourselves and care only a few around us,
this self-focus and negligence of others is pathetically arrogant and ignorant.

from Tumblr

One or two years ago, in an English class, we were asked to present a speech that inspires us.
Many others chose that 'Change' speech by Barack Obama, graduation speech, etc.
I chose Severn Suzuki's speech at the 1992 UN Earth Summit, when she was 12.
It still inspires me a lot. Please listen to her speech.

I should be doing some Christmas shopping now, as if the only trouble in the world is choosing what present to buy, avoid buying expensive but useless junk but end up still buying shit.
Should be in an innocently merry mood now, preparing for Christmas.
But now I just wanna stay home and finish the book.

Stay Hopeful & Loving,
N

P.S. All photos are works of Swedish photographer Per-Anders Petterson,
please visit his photography website at PerandersPettersson.com

Done with Exams & Talk Like a Politician

Note to reader:
This post is a bit more wordy than my usually posts.
But I really hope you read and enjoy the whole thing.
Advice: If you just wanna lighten up, read the first half.
If you are interested in political science, read the latter half.

A few highlights of the day:


1) Done with this semester's exams. Today's Jazz exam was unforgettable.
Exam's at 9 and we all look very tired. We were all sitting in our seats, waiting for the exam to start.
My amazing professor did something remarkably fun.
He asked everybody to stand up, started playing a boogie-woogie tune, turned up the speakers and said to the class,
'Shake that butt and boogie-woogie! Dance! If you don't, I'll give u a C!'
Such a fun prof! Love his sense of humor.

And his assistant/colleague/student /whtever, Sebastian, was just as good.
He was announcing the examination regulations like this:
'I'm your North Korean dictator, listen to every word I'm about to say.
Don't flip over the examination paper unless you are told to do so, or else it'll explode.
Put your student card on the right hand corner.
If you put in on the left side, you will fail. If you move your card, you will also fail.
Oh wait! some students have seat numbers on the right?
Maybe we should call the AR. Or we break the rules and get the prof fired.
Put your belongings under your chair after you're in the examination hall. Now you have 2 seconds to do so.'
Something like that.

As we started the exam, our student cards are checked to make sure it's really us who are taking the exams.
The prof and Sebastian did the checking.
They kept exclaiming:
'You know, this is not the best picture of you.'
'Oh God, the university should invest in better cameras.'
'Where are your eyes?'
The best one: 'Busted! You are a fake!'

We were laughing so hard and kept giggling and chuckling even when the exam started.
I'm so glad I took this course, had such a great time!
Best course ever.

2) Lunch and nice long chat with another favourite prof of mine.
3) Meeting mentor for 1-on-1 lecture...he actually suggested another(!) meeting next week...

So, Lecture No. 2: Lateral Thinking and Learning to Talk Like A Politician

Lateral Thinking
I like the part on lateral thinking. Thinking out of the box and creativity are qualities I wanna have.
I know lateral thinking can change life, because it sets you free from your usual mindset.
And in a world where we face new problems of all kinds, we really need to come up with good and unconventional solutions.

I asked how I can train myself to think in a different mindset.
He said: challenge yourself & the way you think.
Easier said than done.

Talking Like A Politician
Apparently he thought I am a politician-wanna-be, which is just not true.
He gave a few examples of politicians/ public figures mastering 'the art of answering questions'.
Yes, I have to agree that answering harsh questions/ speaking decently and wisely is a part of etiquette.
And I do admire people who master the art of speaking.

Rule No. 1: Stay Ambiguous
So that people can't use what you say against you.

Earlier that day (see no. 2), I was talking to my prof about exactly that; also about honesty and the complexity of women & the way we think.
In general, I think honesty is the best policy. With one exception: when you are flirting.
It makes no difference if you are a man or a woman.
Let's admit it: Staying mysterious and unexpected is just the Rule No. 1 in Flirting 101.

So when my mentor was so seriously talking about 'the art of speaking in diplomatic levels to save a country',
I can't help thinking and smiled,

So, talking like a politician shares the same rule with Flirting 101: Stay mysterious, stay ambiguous.
Oh well, I can do that. (evil smile)
I can talk like a politician by just being a woman. How nice.

I'm so glad my mentor doesn't read minds nor did he spot the evil spark in my eyes while I was developing my little diplomacy-is-just-like-flirting theory.

Love,
N

(P.S. will announce and launch a mini life challenge later on)

Exams

Sometimes I do like exam period and the reading weeks where I can stay home and read all day long.
Of course it'd be better if I like the topics I'm learning.
But if it's some I-don't-give-a-damn topics, usually I enjoy reading and learning something new. (or at least I try)

I'm just naturally curious. Sometimes too curious. What can I say?
This is how I think:
It is only natural that you like what you do best.
But if you do well in things/areas that you don't even like, that's the real accomplishment.

Good things about exam period:
1) Getting plenty of sleep
2) Read as much as you want, as an enjoyment
Might sound contradictory to the first point but sometimes I stay up late reading in bed, occasionally with midnight snacks

I know it's bad and I have gained a few pounds this winter.
But occasionally spoiling myself really takes the stress off me. (excuse no.1)
And women should have curves. (excuse no.2)

A few of the many things I wanna do after my exams:
(apart from having a good time with family and friends)
1) Declutter my room and wardrobe, then other parts of my home
2) Christmas shopping! Somehow I wanna write Christmas cards.
3) Cook: try out a few recipes from the Julia Child cookbook
    Bake: gingerbread cookies and macaroons
4) Paint! I haven't draw for a long long time.
Have dozens of things I wanna draw; horses, dancers, portraits, etc

5) Read: piles of books waiting & dozens of blogs to catch up on
6) Going around asking people what they wanna do before they die
7) Destroy and create things
8) Exercise: not what I wanna do, but what I should do. Like a lot of things in life.

Two posts a day, you can tell I'm not very focused on revision.

Love,
N

Angelina Jolie Covers US Marie Claire January 2012

My bad girl crush.
If I were a man, I'd fall in love with her.
Charming, sexy, mysterious, and her minimalist classy style.
Seemingly independent and kind-hearted.

Black and white portrait suits her very well.
And I really like her style. Simple but timeless.
A lot of times she wears colours like black, grey, navy, beige and white.

Occasionally with a pop of red. Sometimes her red carpet gowns have more colours.

Like her wearing simple sweaters, maxi dresses etc.

And her makeup; strong brows, simple cat-eye with nude lips or red lips.

Her natural, curly voluminous hair. Looks amazing, whether it is messy, neat or wears it into simple up-dos

So adorable

Argh! Really don't wanna go back to revision!
This exam of China's-relations-with-all-the-other-countries-in-the-world-in-all-aspects-you-can-think-of is killing me.

I actually like the complexity in international relations, but sometimes I can't help thinking:
states dispute like annoying girls.

Love,
N

A Wild Child's Longing

'Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars...

and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful.
Everything is simply happy.
Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance.
Look at the flowers- for no reason. It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are.' --Osho

I have never told anyone about this desire of mine: 

my longing for nature, the animalistic wildness in me.

As I grow up, I realize that I am full of contradictions.
I can never be satisfied with being on one side of the spectrum, which is good because it means that I'm seeking balance from time to time.

Questions for you:
When was the last time you saw/interacted with an animal? (By animal, I do not mean pets like dog/cat/goldfish/turtle/hamster/rabbit etc)
When was the last time you smelled a flower and hugged a tree?
How different are we from animals?

Maybe we spend too much time in the city.

At least I do. 

With laptops, traffic, smog and polluted air, people screaming at their mobiles in the metro...

There are plenty of things in a city that give us pleasure.
For ladies, fashion, shoes, bags, perfumes, jewellery, cosmetics and skincare, spa...
For men, electronic gadgets are their toys; iphones, iPads, kindles...oh! and cars and beer.
Good food, pampering spa & massage, music and books and art...
the list goes on and on and on.

I'm greedy, I want more than that. But I want something simple and real.

I have been a city dweller my entire life, which is one of the reasons why I have this deep longing for nature.

The more I get fashion/shoe/bag/-gasms, the more I feel the urge of going back to the simple basics.

Going back to enjoy the nature or being natural is like detox.

I can name a thousand things about the nature that captivate me.

Its beauty, peace, harmony, energy, freshness, power, life, excitement...

The beauty of nature and the pleasure of being in it are so pure, simple and satisfying. 

And if you are still thinking about the luxuries of city life and the price tags,
here is one very attractive thing about the nature: 

It's free. 

A wonderful thing for the current recession, right?

Things that the nature inspired me:

1.  Appreciate small things in life.

Sure that life has many bad nasty things, but there are still plenty of good ones. Learn to focus on the good. Don't take things too seriously. Do your very best but also relax.

2. Life is too short for you to miss out the wonderful things around you.
Never let negativity consume you completely, because if it does, it suffocates and kills you.

3. Know who you are. It is probably one of the most important things in life.
But don't set limits to yourself because you can never know where or how far life can take you.
Just be the best you can.

 

4. Live with grace. One of the best lines I ever came across:

'Be a rose which gives its fragrance even to those who crush it.'

I should start writing a series of posts about my favorite things about the nature.

Possible coming-up posts:

1) How I Learn about Freedom & Power More on Horseback Than on a Politics Class

(Oops! I hope my prof doesn't read this...)

Just kidding, I am honest and I really do feel that I experience freedom and power more on horseback 

2) How Different are We from Animals? Less Than We Think.

3) My Obsession for Aurora

4) My Obsession for Ethnic or Tribal & Bohemian fashion

After my exams, I'm SO gonna bombard you with post after post after post, 

about how much I love life and everything in it.

Love,
N

Random but related fact: 

Sabine Kuegler wrote a book about her childhood experience living with an indigenous tribe in Papua New Guinea. She lived there with her parents who are linguists and two siblings. 

I read a short excerpt from my French textbook. Her experience is truly amazing.
The book is in German but it is translated to many other languages.
Both the English and French versions are on my To-Read List. And I can't wait to read them!

(IF I can get the french version Enfant de la Jungle here in the place I live)

Such a nice way to learn French vocab, so cute