My Dear Bed,

For some reason, tutorials are over and I got a day-off from school today.I really need a quiet day at home to clear things up.
Woke up feeling contented this morning after hours of sleep.
Wake up in a warm, cozy, soft bed is probably one of the best moments in life.
At the exact moment when I was feeling great, my lengthy To-Do list just popped into my mind.
That's probably one of the worst feelings in life too. Argh.


I think I really heard a soft voice in my head, 
'The bed is so warm and soft and cozy,
the feeling of cotton sheets against you skin,
the warmth that feels like a gentle embrace...
And you're having a sore throat now.Maybe you need extra time in bed. Just an hour or two.'


There is something faintly luxurious & sensual about having a whole day of no school.
Plenty of sleep, messy hair, the sweet seductive fragrant in the room, the warmth, the sweet dreams from the night before...
All of these create the illusion: Take your time. You can afford to feel lazy.
I have been tempted too many times.
And no, I can't afford that, at least not these weeks.

Temptation is always sweet and gentle, like a mistress.
And fortunately, I'm not a man.


Smiled & thought,
'My sweet gentle bed, thank you for such a good night of sleep.
I'm gonna leave you, work hard & rock it. See you tonight.'
Smiled again, for the sillyness in me of actually talking to my bed,
even if the conversation is only in my head.


To whoever reading this: (more like advice for myself though)
Stop feeling powerless in face of daunting tasks and endless work! 

Nothing worth doing is easy
You can do it, one step at a time.


That's right.
First step to fight procrastination: Leave your bed.
Second step: just start doing what you're supposed to. 


Smile,
dive in,
try to love what you're doing,
stay focused & enter a state of mind:
Flow.


Note to self: Ok, break time's over.
Get back to work and rock it, girl.


Love,
N

Photos: Emily Smith by Robert Harper for Naag

Nobody's Perfect

Today's social psychology class was on aggression.
We were asked on what kind of aggressive behaviour we ever did on somebody else.
Clearly, no one thought they are abusive both physically or mentally, which is not true.
At some point of our lives, each and everyone of us has done something that hurt others, or even ourselves.

The lecture ended with how we should deal with aggression; to forgive.

Sometimes, I overthink. Perhaps more than sometimes.
I recall the past.
I think of people and things that I used to have/
              people and things that I did not have/
              people and things that I lost/
              the mistakes I have made
              and chances I missed.
And it kills me.

Overthinking & not letting go is probably the most torturing & mentally-abusive thing I ever did to myself.
The ideas of 'I should have...' and 'I shouldn't have...' just battle in my mind in a very disturbing way which makes the word 'haunting' very appropriate to use.

My inspiring psychology prof said, 'forgiving is not forgetting.'
Forgiving doesn't mean you don't have feelings over what happened,
it means that you understand clearly what happened but decide not to let emotions take over you anymore.
She's right.

When overthinking and recalling the past is too unbearably painful, I say to myself,
'it doesn't matter anymore.'
I have said it too many times, mostly out of frustration, instead of letting go or forgiveness.

This time when I say 'it doesn't matter anymore' to myself or somebody else,
I truly meant forgiveness and let go, not with bitterness but with sincerity and love.

All that love and sincerity comes from gratitude.
That I am grateful for what happened to me because it makes me stronger & better.
That I know the best way to greet the future is learning from the past and not making the same mistake twice.

It's over & things are gonna be alright now.


Love,
N

Stress-filled or Love-filled Birthday Month?

People say life's a bitch.

Sometimes, life is fucked up; our world is fucked up.

I know I know, a lady shouldn't swear.

Excuse me for the language, I'm trying to say something important.

I have been sleeping really little lately,
feeling like a zombie,
assessments & work are piling up,

deadlines are coming,
I want to go out & have fun AND it's just impossible, 

I crave for real food....

There is something wrong with this world we're living in.

Oh, not just some.

We all have our share of bad, unpleasant and nerve-wracking things.

That's a fact.

The point is: how you handle it?

Do you let it bring you down or embrace it bravely?

For all those who are out there, struggling on things large or small,
I want to tell you this:

Love your life, pick yourself up, keep going and be the best you could. 

This sounds cliche and easier said than done.
It's easier to say 'I'm a loser', 'I just cant do it anymore'.

But hey!
I DARE YOU: When things don't go right, smile & say 'come what may'.
That's what a true lady does, live it with grace.

Love more, love harder. Love life, love people & love yourself.

I know I know, sounds like I'm an insanely religious  person, preaching: God is LOVE!
But no, I'm not. 

Religious? No. 

Insane? Probably.

2 Random ways to make yourself feel better on a bad day/ hectic schedule:
1) Listen to Jessie J's songs.
I ADORE this girl. She's got loads of love, very positive, vibrant, energetic & daring.

I never idolize any of the celebs. 

But I honestly think the world would be a nice place, if there are more people like her.

2) Have nice long chats with interesting people or people who care about you.

That's one of the many ways I get myself out from stress, when life gets a little overwhelming.

It freshens up my mind & brightens up my day.

I hope you feel a little better after reading this, if you're having a stressful/ bad time now.

Now, I'm feeling much better after this 'half self-talk' thing. 

Should go back to work now.

Love,
N

P.S. My boyfriend & I have been together for 5 Years & 5 Months now!
Thanks for being there for me all the time, even when life gets bad.